The Need to Write!

SOOOOOOO today in 102!

I was thinking, since we were just going over Benjamin again,

Man, I really want to write about Vanquish. Hahahaha.

Then I laughed at how nostalgic, nerdy, and fantastic I am.

Then I laughed at Alex being passed out because he stayed up until 6 AM finishing our paper for the class.

What a goof!

Anyway, so like, I was all supppppper down to start writing again.

Then I realized: shit, bro, I don't have any time for this shit!

Eh. Not really. I think I'm more just scared that my writing will end up as bad like, FFXI fanfiction. I don't wanna do that.

I do not have a lot of time, though. I mean, that's sort of true.

Then again, I have the time right now to be writing this...

Let's stop talking about me and time, 'aight?

Hrm... so now yeah okay~!

Writing. I want to write about Vanquish as a set of short stories that kinda are a memoir. They'd be Memoirs of a White Mage. Hhahahahaa.

I don't know why I laugh at writing about FFXI and the people I met there so much... maybe it's because society finds internet relationships to be petty jokes and not real in any sense -- and the connotations that go along with playing a MMO are just freakin' crazy... as in crazy negative...

Maybe I'm still afraid to step out of my comfort zone.

Funny, I know that once I do, I can produce something amazing.

But maybe I'm just not ready for that yet. Maybe I'm not ready because I don't feel that I have the adequate brain time to use on writing. Shit, man, I'd prolly only be able to write like a few pages a day, if that. Y'know, providing I was in the right mood to be writing at all. Homan--

Either way, there's been a lot on my mind recently. I've been spending a lot of time with Jacob, and it's made me really relaxed, peaceful, and happy. Though I feel as if I am being selfish, because my communication with Ryan has dropped substantially this week. I hope he doesn't think that I all of a sudden think ill of him -- as his crazy brain might do -- I just am like, happy as I am right now and am too selfish to want to change any of that at the moment.

Then again, why should I ever change my plans if they involve me being less happy? :/ Right?

Man. Everything is so crazy right now. Well, everything forever is crazy. That's just kinda how life is....

Tonight the Stellar Corpses are playing at the Catalyst. I don't think I'm going. I just like, won't feel right there. I'm not a psychobilly type of girl, y'know? I don't even know how to type the word correctly. I think the culture is cool, and I really appreciate it, but I'm not the type of person who can participate in a mosh pit -- even if it's the nicest most pit that ever existed! I can't deal with physical discomfort very well. It really affects my thinking and thought processes... no bueno, dude.

Also tonight: Silly Creature is playing at Kresge Town Hall aka 2 feet away from my apt. I haven't seen r00b, Nate, or Keyhan for a long time, and I'd really like to show those guys that I still enjoy Silly Creature, and that I support them! Besides, I'm also contemplating wearing my fish net shirt to the show to mess with Rubino. Hahahaha.

Oi, everything ever. Again. Everything ever in my head. Did you know I can write for days, dear blogger? I think you do, but sometimes, when my archive looks thin, I think you question my ability to write. I do too, though, so, maybe all of this thinking is kinda pointless. Maybe I should write a book all in stream-of-consciousness. That'd be really cool. It'd also prolly contain a lot of typos. Can I use spellcheck if I'm typing in stream-of-consciousness? Hahahaha. I think what I'm writing now is kinda stream-of-consciousness, and I used spellcheck to spell consciousness correctly... so... I guess it counts. Meh. Dunno. Too philosophical for me at the moment!

Erg so like later, I really want to write a super-awesome and long blog post about that teacher that I tried to get to know on Tumblr. I have no idea why he didn't respond to me. He prolly either thinks that I'm some goob ass undergrad without a brain OR doesn't actually have the time for a social life. I'm gonna give him the benefit of the doubt, because he is a teacher, and a very devoted teacher, so I think it is plausible that he could've had something more important to do than to chat with some random person on Tumblr. I just wish that he would've talked to me... I think he's so cool and smart and awesome and just like! Ugh. I would like to talk to someone who's just ahead of me in life so baaaaaaaaaad. I mean, the fact that he's adorable as shit doesn't bother me at all, either, but still. I'm not looking for a relationship right now. There's kinda one smacking me in the face currently. Oi. To be fair, I don't know if smacking is the right word to use. It implies that I'm not happy, or am like, forced into my current relationship situation. And I'm not. I do what I want. Like forever. Forever forever. Did you know that I freaking love language? Gosh, it's like the most interesting thing eveeer! But, then again, I prolly love the study of literature more. I dunno. I wonder what Tanner got on his paper. I'm really curious. Because I'm a bad person. Oh well.

Saturday night kinda sucked. It's a good thing this weekend has arrived now, though, because I think it's about to be a good one!

Also: heard Steve was more... of not my type of person. Interesting. Still willing to investigate, but like, significantly less interested in anything with him. I guess that's what the investigating is for, right? Hah!

Man. I keep talking about all of these things and people floating around and around and around in my head, but I never seem to talk about the things that are really, really important to me. Oh well. I don't know if I'm okay with my heart and soul on the internet -- just my brain works a lot better for me.

But wait. Is my brain my heart and soul? OH SHIT PHILOSOPHICAL QUESTION TIMEEEEE

Oi, man, everything ever. Everything ever. Abbey is coming over on the 25th. I'm really excited to see her and how she's grown over the past few years. I think she's an incredible young lady, and never, ever gives herself enough credit for how far she's come. I guess that's where I come in, eh? :D

We're gonna watch Velvet Goldmine. It has Ewan McGregor naked in it. Hahahaha. 'Cause, y'know, I totally watch movies for a single aesthetic moment. Whatever. lol  I really hope I can get Kim to come over, too, because Goddamn I miss her. She's the freaking best.

UGGGGGGH. Could write forever. Forever and ever.

Whatevs.

I think I'm done for now. My brain isn't functioning as I'd like it to be to continue.

Don't ask me why -- 'cause I don't wanna think about it.

But then again, blogger, you don't ask me questions... you just sit here and allow me to fill you with my thoughts. So non-judgmental. I love it.

Meh. Ta-ta for now, motherfucker!