Fuck Dude

I can't even handle everything that goes on in my head sometimes. Jesus. lol

Pastpastpastpastpastpastpastpast

I Gotta Say...

Last night was pretty sweet.

Yesterday was sooooooooo long at first:

Class, class, class, downtown, Alec being a pain, grocery shopping, carrying hella orange juice, Julia's for a whole 5 minutes, bus, talking to Mom about financial aid for 40 mins... ommmmmmmg it never ended.

Then I got home and helped Cam make dinner. Ana took pictures and we toasted to G104 with apple cider. It was legit as shiiiiit.

Oh and Cam's food was hella good. Especially the garlic bread. So yummy! ♥

I love my Cameroon~!

After that Ryan and I had to hella bounce. We were kinda late for Dylan's show, and I missed Biscuits. :( But! I didn't miss 3 other songs and I got a satisfying amount of headbanging in. We even had a ladies' mosh pit. I got thrown into a coffee table a little off of some retaliation from the real mosh put though. Fun times...

After that Riley gave me a beer, which was all I drank last night. (Sort of weird, lol) People didn't exactly get trashed last night. We all know we're going to on Sunday, so we just had a good time.

Then, I just kinda hung out. Cory and I made Tanner and Logan dance again... it's so fun lol... Kendal and Sarah and Coop danced with us a bit, too!

There was sort of a cuddle couch going on last night. All I gotta say is it was really hilarious. People are people are people who make me laugh. A lot. So awkward. Ahahahahahah XD

Riley gets drunk and all them ladies come around~ heeeeeeey!

Sometimes I seriously feel like people look at him and are like, "HEY I want to take advantage of him first!" "No me!" "No ME!"

Poor guy. Aha...

After that we just went back to Julia's. On the way there Kendal and I had an amazing conversation 'bout life, love, and the luls, and man, I just love that girl. I really do.

Blahblahblahblahblah

We arrived at Julia's and I got to play with Freddie a little! He's so soft and cute and omg kitty! ♥ ♥ ♥

Kendal and I were on the same painstakingly obvious wavelength. It was amusing as all hell.

Riley and I rolled out around midnight. Julia walked us to the bus station. Then we got on the bus, and I beat Riley up. Yep. Nawww, but Riley and I shared a good chuckle, and it was good. Look at me bein' all articulate. Hells yeaaaaah!

I got back to Logan looking more cracked out than usual and him telling me he was on heroin. Fucking Logan. lol. Freaked me out a little. Oh well. All is well.

Ana and Squid were in my room, so I stayed up 'til like 2 watching Lie to Me with Cam and a half passed out Logan.

Then, I passed the fuck out. Was so tired.

Now it's almost noon, and I gotta get in the shower! Gotta clean myself, eat, make candy skulls, and get the fuck downtown as soon as possible.

Tonight: madness takes its toll.

'CAUSE IMMA BE DOIN' THE TIIIIIIMEEE WAAARP!

Obviously,

I was a little freaked out earlier.

I took a nap.

I am fine now.

Just drowsy. :)

I was gonna post a pic of Drowsy the Pokemon, so I googled him, and I got this, and it's much cuter, so:

Love...

so intense... good lord.

There's Greg. You guys know who he is.

& there's Nebraska. Some of you guys know who he is.

I can't talk about Nebraska. I can't think about him too much.

I still have his ring... man.

It's been so long, and I still choke up. Holy God. Still think about October 19th... January 15th... and of course April 29th...

I still remember turning away at the airport... the ride there... the music... everything...

My brain is so blown right now. I don't even know what to do...

Two weeks, frozen in our minds, for us to cherish forever...

But guys, don't talk to me about this one. 'Cause I've got Cameron to worry about and it'd take forever to explain. I've also got to read a book. The entire book.

(Look at me procrastinating like a pro!)

I just... wanted to post something.

I just... uuuuuuuugghh. :(

This week man, shit.

Giants need to win again tonight. It'll de-stress me again.
C'mon broski bros!

Whoa...

You're still there... :)

Mind = blown.

I hope Kitten is doing well! ^^/

HEY YOU MOTHERFUCKS

Today is gonna be awesome.

'Kaaaaaaay?

Gonna go to music soon enough... give Riley his bracelet... (!)

then go to Lit, tell my TA that Cam is dying, give this poor girl her mutilated paper back,

eat some foods,

take Cam to the health center.

AND THEN WATCH THE WORLD SERIES! YAAAAHOOOO :)

It's not really going to be an exceptional day.

Just a good one. Good mood. Woohoo!

Whoops.

I guess somehow something happened to not allow anonymous commenting. I prolly got fed up with a troll or two... but anyway fixed it to allow anyone to comment whenever the hell they want.

Cool.

Blahblahblahblahblahblah

I feel a post coming around sometime soon...

I Feel Like Logan Will Appreciate This:

Mooski #15 Defying Gravity - Chris Colfer (Glee Cast)

I love this song. And I love Kurt's version.

Now I Feel Like Writing More

I just feel... so sad... so uncaring... it's such a weird thing for me.

There's like 5 or 6 of my good friends in my front room right now, and I'm sitting in here griping about life... ARGGHH

Not going to Fish Rap, either. Ug I'm a bad person. But I just feel so awful today...

So lonely.

Bleh. I can't think of more stuff to say. I'm just listening to soft music and it's making me relax a lot...

I really want a cuddle buddy. :(
...but I just can't...

I can't wait until next weekend. It'll be fun. :)

Not that this weekend wasn't, Friday was quite possibly one of the best parties ever, but yeah. Saturday I started feeling the way I do now. Hmmm.

Oh. World. I've really enjoyed watching the Giants games... they're in the World Series now so Riley is super smiley, which is nice, and it's just been cool to take part in something. I guess. Aha.

Bleeeeeeeh. I miss Cindy. I miss Brittainy. I miss Matty, and Chris... and my Nicolie. ♥

I'd miss Jacob too, if we weren't in the middle of pretending the other person doesn't exist. XD

Whatever bro...

So Apathetic II

So, I just kind of feel so horrible that I don't give any fucks anymore.

0 Fucks.

I've kinda given up on... like everything...

Save school, of course! School is always there.

But at the time I'm utterly convinced that nobody is going to be interested in me for a long time -- and what's worse is I feel like I'm not really going to be interested in anyone for a long time. I feel silly. I gave Nebraska up so I could explore... and now I'm sitting here writing. Writing because I'm sad. I'm not good. Bubbly Darlene can prevail through this, but y'know... fuckin' fins... there's always so much more going on inside of me. Even though I write this blog, I'm not as honest as I used to be. I've got an audience. Maybe all of my walls will tumble down one day... maybe.

And I know it's stupid... but I feel like because of my face, people take a look at me and put me into the friend zone like that.

I know who I am. I love who I am. I'm a good person and fun to be around. People tend to flock toward me. But I've got all this shit on my face. Stupid acne. Stupid blemishes, blotches. I just never feel beautiful. Never feel pretty. I'm always looking at other people... always comparing... The guys will always just see me as their friend... not that I especially want to date any of my guys, but y'know. It'd be kinda nice to be a girl instead of Darlene. I've always been the girl with the guys. The girl with the really pretty friends that guys drool over... Nobody is going to look at me and be like, "Man, I want to meet her." People only start to like me after they've known me for a while. I look and feel like a scrub every single freakin' day... I don't wear things that would make me feel sexy, because I'm just not. Fuckin' Asher has said that to my face, even. Sexy is just not me. Too many self-esteem issues.

I obsess over this like a person who obsesses over their weight. It bothers me everyday, 'cause I gotta look at myself everyday to put makeup on... UGGGGGGGH. I can only hide so much. Besides, I still feel unattractive.

Well, everyone just kind of came in. I don't really feel like writing much more. Ug ug ug.

List of People from Last Night:

All of these people were in/out of the apt. last night. I feel proud.

1. Me
2. Cameron
3. Ana
4. Tanner
5. Dylan
6. Riley
7. Julia
8. Kendal
9. Casey
10. Phillip
11. Freshman
12. Logan
13. Mark
14. Jasmine
15. Angela
16. Rubino
17. Michael Block
18. Pranov
19. Linus
20. Cory
21. Stephanie
22. British Jon
23. Ryan
24. Faye

Maaaaaaaan, it was good!

My Broski

Photobucket rearranged how they do things or something... so this video came up.

I feel like this is like 3 years old. My brother looks more like a man now.



I don't think there's anything else after like 30 seconds.

The Calm Before the Storm

I feel it. On the horizon. Something is coming.

Gonna be interesting to see how it plays out.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAMEROON!

This blog post is late, but no less legit.

We've had a wonderful amazing friendship
& I don't ever want to see the end of it! ♥

Mooski #14 Yeah x3 - Chris Brown

Don't really care about the song a whole lot, but a person I know from high school is one of the main back-up dancers, and that's really cool. He's also the white kid doing the back flips. WTF.

Fuck yeah Kyle Cordova. Makin' Rancho not look like hell! :)



Oh and the kid like, "Look it's Chris Brown!" HELLA cracks me upp!

Lit Close Reading #2

Darlene McCoy
Madeline McDonald Lane
LIT1
21 October 2010

Song of the Solar Eclipse

    Religion has been present in human society for a countless number of years. It influences a multitude of different aspects of life - including music. In fact, the first music was written for purposes of worship. A particular song of this century that has struck a chord is "Stare at the Sun" by the alternative rock band, Thrice. The tune, written by Dustin Kensrue, Thrice's vocalist, and a devout Christian at the time, has a much deeper meaning that what meets the casual listener's eyes and mind. The unsuspecting listener must be aware of specific Biblical references and read the the lyrics metaphorically to attempt to understand this existential poem to its full extent.
    The first verse begins with the lyrics, "I sit here clutching useless lists / and keys for doors that don't exist." The word "clutching" has already begun to paint a picture in the listener's mind. To "clutch" is to grip or hold tightly or firmly, as one would do with pieces of papers he is frustrated with. "Useless" further emphasizes the lyricist's discontent with his "lists" because of the negative connotation associated with the word. These "lists" may very well be scriptures. "Keys for doors that don't exist" would be quite useless, indeed, and are another example of something the lyricist has attained, but is unable to use to quite frankly, open the door to understanding. The next line, "I crack my teeth on pearls," connects to a passage in the book of Matthew: "Give not what is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before the swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you." Only by knowing this passage does this line come into the light of full comprehension. The distraught lyricist is explaining that he is incapable of understanding the value of the "pearls" presented to him; he is human swine, and  he can do no more than the simple, pointless act of cracking his teeth on them. The line, "I tear into the history" adds another area where he has searched, and found nothing. The last line of the first verse, "just show me what it means to me in this world." is a plea for understanding.
    The lead line of the second verse is, "I see the parts but not the whole," or simply put, "I can understand some, but not all." It is followed by: "I study saints and scholars both / no perfect plan unfurls" - another example of the lyricist's search. He has studied both reason and religion, but nothing comes to him. "No perfect plan unfurls" because he is human; not divine, and only God is aware of the perfect plan - a point made numerous times in the Bible. He is only able to act according to his humanity. "Do I trust my heart or just my mind" is the lyricist's questioning of following either faith or reason, and then the next line, "Why is truth so hard to find in this world," rounds the second verse out in a neat package of frustration.
    In the third verse, the lyricist gives additional examples of actions he has taken in attempt to understand: "I know that there's a point I've missed / a shrine or stone I haven't kissed / a scar that never graced my wrist / a mirror that hasn't met my fist." He has either missed some point of reason, not been faithful enough, not felt enough pain, or not expressed enough frustration. He cannot find the reason for his inability to understand. He knows that somewhere in the world, there is more.
    "'Cause I am due for a miracle," is the first line of the chorus. The lyricist is begging to understand, and because he is human, he is aware that the only way for him to attain that understanding is through a miracle. Christians are taught that God will come to them in the form of some sort of sign, and "I'm waiting for a sign" conveys that he has waited for his sign, and it has not yet come. He is still searching. The rest of the chorus, "I'll stare straight into the sun / And I won't close my eyes / 'Till I understand or go blind" is the whole point of the song. It is the matrix. Psalms 84:11 reads: "For the Lord God is a sun and shield: the Lord will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from the that walk uprightly." With this knowledge, the sun mentioned in "I'll stare straight into the sun" becomes more than the giant hydrogen-burning star in the sky. The sun is God. The lyricist will follow God, and will continue to follow him - even through the pain induced by staring at the sun - as denoted by the line, "And I won't close my eyes." He will follow until he finally understands or loses the capability to search for understanding - "'Till I understand or go blind." He will do so because he has faith that God will give grace and glory to those who walk uprightly.
    "Stare at the Sun" was written for far more than simple entertainment or the dollars earned through record sales. Thrice has stated that, "We've always tried to do a little more than just make music." The band donates a portion of the proceeds from record sales to a charity of their choice. To believe and have faith in a being that is intangible is a burden on the mind. Dustin Kensrue, the lyricist, wrote this piece to aid those who may be questioning their faith. He is sympathizing with them: he understands that keeping faith can be frustrating. The human condition can be frustrating. Not having the ability to understand can be frustrating. He wrote the lyrics to connect with his listeners, to let them know he understands that frustration, and even the pain they may be experiencing. He has experienced this questioning of faith - and come to a conclusion. They must keep believing. They must stare at the sun; because those who stare all their lives will be rewarded. This much deeper and more meaningful message could not be derived to its full extent without knowing the reference to Matthew in the first verse, the idea that God is perfect, and that the sun is a metaphor for God. Without these integrated aspects, "Stare at the Sun" would be a simple song expressing frustration with being human.

Stare at the Sun

I sit here clutching useless lists
and keys for doors that don't exist
I crack my teeth on pearls
I tear into the history
just show me what it means to me in this world

'cause I am due for a miracle
I'm waiting for a sign
I'll stare straight into the sun
and I won't close my eyes
'til I understand or go blind

I see the parts but not the whole
I study saints and scholars both
no perfect plan unfurls
do I trust my heart or just my mind
why is truth so hard to find in this world
yeah in this world

'cause I am due for a miracle
I'm waiting for a sign
I'll stare straight into the sun
and I won't close my eyes
'til I understand or go blind

I know that there's a point I've missed
a shrine or stone I haven't kissed
a scar that never graced my wrist
a mirror that hasn't met my fist
but I can't help feeling like I'm

due for a miracle
I'm waiting for a sign
I'll stare straight into the sun
and I won't close my eyes

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAAAARK

You know I love you! Yahoo!

:D

So Apathetic...

blah blah blah blah lifffffeee

Yaaaaaaaawwwwwwnnn

Off to Western Music~ then Lit Discussion, then the Farmer's Market with my MJ Delyani! ♥

Random .gifs II

Your Ghetto Name:

lolI'mbored.

My name: Queshagurlobamanaytanay

My Life is Okay.

Yep. Okay.

Not good, not great, not oh man, I'm rivalin' Santa's jollyness,

but it's okay.

So I don't get everything I want. That's okay.

Okaaaaaaaaay.

Blarg. Whatever! Ahaaaaaaa

I'm sick. Stupid plague.

BUT I still went dancin' last night. Was so fun. ♥

Though I'm sad Mark didn't really have a good time. More than likely just not his thing. I love him anyway. :)

Cory and I taught Logan how to dance. It was spectacular.

And Tanner was awesome to dance with!! SO FUN! :D

I sang myself hoarse. Ugh.

Typing is so much easier than speaking right now.

Oh God I just coughed on my laptop's screen. Hell dude... XD

I finished The Guild. :( Need something new to watch... prolly will do Firefly finally.

It's so weird, being in on a Saturday night. I feel like I need to be doing things. Or be nothere. It's good to take a break though, especially because my abs are going to be super ripped from coughing so much! Yeeeeeeaaaaah...

Ryan's off seeing Brytnny. I bet they're so adorably happy right now! I'm happy knowing that they're having a good time. ♥

So there's this guy in my dance class that's really cute and friendly, but I can't figure out if he's gay or not. lol. Everyone says it could be either way! ARGH! hah

Bleeeeeeeeeeeh... kinda don't really care anyway.

More things! Going to Fish Rap on Tuesday! Told James Shea I'd be there tonight. :] So exciting!! I LOVE FRL!

Oh. I can go to FRL! because I dropped stupid LALS 80G. Good prof., but too much work for me to want to take the class for just freakin' GEs. GEs are so damned easy to get, why stress myself out over a class I could give 0 fucks about?

Now I'm in Earth Catastrophes with Cam, Miguel, and Logan. So exciting. Even though I basically just sleep through it. Whatever. I liked the killer meteors movie. I WAS AWAKE FOR IT!!

Blah blah blah blah blah... blah.

D-hall sucked tonight. Fuckin' College 8.

Went to Sushi Totoro on Friday. Was fantastic. Tried mocchi (sp?) for the first time. So amazingly delicious. Gummy ice cream stuff omg yay mouth so happy...

I don't freakin' know dude. I'm just okay. Maybe I'd be happy if I weren't sick. Don't really know, don't really care, because I'm sick anyway! Woo....

Casey's big audition is tomorrow. I hope for everyone and the world's sake that she makes it. I feel like she's got a good chance, but yeah, it's all up to them.

I'm listening to Prince now. Love him. Especially 'cause we're dancin' to New Position in jazz dance. LOVE JAZZ DANCE.

Man, this is a lot of ADD rambling. Meh. Whaaaaaaateveeeeer. What else do I have to do? Right. Nothing.

I got a bodice today. Gonna rock Rocky Horror like a damned pro. It's gonna be so hot. Ehehehehehee. >:)

Yeah... well.... I think I'm done for now. Yep.

Happy Birthday Blog!

You're offically 2 years old now!

Yay you!

Mooski #13 You Belong With Me -Taylor Swift

I've got such a soft spot for this girl. Really.
Also: video is hella cute. XD

I'm Fightin' My Feelings

...and it's not going so well.

My brain just doesn't understand... ug...

Songs I Want to Learn!

• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/m/muse/starlight_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/m/muse/bliss_acoustic_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/m/muse/cant_take_my_eyes_off_you_ver2_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/m/muse/endlessly_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/m/muse/hysteria_ver2_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/m/muse/supermassive_black_hole_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/m/muse/time_is_running_out_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/m/muse/undisclosed_desires_ver3_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/t/thrice/stare_at_the_sun_acoustic_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/a/ac_dc/you_shook_me_all_night_long_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/j/jimmy_eat_world/the_middle_ver2_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/j/jimmy_eat_world/pain_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/k/kaiser_chiefs/ruby_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/k/kings_of_leon/use_somebody_ver3_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/o/offspring/want_you_bad_ver2_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/f/foo_fighters/best_of_you_ver4_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/k/keith_urban/kiss_a_girl_ver2_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/t/thrice/artist_in_the_ambulance_acoustic_ver2_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/t/taylor_swift/you_belong_with_me_ver3_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/a/all-american_rejects/swing_swing_ver2_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/s/starship/nothings_gonna_stop_us_now_ver2_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/p/plain_white_ts/1_2_3_4_ver5_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/p/plain_white_ts/our_time_now_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/r/relient_k/best_thing_ver4_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/s/switchfoot/stars_ver2_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/0-9/30_seconds_to_mars/kings_and_queens_ver3_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/0-9/30_seconds_to_mars/the_kill_ver2_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/0-9/30_seconds_to_mars/vox_populi_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/b/blink_182/all_the_small_things_crd.htm
• http://tabs.ultimate-guitar.com/b/blink_182/first_date_ver2_crd_972766id_30072010date.htm
• http://tabs.ultimate-guitar.com/b/blink_182/i_miss_you_ver6_crd_987453id_13092010date.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/b/bloodhound_gang/bad_touch_ver2_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/m/metro_station/shake_it_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/t/this_providence/my_beautiful_rescue_crd.htm
• http://tabs.ultimate-guitar.com/y/yellowcard/only_one_ver2_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/a/adam_lambert/for_your_entertainment_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/a/adam_lambert/mad_world_ver4_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/a/adam_lambert/whataya_want_from_me_ver7_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/b/boys_like_girls/thunder_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/l/lifehouse/hanging_by_a_moment_ver4_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/l/linkin_park/in_the_end_ver2_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/t/taylor_swift/love_story_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/b/bobby_mcferrin/dont_worry_be_happy_ver4_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/b/bon_jovi/its_my_life_ver4_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/b/bon_jovi/you_give_love_a_bad_name_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/f/fountains_of_wayne/stacys_mom_ver2_crd.htm

Lit1 Close Reading #1

Darlene McCoy
Madeline McDonald Lane
LIT1
7 October 2010

Attitude in the Anders

Anders, the protaganist in Tobais Wolff’s short story, “Bullet in the Brain”, is a broken man. The loves of his life - simple words, phrases, passages - no longer bring him the joy they once used to. Anders is a book critic, and he does not take his job lightly. He is a man to be feared and abhorred in the literary world, for he, "dispatches almost everything he reviews with a weary, elegant savagrey" (190). Yet, even feared critics need to visit the local bank from time to time to take care of ordinary matters - it's just a shame that poor Anders had no idea that it would be his last.
At the opening of the short story, Anders is standing in a too large for reason line behind two women having a "loud, stupid conversation," and it puts him in a rather snotty mood. When the teller attending the giant line closes her position, one of the women turns around and makes a comment about it, looking for Anders' approval. Being the amazingly sarcastic person he is, Anders responds, "Damned unfair. Tragic, really. If they're not chopping off the wrong leg, or bombing your ancestral village, they're closing off their positions" (190). The woman turns around to look at her friend for her approval of her displeasure with Anders, but her friend’s attention is on others in the room. These others, men in blue suits and ski masks, approach the bank’s guard and put a pistol to his neck. The man holding the pistol yells across the room, "One of you tellers hits the alarm, you're all dead meat. Got it?" (191). Anders, once again, replies as any gutsy, snappy, sardonic book critic in the situation would, "Oh bravo," he says, "Dead meat,” and then turning to his already insulted lady-aquaintance from earlier, “Great script, eh? The stern, brass-knuckled poetry of the dangerous classes” (191).
As the robbery scence progresses, Anders continues to make his backhanded bitter comments, and they finally draw the attention of the man with the pistol. The man pushes the weapon into Anders’ stomach, which Anders notes because it tickles him, and instead of laughing, he fixes his gaze on the man’s eyes because he figures that laughing in front of a rather batty man with a loaded gun is not an idea that would be beneficial to the prolonging of his life. Because staring contests are somewhat awkward, the criminal asks Anders, in quite the vulgar manner, to stop. Anders looks down then, to the man’s shoes, which he also apparently does not approve of, since he then uses the gun to prop up Anders’ chin, forcing him to stare at the ceiling of the bank.
Anders, once again, on instinct, begins to criticize the art adorning the ceiling. He describes it as, “Even worse than he remembered, and [that] all of it [was] executed with utmost gravity” (192). He especially takes note of a scene in which Zeus and Europa are portrayed as a bull eying a rather scandalous cow. The cow’s “canted hips” and “long, droopy eyelashes” create quite the ruckus in Anders’ brain, and his amusement annihilates his attempts at a serious demeanor. The criminal detects Anders’ breaking of face, and demands of him, “What’s so funny, bright boy?” to which Anders replies, “Nothing.” The robber then adds, “You fuck with me again, you’re history. Capiche?” (192).
Anders cannot help himself. The poor man’s attempts to hold back his laughter finally prove to be futile. He bursts out laughing, and the criminal replies by raising the gun, and shooting the satirical best-seller slaughterer in the head. Ironically, Anders’ life flashes before his eyes - but he does not see his first love, his wife, or his daughter before the bullet exits his brain - he recounts only a memory from his childhood. He remembers the intense heat of a summer day on a baseball field, the local neighborhood boys chatting about something he perceived as so trivial it was oppressive, and a certain boy’s words. These words, these grammatically incorrect, piercing words, “They is. They is. They is,” echo throughout Anders’ brain during the last milliseconds of his life. He recalls his feelings toward them - how he was roused and elated by their total unexpectedness; how that unexpectedness was music to his ears. The bullet bids farewell to its delicate jelly-like obstruction, taking with it, its “comet tail of memory and hope and talent and love” (193). Then his life ends. Anders is no more.
Authors, writers, and poets do not always simply write for pleasure. While the wit written into this short tale is quite entertaining all on its own - “Bullet in the Brain” does have an actual meaning behind its creation. This man - this Anders - is presented as a grumbling, ill-tempered, querulous person who has worked in such a quantity, and with such quality that the joy he used to receive from doing so is naught but a childhood memory. He can no longer appreciate the one thing in the world he loved more than any other; he can no longer appreciate the power of words, and because he cannot, he cannot be genuinely content with any other aspect of his life. Even on the threshold of death, he is incapable of remembering certain points in his life that one would think to be significant - nothing but the misguided phrase “They is.” “They is” - the simple, mindless, alluring phrase spoken by a bumbling boy on a summer’s day - the unexpected and beautiful incorrectness that Anders could never tire of; the odd bliss he felt in the core of his mind: “They is” is all he could remember, because it was one thing in the world that had the ability to entrance him. He extracts this memory of happiness from some corner of his mind, and then the bullet snatches it from him. Anders’ happiness, the echoing words, leave him in the “comet tail of memory and hope and talent and love” (193). At this point in the time, the reader feels some sort of remorse for this misery of a once man, now corpse. But why? Why does the reader feel anything for this antagonizing man? Anders never lived his life the way Tobias Wolff implies that he should have. And what is Wolff implying? Live life to its fullest, because life sometimes ends abruptly and unexpectedly. Do not get caught up in the solemn seriousness of life, because the not-so-serious experiences in life will be missed, and honestly, what else is there to do in life but live, and let live?

"Look At Me Go! :("

So the craziness that is apparently an innate part of B5 hit like a truck the other day.

I'm not going to go into a lot of it -- but OH MAN. Fucking insane shit, dude.

Let's put it this way... Logan and Kendal had a "talk."

Annnnnnnnnd now he's not really so much allowed to be near the downtown house.

Yep.

I found out yesterday -- duuuuuuurrr. Logan's a close friend of mine, of course I know, right?! hah

Anyway, I'm going to not post my opinions on things (right now?). I honestly don't even know what my opinions are... I just want my friends to be okay. :(

But! I do want to say... to either of you, 'cause y'know, both of ya'll read this here blogger-thingger, if you need to talk... please come find me. Even if I have a mountain of LALS homework (which I probably will ~.~), I will sit and chat with you for as long as you need. It's what friends do! ♥

I love you both. Lots. :]

There's also going to be another post later as to why I was pissed as fuck last night.

Mini-rant, go! Yahoooo!

For the Lawls.

"Hey what's up you silly fuck?!"
"Don't call me a fuck!"
"...but you're my favorite fuck!"

*facepaaaaaalm

♥

I Really Like This...

Ganked from Frankie's Tumblr.

It’s the details that I can’t get enough of. It’s the difference in the sizes of our hands; your fingers and knuckles make mine look like twigs. It’s the way I have to tilt my head back and look up at you to say, “Bitch.” It’s the way you could crush me if you hugged me just a little too hard. It’s just a fetish for that one place I can unabashedly confess, “I’m fragile,” in a world where I have to know, have to believe, and have to yell, “I’m unbreakable.”

Just Amusing.

Mooski #12 Kings and Queens - 30 Seconds to Mars

I like them. It's a good song. :)

There's no actual meaning to this song other than I enjoy the music.

That's a first! Hah

Overview of the Weekend

K so -- things started out with Date Night!

Which went really well. Like really, really well.

Exceeeeeeept for the fact that for some God awful stupid reason I don't like him.

Stupid stupid stupid. ARGH.

Anyway, realization of not liking said person so much killed half a Saturday with bad feelings.

Then people showed up.

And there was booze.

And I was intoxicated quickly.

And bad feelings sort of went away. 

Freshman gave me a lot of candy! And Red Bull! Mmmmmm! :]

Then Michael showed up... some balls were tripped.

I think I spent time in my room then, trying not to freak out, I guess.

I ended up wandering between my room and the living room...

Theeeen I pulled Logan out to talk...

Admitted that I still like him 'n stuff... (!)

Talked about some other things...

annnnnnd sort of cried all over him a little bit...

Oh dear.

After talking with Logan, I went upstairs to talk to Ryan...

Who of course, just made me feel better. Gotta love Ryan!

After that, it was like 11 already and we proceeded to leave Porter and head to Rayne's.

Housewarming party, of course!

Finally got to talk to Michael. Thanks Logan for shoving me out the door!  Everything there is now "fixed."

We were having a blast there (lesbian orgy in the closet! ♥), but her new housemates freaked Rayne out and stuff...

Which, y'know, turned things a little sour. Just a little.

We headed out at like... 2 - 2:30? Dunno. Just went to Kendal's place for a bit. Alec and Logan ended up crashing there... They have a really freaking cute kitty.

Left Kendal's at like 3 AM, got back to Porter, and proceeded to pass the fuck out.

Now it's morning... and I'm just like... holy good fuck, what the hell do I do with my life?

I guess I should take a shower. Go eat at the d-hall. Do normal things.

I did everything I wanted to last night... mission accomplished... but I didn't really think of what might happen this week and today. Kind of worried because some shit did go down last night.

Well. Actually. I don't think anything is going to happen. I'm just gonna go back to being somewhat lonely single me who has hardly any interest in anyone. I feel like I have a switch... and someone turned it off... or that somehow, I've learned to be so emotionally detached to people though the craziness of my life, that it's hard for me to have feelings for anyone outside of my friend group. Geeeeeeeeeeez my brain hurts.

Oh and most of Porter now knows I'm crazy as fuck. I'm not really the most quiet person.

OH WELL. :)

Tonight

Shit Fuck Tits Balls Assholes ARGH Doom Destruction Sleep Sleepy ARGH Damnit.

ARGH THE WORLD

Man, I feel like crap.

Tonight is going to be intense.

All Bad.

I've been on some awesome dates in the past two weeks.

But there's still no emotional attachment for me...

ARGH!

I like this guy 'cause he's cute, nice, tells me I'm pretty and is a damned good kisser... I guess.

Dunno...

Dear problem, fix yourself? Please?

Lots of Links, Lots of Music

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