When the Depression is Real

and you just can't stop crying
because you feel like you're worth nothing
and that you can't accomplish anything
and that you're an embarrassment to your friends, family, and education
too embarrassed to go outside
stress acne for five years
too anxious to talk to anyone face-to-face outside of the family
nervous about possibly going out this weekend
nervous about possibly not going out this weekend
nervous about telling other people possibly going out or not
nervous about calling driving lesson people
nervous about not calling driving lesson people
completely putting off dealing with student loans
wanting to hide... from everything...

will it help to put these words here?
or will I look back on this sadness
and wonder to myself if letting the world know how I feel
is an okay thing

I need to eat, and I have no hunger
warm water seems fine right now, because at least I'm drinking it
do I even deserve colder water?
I sure didn't have the ability to make it cold last night. Too sad.
Too stressed
by what - though?
Literally nothing. Nothing important.
Simply a brain telling me I am worthless
No matter how many nice words I hear
A brain telling me I am worthless
A face telling me I am ugly
Thoughts telling me I am too scared

maybe this will help.
maybe

This is a Test

I need to make sure my blog posts don't automatically go to Google+. I don't use it and I don't really want them connected.
Once again, this is a test.

I am actually using two accounts to manage this blog now. I no longer use my old e-mail so my new one has the ability to make posts, but cannot edit the layout / settings. So I have to sign in and out constantly to make that work... ew.

So the goal is to make sure everything works on old e-mail before I just leave my new one signed in like usual. Yeah man. Computer life. Problems. Some real shit right here.

This is a Thing.

This is a post, on a new blog, by the same old person on a new e-mail.
Thanks for inspiring me to be thoughtful again.
Hopefully this will help, and bring great things for you to read!

I like the new layout. Fresh, clean, and full of bluebirds.

Everything that was posted in the past... I think 2012 and earlier, has received the "Pre-Bagel" tag. There's a whole lot that's happened since then! A whole, whole lot! Maybe I'll get into it one day but I think I'm going to take one step at a time here. Can't just spill everything on the first post back, right?

Gotta say, Blogger really stepped up its game. I really enjoy the new tools, but the same old basic simplicity.

Here's to hoping I really begin to chronicle my daily thoughts again.