The Need to Write!

SOOOOOOO today in 102!

I was thinking, since we were just going over Benjamin again,

Man, I really want to write about Vanquish. Hahahaha.

Then I laughed at how nostalgic, nerdy, and fantastic I am.

Then I laughed at Alex being passed out because he stayed up until 6 AM finishing our paper for the class.

What a goof!

Anyway, so like, I was all supppppper down to start writing again.

Then I realized: shit, bro, I don't have any time for this shit!

Eh. Not really. I think I'm more just scared that my writing will end up as bad like, FFXI fanfiction. I don't wanna do that.

I do not have a lot of time, though. I mean, that's sort of true.

Then again, I have the time right now to be writing this...

Let's stop talking about me and time, 'aight?

Hrm... so now yeah okay~!

Writing. I want to write about Vanquish as a set of short stories that kinda are a memoir. They'd be Memoirs of a White Mage. Hhahahahaa.

I don't know why I laugh at writing about FFXI and the people I met there so much... maybe it's because society finds internet relationships to be petty jokes and not real in any sense -- and the connotations that go along with playing a MMO are just freakin' crazy... as in crazy negative...

Maybe I'm still afraid to step out of my comfort zone.

Funny, I know that once I do, I can produce something amazing.

But maybe I'm just not ready for that yet. Maybe I'm not ready because I don't feel that I have the adequate brain time to use on writing. Shit, man, I'd prolly only be able to write like a few pages a day, if that. Y'know, providing I was in the right mood to be writing at all. Homan--

Either way, there's been a lot on my mind recently. I've been spending a lot of time with Jacob, and it's made me really relaxed, peaceful, and happy. Though I feel as if I am being selfish, because my communication with Ryan has dropped substantially this week. I hope he doesn't think that I all of a sudden think ill of him -- as his crazy brain might do -- I just am like, happy as I am right now and am too selfish to want to change any of that at the moment.

Then again, why should I ever change my plans if they involve me being less happy? :/ Right?

Man. Everything is so crazy right now. Well, everything forever is crazy. That's just kinda how life is....

Tonight the Stellar Corpses are playing at the Catalyst. I don't think I'm going. I just like, won't feel right there. I'm not a psychobilly type of girl, y'know? I don't even know how to type the word correctly. I think the culture is cool, and I really appreciate it, but I'm not the type of person who can participate in a mosh pit -- even if it's the nicest most pit that ever existed! I can't deal with physical discomfort very well. It really affects my thinking and thought processes... no bueno, dude.

Also tonight: Silly Creature is playing at Kresge Town Hall aka 2 feet away from my apt. I haven't seen r00b, Nate, or Keyhan for a long time, and I'd really like to show those guys that I still enjoy Silly Creature, and that I support them! Besides, I'm also contemplating wearing my fish net shirt to the show to mess with Rubino. Hahahaha.

Oi, everything ever. Again. Everything ever in my head. Did you know I can write for days, dear blogger? I think you do, but sometimes, when my archive looks thin, I think you question my ability to write. I do too, though, so, maybe all of this thinking is kinda pointless. Maybe I should write a book all in stream-of-consciousness. That'd be really cool. It'd also prolly contain a lot of typos. Can I use spellcheck if I'm typing in stream-of-consciousness? Hahahaha. I think what I'm writing now is kinda stream-of-consciousness, and I used spellcheck to spell consciousness correctly... so... I guess it counts. Meh. Dunno. Too philosophical for me at the moment!

Erg so like later, I really want to write a super-awesome and long blog post about that teacher that I tried to get to know on Tumblr. I have no idea why he didn't respond to me. He prolly either thinks that I'm some goob ass undergrad without a brain OR doesn't actually have the time for a social life. I'm gonna give him the benefit of the doubt, because he is a teacher, and a very devoted teacher, so I think it is plausible that he could've had something more important to do than to chat with some random person on Tumblr. I just wish that he would've talked to me... I think he's so cool and smart and awesome and just like! Ugh. I would like to talk to someone who's just ahead of me in life so baaaaaaaaaad. I mean, the fact that he's adorable as shit doesn't bother me at all, either, but still. I'm not looking for a relationship right now. There's kinda one smacking me in the face currently. Oi. To be fair, I don't know if smacking is the right word to use. It implies that I'm not happy, or am like, forced into my current relationship situation. And I'm not. I do what I want. Like forever. Forever forever. Did you know that I freaking love language? Gosh, it's like the most interesting thing eveeer! But, then again, I prolly love the study of literature more. I dunno. I wonder what Tanner got on his paper. I'm really curious. Because I'm a bad person. Oh well.

Saturday night kinda sucked. It's a good thing this weekend has arrived now, though, because I think it's about to be a good one!

Also: heard Steve was more... of not my type of person. Interesting. Still willing to investigate, but like, significantly less interested in anything with him. I guess that's what the investigating is for, right? Hah!

Man. I keep talking about all of these things and people floating around and around and around in my head, but I never seem to talk about the things that are really, really important to me. Oh well. I don't know if I'm okay with my heart and soul on the internet -- just my brain works a lot better for me.

But wait. Is my brain my heart and soul? OH SHIT PHILOSOPHICAL QUESTION TIMEEEEE

Oi, man, everything ever. Everything ever. Abbey is coming over on the 25th. I'm really excited to see her and how she's grown over the past few years. I think she's an incredible young lady, and never, ever gives herself enough credit for how far she's come. I guess that's where I come in, eh? :D

We're gonna watch Velvet Goldmine. It has Ewan McGregor naked in it. Hahahaha. 'Cause, y'know, I totally watch movies for a single aesthetic moment. Whatever. lol  I really hope I can get Kim to come over, too, because Goddamn I miss her. She's the freaking best.

UGGGGGGH. Could write forever. Forever and ever.

Whatevs.

I think I'm done for now. My brain isn't functioning as I'd like it to be to continue.

Don't ask me why -- 'cause I don't wanna think about it.

But then again, blogger, you don't ask me questions... you just sit here and allow me to fill you with my thoughts. So non-judgmental. I love it.

Meh. Ta-ta for now, motherfucker!

"Beatiful People" on Tumblr - Thoughts

Many a person on Tumblr spams my dashboard with many a photo of a "Beautiful person" and while I'd agree that the photos they post of people are quite nice, and quite attractive, for some reason, they bother me. They gnaw at my brain. They make me uncomfortable. And this morning, I finally figured out why.

These "beautiful people" are simply photos. That's it. Nothing about who they are, what they do, their interests, their talents, their dreams...

Is the girl pictured about beautiful because her hair's red? Because she's wearing thigh high socks? Because her face is very pretty and well made-up? Is she pretty because she's the idea of "different"? Why, of all the pictures of people, did you post this one? By posting this picture, what are you saying about yourself? Are you wishing you could look like her? Are you wishing you were different, like her? What are you trying to promote? What are you saying about her?

You know how to be different? Be yourself. Everyone is unique and special -- don't let idiotic conceptions of beauty destroy who you are. I'm blonde, with blue eyes, white as fuck, and I know I'm different. I look totally fuckin' normal, not special in any way, and yet, I'm beautiful. (Fuck yeah Lady Gaga, anyone? Born This Way premiered today! XD) Sure my face is scarred from the years of acne I've endured, but fuck man, does that really matter? I freak the fuck out about my face because I feel ugly, due to society that we live in. Scars aren't pretty, therefore I'm not pretty. Fucking bullshit. This world is God damned stupid. Haha. If the world saw more in people than the way they look, I'd of never felt awful about myself for the last... what, 7 years? I don't get a chance to show people who I am, because I'm so damn worried they won't even communicate with me because I'm simply too ugly. I don't have to wear weird clothes or dye my hair crazy colors to know I'm different, sure, I can understand the reasoning behind "Man, my hair looks fucking cool with a purple streak in it," but ugghhh... rage rage rage... I really, really, hate people's idea of beauty, and people who post on Tumblr just promote the shit out of the idea. Soooooo disturbing to me...

One can run around promoting how different they are, or they can just be different. 

One can run around promoting how much of a nice guy he is, or he can just be a nice guy.

Actions people, actions. They speak so much more.

How can someone be considered beautiful if they're just an image? Just a photo? What if the person in said picture is posing to make a few extra bucks to fund her crack addiction as her baby daddy struggles to feed the newborn she's too fucked up to take care of? Is she still beautiful? I'm sorry, but I beg to differ... looks aren't everything, people.

Also: photoshop. lol.

Furthermore, there's no stories behind these pictures. They're shallow. One-dimensional. And they promote a very crude and limited sense of beauty. Being beautiful is so much more than nice tits and an ass... ARRRGGGHHH

Now, when I get drunk, one of the most common things I utter is, "Look at all the beautiful people." And most people would say because I'm drunk, the phrase means a whole lot less. I once again, beg to differ. I feel like I'm most honest when my walls are down, and alcohol breaks 'em down real fast...

Anyway, I'ma point out somethin' real quick like:
I usually say "Look at all the beautiful people" around my closest friends, the ones I truly know are beautiful - while we're dancing, chillin' around a hookah, playin' Apples to Apples, having awesome drunk moments, or simply watching a Giants game. Then again, I believe that there's at least one thing about a person that makes them beautiful... so... euh. It's not uncommon for me to say something of the sort on say, a dance floor. Oh but I can explain that! Dancing is something that is very personal, even if it's just flailing... people can express themselves through dance, and that's why a bunch of dancing people is beautiful! They're expressing something of themselves to everyone else, and how can anyone scoff at that? How can that not be beautiful? Dance, especially drunk dancing, is a very raw form of human expression... a unique expression of one's self... Yeah! (I sometimes say "Look at all the beautiful people!" to make KendalKorn giggle, too, 'cause for some reason she's super amused by it... :]) 

Anyway! I didn't say it once this last party -- because I didn't freakin' know anyone there. (Also: not drunk? Dunno if I said it [in the context I'm writing of] at the party before this, but uh... yeah, here's a loop in my argument!) XD Party was weird as fuck, I got creeped on, and I got to spend maybe a fraction of my time there with my actual friends, because they were too busy freakin' the fuck out about the random ass people who showed up who ended up getting pretty sick... ugh... worries + booze = not happy.

I also have a "Beautiful Man Wall" here in my room, which I'd think most people would consider a flag for "Hey, you don't give a fuck about beauty!" Why do I think they're beautiful? I've watched every single person on my wall. Most are from movies, or Matt Bellamy... I've got an image of them, and their personalities in my mind. They're not just a body... not just an image of what I consider "attractive." While I'm kind of aware that Johnny Depp is kind of an asshole, the roles he plays (the Mad Hatter, Captain Jack) are what I associate his personality with, so y'know, it's a little off, but yeah... I think my point has been made...

Shit man I don't even know... I gotta go eat breakfast...

I'm just glad I figured out why these pictures bother me. They're attractive (these chicks are def hot, I'm not arguing against what they look like at all!), not beautiful. Beauty is so much more than a picture on Tumblr. Stupid materialistic world... stupid stupid stupid... rageragerage

I feel like I can write about Derrida now. Hello, thinking mood.

SO HUNGRRRRYYY XDD

So When I Get Bored

I look up pictures of Matt Bellamy.

XDD ILOVEHIMMM




































Dunno if this is Matt or Dom, but it is very amusing.



































I fucking love the internet.

Emmys Goodness:

Just a pic of David Tennant. I liked it. Didn't know he'd be at the Emmys, but who I am kidding? He was DOCTOR WHO! Yeaaah!


I think it'd be harder to find a picture of him I didn't like, but whatever.

There Will Be...

more additions to the beautiful man wall soon.

The Glee cast has some beautiful men. (Matthew Mmmmmmmmmmorrison! XD)

So, um, yeah.

Too lazy to do it now though. Hah :D

Beautiful People on the Bachelorette

So this season of the Bachelorette was one to remember. (Which coming from me, is saying a lot.) There were some fantastic people on it! I don't normally watch this show, or the Bachelor, because I find the Bachelor/Bachelorette to be boring, the show hella corny, and so on so forth. And I like bad television.

This is Ms. Bachelorette: Ali Fedotowsky - she ended up with a smokin' hot man.


First of all: she's hella cute! But also, she was fun to watch, had a pretty fantabulous personality (she handled her "situations" well) and I actually felt like she was a person. Good Bachelorette makes for good show. It only makes sense.

There were some of her guys:
(I like American boys, too!)

#1 - Jonathan Novack ~ "Weatherman"


LOOK AT THIS MAN. LOOK AT HIM. ISN'T HE THE MOST ADORABLE THING EVER?! I'm using the cast pictures from the show to make the blog look pretty and polished, so here's another look: Click HERE for hella cute weatherman. Just gonna say this again: LOOK AT THAT FACE!! LOOK AT THAT FACE!! SOADORABLE. Anyway, in the Bachelorette, he got picked on by this next guy I'm going to showcase, and lord, I didn't know male drama could rival that of its counterpart. It was beautiful. He was on Bachelor Pad for a few episodes, but them crazy evil ladies on that show SENT HIM HOME. EVEN AFTER HE SANG THEM HILARIOUS SONGS. I was actually upset. Actually upset that he got voted off. Stupid ABC. They need to take lessons from VH1 in the sense that THEY NEED TO APPEASE THEIR VIEWERS!! GAH! Erm. Yeah. Anyway. I love the Weatherman. I want to write to him!



#2 - Craig McKinnon


THIS GUY. THIS GUY RIGHT HERE. THIS GUY HAS AWESOME HAIR. ALL CAPS. FOR REAL. I have a hard time deciding who I like more - this guy or the Weatherman. On the Bachelorette he pretty much bullied the Weatherman - and the Weatherman kind of sort of proceeded to act like a little girl. I love him, but he was pretty lame on the Bacheorette. Anyway, Craig dressed up in some of the Weatherman's stuff and paraded around, making corny weather jokes. It was brilliant. The Weatherman, in return, went and told Ali that he was "dangerous." AND in the promotion/preview commercials for Bachelor Pad, Craig won my heart. He did. He said to the camera, "You know what they say about me. *pause* *hair flip* I'm dangerous." SO GOOD. SO FUNNY. This is a pretty good video, sums him up pretty well. He's an asshole. And I love him for it.



#3 - Frank Neuschaefer


This guy is just "smokin' hot," to quote Brett Michaels (lol). I was rooting for him hardcore throughout the entire season. Too bad. If you've been living in a hole, or just hate reality television (both 100% acceptable!) he made it to the final three to decide that he was still in love with his ex-girlfriend, and flew back out to Tahiti to meet Ali and tell her what happened. The drama, it was so intense. Man. Glasses on hunks are hot. Teehee! This is a video of the break up. Hella intense television. The music is so corny though. It makes me angry. (Remember to look at how cute he is!)



...and yeah well that's it for this post. I want to play more Sims.
Actually, I lied. Gonna go watch Big Brother in five minutes. Sims can wait 'til later.

Mooski #7 For Your Entertainment - Adam Lambert

I've already featured this man on my Wall of Beautiful Men (see the Beautiful Men label) and I just love this song.

Sure, it doesn't show off his pipes (as much as a song could) but with pipes like his, damn!

Either way... I like this song... a lot... and to quote Mr. Ventura: "This song is sex."

I agree. I SO AGREE. :]

Desktop Wallpaper I Made!

Oooooh, he's so pretty, especially in purple! ♥

(If you don't know who this is, read my blog more, and listen to good music.)

The resolution is lower than I wanted, because Photobucket won't make things as big as I'd like them, and I use Photobucket to edit stuff, so, hey, I get owned.

Luckily, this still looks awesome, even if it's stretched out a little.

My natural screen resolution is 1366 x 768... hello widesreen!

Beautiful Man #10 - Billy Boyd

3rd man from LOTR! This is Billy Boyd, better know as Pippin! ♥ He's just so damn adorable, and silly, and I love the part when he sings the song "The Steward of Gondor." It's beautiful, and creepy, and done so well. He's my favorite hobbit, by far, and like a good fan girl, I'm excited when he's on screen! I honestly don't know what else he really does, but he has def been my desktop background before. This picture, even! Mmmmm... short people with hairy feet.

Beautiful Man #9 - Viggo Mortensen

Viggo Mortensen is the second LOTR man to grace my wall, and it is not without reason! But don't worry, dear reader, Gimili will not be an addition just because he's in the movies! Yet another super attractive older man... my Mom is always like, "ooooh!" when he comes on screen... or at least she was, God knows she'll prolly not watch LOTR again. Aragorn's character is played so well... and is so manly... and stuff. Oh well, this actor is awesome, and looks awesome. Woo!

Beautiful Man #8 - Adam Lambert

I'd listen to 107.9 the End's Wake Up Call every morning before class in high school, and boy did they talk about this man a lot! They always asked callers why they adored him so much, and all that kinds of junk. I did not really become aware of the awesomeness that is Adam Lambert until after he was done with American Idol. (I don't really like American Idol so much, anyway.) This guy blew me away. When I heard his voice, the insane pipes on this man, combined with such a pretty face, I melted. And when he did his thing on the AMAs, I was even more proud to call myself a fan of Adam Lambert. It's very simple: I LOVE WHO HE IS AND WHAT HE EMBODIES AND STANDS FOR. He knows what he wants, and he goes for it, and that's something to admire! Oh yeah, one more thing: the video for "For Your Entertainment" and the song in general is sex. He's my idol.

Beautiful Man #7 - Orlando Bloom

Orlando Bloom has a baby face, and is therefore made fun of often. He is a man associated with being thirteen. But the thing is with Orlando Bloom, y'see - is he is LEGOLAS! YEEAH, Legolas. Freaking elf man. Hot elf man. AND A PIRATE. GOD I LOVE PIRATES. Yep yep yep. I dunno what else to say, really, he's just pretty. Good to look at. I had a poster of him as Legolas over my bed when I was like thirteen or fourteen. Was nice to stare at when I couldn't sleep at night. Man, I'm creepy.

Beautiful Man #6 - Johnny Depp

I love him 'cause he's a pirate. A really hot, smoldering, grimy pirate. God I love pirates. So why is this a picture of Johnny Depp as not-a-pirate? 'Cause he's freakin' hot here, too! Look at that man! Look at that piano! The only thing bad about this picture is the cigarette. Those aren't sexy. But man... oh man...

Beautiful Man #5 - Zach Braff

JD! Zach Braff is here because I love John Dorian. I love him, and Scrubs, SO MUCH! My brother and I bonded over this show. It's so funny, so entertaining, and sometimes it even makes you think! Think! AH! That's so weird! Scrubs has also made my heart break before... such a good show, so sad that this man is no longer on it. Anyway, JD = smokin' hot, so Zach Braff can take his place on my Beautiful Man Wall!

Beautiful Man #4 - Ewan McGregor

I loved Moulin Rouge with a passion when I first saw it in like, 2001-2002. Such a great film! Later, I saw Big Fish. Yet another great film. Then, I caught on to this actor. This beautiful, beautiful, amazing, awesome actor. I remember days when my best friend and I would watch Transpotting and Velvet Goldmine. Man. Yeah. Good days. Fuckin' middle school man, good times. Ewan McGregor is known for being naked. From what I know, he says, "Women have to do it all the time, so I do just to tip the scales a bit!" Oh, thank you!!

Beautiful Man #3 - Hugh Laurie

Hugh Laurie is a man that has become more attractive with age. I love how he portrays House, he's so wonderful! It's one of my favorite shows on television because of his acting! He's fun to watch, and so brilliantly sadistic. It's great, he's great! Woo!