Sometimes, My Phone Stares at Me.

It tells me to call you, and to tell you that everything's gonna be okay. And that all I said last year was just a mistake. I'm still visiting, still watching. Still hoping you're okay... still wondering if when four (now 2 1/2) years passes... I might still have these thoughts, these feelings, this never ending tic in my head. I wonder, quite often, if I made the right decision. If wonder what would've happened if I didn't get back on that plane, what would have happened if I decided to throw away my dreams, and stay with you. It's just hard to think about. Still got that ring.

I miss talking to you about nothing. Watching Full House, snuggling, everything. It's been so long, and still, yesterday. I can conjure up how I felt when I left whenever my mind pleases -- not that it really does, because damn that sucked balls, but y'know...

It's been a year and a half, and you still cross my mind. Your imprint is on my soul, forever. But I'm too afraid -- too afraid to say anything. My life is so different now, and I'm afraid that I might not care about you the way I once did. I want to remember you forever as you are in my head now. I worry that I will never find anyone as special to me as you were. Even if, even if I met you under the silliest circumstances, and our relationship grew under them. So silly. There's one photo album for four years. Ugh. Don't even know why I'm thinkin' 'bout this so much. Must be Valentine's Day coming up. First one alone. (Last year def didn't count. XD) Dunno dunno dunno. 'Tis just what was on my mind.

I'm also afraid to talk because I dunno if I can handle all those feelings coming back. I kinda feel like they would, and it'd be hard on my brain. Don't have time to have my brain off in other places, got papers to write! (Fuck meeeee~!)

I wonder if most of your posts are still about me. I've read it all. Of course. I'm a damned internet creeper if there ever was one.

Maybe I'll come back one day... I know what happiness is, and I've not experienced anything near the amount I felt during those times...

UgUgUg.

Brain, you need to shut down. You gotta go to bed, anyway. Got ballet in the mornin'. And a paper to write. Ew.

Tired. Thoughtful. Feelings 'n shit. Da fuck?