Well shit, I sure know myself well.
I told you I'd more than likely be angry in the morning, right?
I sure wasn't kidding!
K now: Hello rant! Commence! Begin! Let the mother fucking river flow.
I am incredibly angry.
Do you realize what you did to me last night? You took advantage of the situation, you were so God damned freaking selfish. ARGHHH
I am so upset. I wanted to have a good night. And I WAS HAVING AN EXCELLENT NIGHT.
Who the hell are you to dictate my life? MY LIFE.
Who are you to judge the people I'm interested in?
Why didn't I give you a chance? BECAUSE I WASN'T INTERESTED IN YOU. DUH.
The last time I gave someone a chance that I wasn't completely interested in turned into a disaster. Luckily, he and I can still talk and be friends, but that's all I ever see for us. Friends. He just doesn't get it enough to be more than that to me. And I'm so glad I realized that soon enough for us to prolong our friendship. I enjoy it, quite a bit.
Fuck I'm so pissed because you have been dictating my life. I've pitied you to the point where I just freaking feel bad so I keep this going.
Now I'm mad. Genuinely pissed the fuck off.
Chris was right, Mr. Victoria. This needs to end. You need to spend time away from me and heal again. You need to leave me the fuck alone, sir. You're making both of us miserable. YOU ARE KILLING ME. I wanted to relax and have fun this summer. You're not allowing that to happen. You're burdening me with so many damned depressing horrible things. I've been dealing with my own depressing shit all year long, and that's driven me to near insanity. I just wanted to be around someone who I can just be happy with. You don't always have to delve into your or your friend's soul to attain happiness. Some things are better left unsaid. Cry about them later, at whatever time and place you see fit. I no longer want to deal with stupid horrible ugly unhappiness. I deserve to be happy, and being happy is a choice. You can choose to be happy. To ignore the ugly of the world, and appreciate the things that are good and simple. GOD DAMN I AM JUST SO ANGRY. Straight up DARLENE MOTHER FUCKIN' RAGE. Ugh. I'm so upset. Breaking in two. I tried my best. I did. I wanted things to be better. Should have just listened to Cindy. All I wanted was to make friends that were worthwhile, because I know and believe that a lot of people are. I want to get to know people better... I want to have a group of friends at home again. I'm not just home to be your personal pet friend type thing. God I'm so mad. SO MAD. You're preventing all of this, and additionally, killing me slowly. I've not cried like that in years, and the last time I cried like that in front of a person was prolly right before the eighth grade. Fuck you for taking advantage of me. For bringing this monster out of me. I want you to go away. Just go away. Right now being alone is better than this. Fucking hate emotions. They're God damned retarded and stupid. I don't know if I want you to actually go away, but you better get the freaking point: YOU DO NOT DICTATE MY LIFE. Stop making me feel bad. I just want to smile for a while, is that so bad? If I am going to make a mistake, let me make it. I'm sorry it's not good for you, but it's not like I'm going off to do lines every night or something. I'm just interested in a guy who isn't you.
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