So I've never really changed. Still a pretty awful person.
Took one of my best friend's feelings and destroyed them.
Took his kindness and tossed it aside...
Took his love and never fully returned it.
All in the name of what? Me? My mental health?
None of this is really healthy.
I am sad for him. But I made the right decision for me.
He sang for me yesterday... one of the most heartbreaking yet lovely moments of my life.
He showed me his face.
He showed me his smile.
He showed me how he looks at me...
and somehow, it just wasn't enough.
The whole world wasn't enough...
because I never got to feel the world.
I never knew the world was waiting for me until it was too late --
the breaths of recognition are the hardest to breathe.
I made a new connection. A very strong, new connection.
and I want to pursue it.
I want to go celebrate his birthday with him. I want to meet new people and make new friends.
It's seriously full-on Alladin Whole New World-ness...
it's exciting, new, full of adventure and possibly a really great relationship.
I am so sad I had to give up so much.
But it all seems like it'll be worth it.
I just wish there was some way to make you smile, friend. To lessen your pain.
You tried everything. Max effort. I loved and appreciated each moment.
I am just so sorry.
2 comments:
I'm in the midst of applying for my PhD, and thought to myself "I wonder what people find when they google my alias?" - I found a post on your blog from like.... 8 years ago that mentioned me, so thought I'd see what was up :)
I think I called a few times just to chat, but didn't get pickups, and then at some point removed your number. If things are not awesome and you'd like to chat or do some light gaming of any sort, I'm a filthy casual, but still game with a lot of the old folks I've been playing with forever (Magitek Vacation V6 coming up soon!)
Anyway darling, much love and hope things get better. You should totally give me a jingle anyway and entertain me at some point even if you're feeling better.
Unless you didn't pick-up the last few times I'd called because I'd been put into a stalker bucket, in which case, I retract my love and hope you stub your toe in brutal fashion.
Brutal.toe.stubbing.
I TOTALLY DID NOT NOT PICK UP BECAUSE YOU'RE A STALKER.
Just text me, and I'll have your number.
I would still love to do a 'Tek vacation, you know, if I can afford it.
:D
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