Still Thinkin' About You

I want to write more blogs about you. I wish I had written more before all this, too, just so I could see you smile about them! Sunshine. You are my sunshine now. You're so wonderful for me. So wonderful. And I know you're worried. Worried that you might hurt me, but I promise you it'll be okay. I'm tough. And you're a lot less mean than you think, hun. I'm also super prepared to be there for you. I mean, I've always been, as much as possible anyway. But like, now, I really get to be there for you and it makes me so happy. Lean on me just as much as I lean on you. We're in this together now, y'know? This isn't a one-sided relationship. Because it is a relationship. I want to be there when you're upset. I want to be the one you talk to. The one that helps you get through your mind. I want to be the person who you can say anything to. So don't be afraid. Even if what's on your mind might possibly hurt me -- the best thing for us to do is talk. Even if things are upsetting, it'll be okay, we'll work through it. I know you're stubborn, and sometimes I am, too. But I'm not worried. I think it'll be fine. It'll be okay. And that everything is going to work out in the end and this will be wonderful. I mean, c'mon, it already is. I just still, cannot explain how damned excited I am to be with you. You have made me so happy in the last few weeks. There's been something of a hole in my life that needed filling (as cliche as it is) and you really, really, filled that space. And when I think of filling in holes I think of planting flowers... and I think our relationship will produce beautiful blooms. I'm so excited. I'm not scared in the least. I'm not worried in the least. I trust you. I know you trust me, too. So all we have to do is keep working together to make each other happy. I got this. You got this. Let's go. Keep going, keep strong. You're wonderful. Everything is going to be okay. We'll see each other lots this summer, I'll make sure of it. Gosh... I just want to be for you everything you are for me. And I know this is a lot, and a rather intense little post, especially for us only being together for not so long, but like, I'm not going to sit around and pretend I don't care about you as much as I do because of silly little time. I'm sure you already have an idea of how much I care by just how our friendship went -- or you should, anyway! You're one of the few people I would happily (this is a key word) drop anything for. You've always meant so much to me, and man oh man, now I get to be with you. I always want you to know that I'll be there for you, and I'm going to care, and I will not abandon you because you're going through a hard time. I like relationships. And the more work you put into them, the better they become. I'm prepared. I'm crazy about you. This blog. This blog, man. I don't write like this too often, but you inspire me. You inspire me to be better, and to write, and you make me feel beautiful. It's been so long since I've really felt beautiful. I just-- I just cannot fully express how happy I am. You're the best. And you're really freaking cool, too!

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Also: Infected Mushroom is going to be fucking awesome.

I Swear to Freaking God

There will be real blog posts. Soon. Maybe soon? I don't know. But there are things that need discussing. DISCUSSION IS REQUIRED GODDAMNIT! Where are you Janet omg omg omg omg omg D: SLUUUUUT NOT YET GIVE HER TIME . . . Argh. Seriously. My brain right now is just a jumble of men, fishnets and Lady Gaga. Also: orgies. What the fuck? I'm so tired. So tired. Fem studies reading can die in a fire! I don't know how I feel about anything and everything at the same time. Next weekend is going to be batshit insane. More insane than everything ever that I could imagine. I think. I also think it might be one of the best weekends ever. I'm really excited to see UAWS again. It's been too long since I rocked out with my cock out. :D Rocky cast party is going to be the fucking shit, but I don't think I'm going to get to take the person I want to... small sacrifice, though! It's not like I wouldn't do anything to make things cheel anyway. I'd do anything. Hah. Haha. Hahaha. I'm so fucking cracked out and insane right now. You can tell by the not organized train of thought, right reader-friend person thing? Good lord. Good lord, good lord. I'm just a jumble. A hot mess jumble and I have every right to be. But I'm also incredibly happy. And incredibly grateful for peach milkshakes. I fucking love peaches. Anyway, dude. Dude, anyway. There's going to be so much to talk about soon, my friendly friend bloggin' buddies. There's so much happening right now, but I can't post anything about it, yet. I'm really excited, though. And I think you guys will be, too.

I really love you all more than you think.

xoxo foreva,

meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee <3

A New Activity!

Darlene + Rocky Horror = win!

May 28th. Stevenson Event Center.

Give yourself over to absolute pleasure.

Seriously. It's gonna be hot!

And I'm in the pre-show, doing something to Lady Gaga's Telephone!

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

"Beatiful People" on Tumblr - Thoughts

Many a person on Tumblr spams my dashboard with many a photo of a "Beautiful person" and while I'd agree that the photos they post of people are quite nice, and quite attractive, for some reason, they bother me. They gnaw at my brain. They make me uncomfortable. And this morning, I finally figured out why.

These "beautiful people" are simply photos. That's it. Nothing about who they are, what they do, their interests, their talents, their dreams...

Is the girl pictured about beautiful because her hair's red? Because she's wearing thigh high socks? Because her face is very pretty and well made-up? Is she pretty because she's the idea of "different"? Why, of all the pictures of people, did you post this one? By posting this picture, what are you saying about yourself? Are you wishing you could look like her? Are you wishing you were different, like her? What are you trying to promote? What are you saying about her?

You know how to be different? Be yourself. Everyone is unique and special -- don't let idiotic conceptions of beauty destroy who you are. I'm blonde, with blue eyes, white as fuck, and I know I'm different. I look totally fuckin' normal, not special in any way, and yet, I'm beautiful. (Fuck yeah Lady Gaga, anyone? Born This Way premiered today! XD) Sure my face is scarred from the years of acne I've endured, but fuck man, does that really matter? I freak the fuck out about my face because I feel ugly, due to society that we live in. Scars aren't pretty, therefore I'm not pretty. Fucking bullshit. This world is God damned stupid. Haha. If the world saw more in people than the way they look, I'd of never felt awful about myself for the last... what, 7 years? I don't get a chance to show people who I am, because I'm so damn worried they won't even communicate with me because I'm simply too ugly. I don't have to wear weird clothes or dye my hair crazy colors to know I'm different, sure, I can understand the reasoning behind "Man, my hair looks fucking cool with a purple streak in it," but ugghhh... rage rage rage... I really, really, hate people's idea of beauty, and people who post on Tumblr just promote the shit out of the idea. Soooooo disturbing to me...

One can run around promoting how different they are, or they can just be different. 

One can run around promoting how much of a nice guy he is, or he can just be a nice guy.

Actions people, actions. They speak so much more.

How can someone be considered beautiful if they're just an image? Just a photo? What if the person in said picture is posing to make a few extra bucks to fund her crack addiction as her baby daddy struggles to feed the newborn she's too fucked up to take care of? Is she still beautiful? I'm sorry, but I beg to differ... looks aren't everything, people.

Also: photoshop. lol.

Furthermore, there's no stories behind these pictures. They're shallow. One-dimensional. And they promote a very crude and limited sense of beauty. Being beautiful is so much more than nice tits and an ass... ARRRGGGHHH

Now, when I get drunk, one of the most common things I utter is, "Look at all the beautiful people." And most people would say because I'm drunk, the phrase means a whole lot less. I once again, beg to differ. I feel like I'm most honest when my walls are down, and alcohol breaks 'em down real fast...

Anyway, I'ma point out somethin' real quick like:
I usually say "Look at all the beautiful people" around my closest friends, the ones I truly know are beautiful - while we're dancing, chillin' around a hookah, playin' Apples to Apples, having awesome drunk moments, or simply watching a Giants game. Then again, I believe that there's at least one thing about a person that makes them beautiful... so... euh. It's not uncommon for me to say something of the sort on say, a dance floor. Oh but I can explain that! Dancing is something that is very personal, even if it's just flailing... people can express themselves through dance, and that's why a bunch of dancing people is beautiful! They're expressing something of themselves to everyone else, and how can anyone scoff at that? How can that not be beautiful? Dance, especially drunk dancing, is a very raw form of human expression... a unique expression of one's self... Yeah! (I sometimes say "Look at all the beautiful people!" to make KendalKorn giggle, too, 'cause for some reason she's super amused by it... :]) 

Anyway! I didn't say it once this last party -- because I didn't freakin' know anyone there. (Also: not drunk? Dunno if I said it [in the context I'm writing of] at the party before this, but uh... yeah, here's a loop in my argument!) XD Party was weird as fuck, I got creeped on, and I got to spend maybe a fraction of my time there with my actual friends, because they were too busy freakin' the fuck out about the random ass people who showed up who ended up getting pretty sick... ugh... worries + booze = not happy.

I also have a "Beautiful Man Wall" here in my room, which I'd think most people would consider a flag for "Hey, you don't give a fuck about beauty!" Why do I think they're beautiful? I've watched every single person on my wall. Most are from movies, or Matt Bellamy... I've got an image of them, and their personalities in my mind. They're not just a body... not just an image of what I consider "attractive." While I'm kind of aware that Johnny Depp is kind of an asshole, the roles he plays (the Mad Hatter, Captain Jack) are what I associate his personality with, so y'know, it's a little off, but yeah... I think my point has been made...

Shit man I don't even know... I gotta go eat breakfast...

I'm just glad I figured out why these pictures bother me. They're attractive (these chicks are def hot, I'm not arguing against what they look like at all!), not beautiful. Beauty is so much more than a picture on Tumblr. Stupid materialistic world... stupid stupid stupid... rageragerage

I feel like I can write about Derrida now. Hello, thinking mood.

SO HUNGRRRRYYY XDD

Nicki Minaj

is fucking awful.

Just thought you should know, world.

Mooski #23 Hurricane - 30 Seconds to Mars

This video is fuckin' intense, yo.
Pretty boy is fuckin' intense, yo.

(NSFW)

Mooski #22 Smile - Uncle Kraker

I kind of hate this artist. My Mom used to play "Follow Me" on end. Forever. Hate that song with a passion. lol

This song, just... goes along with how I'm feeling right now.

I know. You know. Kitten prolly knows. Hah.

Mooski #21 Ghosts 'n Stuff - Deadmau5 ft. Rob Swire

Just a song everyone should know, 'cause it's awesome.

Mooski #20 Suteki da Ne - Nobou Uematsu

Final Fantasy X!

This is the English version. It's kind of wonky because Japanese doesn't translate so well into English 'n stuff, but the main part is what I'm lookin' at here... Suteki da Ne... being together, walking alone hand in hand... ♥

This goes along with "Feelings and Shit?"

Mooski #19 Want You Bad - The Offspring

The Offspring are awesome. This song is awesome.

That is all.


I remember you. When you first talked to me, you were listening to this song.

The Weekend of the Captain!

I've sure been doin' a lot of these recap thinggers lately... prolly 'cause I've got time on the weekends to blog blog blog 'til my daddy takes my computer away~ ♪♪

Man, that's silly. Duurrrrrr hurrrr hurrrr ...

So, wtf am I goin' to talk about today? I guess I should start with Friday, don't think anything huge and/or significant happened during the week.

Friday was cool: Rocky Horror. My friend Stephanie was Janet, and she was adorable. So awesome. I danced on stage with Ana and Cory, and it totally made my night! Besides, my legs looked awesome in those heels. Ohhh baby. :]

Ladies!

That night basically consisted of Cpt. Morgan, Rocky, order pizza, pass out. It was good, it was chill. No depressed Darlene, ftw.

THE NEXT DAY! Saturday!

I got up and dressed around noon. Left my place around 1:45. Went to a house on Ocean street for a house show. Stayed until like, 6 something. Silly Creature was awesome, as usual, Time Machine was... pretty good? And Zeyphr's band was a FUNK band and it impressed me quite a bit! So cool! Voto was also there for a while makin'... beats? Or something... dunno... with a pedal board. Neat neat neat!

After that, Pranov and I went to Taco Bell. We feasted. Crunchwraps, hooo!
Wes was also with us. Is it bad that I'm basically totally sketched out by him? Hah...
THEN we went to the Pacific Cookie Company to see Max (Pranov's friend) annnnnnnnnnd we got some cookies. I had a chocolate covered snickerdoodle.

Friends are good, right? I think so.

We went to the downtown house for a bit afterward. I think Pranov was in the bathroom or something, because Wes and I were chillin' in the front room by our lonesomes for a while. Sort of weird, but whatever. We decided to roll out to Church House early to try and avoid the storm getting any worse. Dunno if it was a good call or not... heh

We ended up at Church House at like 7:40. 'Bout 20 mins early, but there were people there already anyway. No biggie. We just attempted to dry off and hung out for a bit. Church House has stadium seating now and it's awesome!

Riley showed up next. The boys had some beer, they were content. A little wet, but content~ ♪♪

Then Cory, Freshman, Logan, and Tanner showed up. I was joined on the couch for a bit, but then people were like "HOMYGOD BEER PONG GOOOOOO!" Annnd I ended up warmin' the couch by myself for a while. Was nice. Relaxing. I was super tired from the like... 4 hours of music earlier, anyway.

I finally got up to go watch some pong. I was interested in their rules... comapin' 'em to our Rancho rules. We play hardcore pong in the 'Cho. Intense shit, y'know?

I feel like Rory would have been proud. Hah.

Anyway, during that, I heard there was more rum. Cpt. Morgan again. Mmmm. I had myself a shot. A tasty tasty shot... and then made myself some rum and coke. Def my favorite drink... :)

Downed that pretty quick, then had another shot. 'Twas my alcohol intake for the night... because the rum disappeared quickly...

Phrase of the night.

Oh then Voto showed up... and I was like heeeeeeeeey~!

I feel like I def drunk hit on him. A lot. S'ok. Liquid courage goooooooo!

But, at the end of the night, I managed to ask him if he'd like to spend some time together sometime, and he gave me a rather excited yes. Pretty sweet, dude!

BUT I got no number... lolfail... Tanner def got it... DERRRRP.

I also dunno if he was so excited 'cause he was drunk, too. Merp. Self-doubt, hooo!

So, the bands that played were pretty good. Six in one day. Was like a festival. In my backyard. SO COOL. (I ♥ SC!)

I can't remember the third band's name, but of course, our loves, Under a Western Sky played, and another new (?) band named In the Airplane played as well. Was a good show. Under a Western Sky created a mosh pit, as usual. Was a rather intense one. I was sitting off to the side (with Voto, btw, GLEEEEEEEEEE) and I got hit in the mouth, and then someone knocked my glasses off and one of the nose pieces def scratched my face a bit. Ooow. OH well. If I had actually been in that pit, I prolly would have died. Was fun watching my friends go, though!

Freshman said he got like, 4 concussions. I dunno man. I dunno.

Blaaargg. So the music ended around 11, and everyone was intoxicated enough already so we decided to roll back onto campus. Was prolly a good call.

The bus was stupid full when we got on, the bus driver was hella legit and let WAY more of us than he should have (by bus company type thing regulations)... it was awesome.

I didn't have anything to hold on to, so I kind of kept falling over. Sorry, Riley & Tanner. XD

When we went past the UCSC guard thing, all of us in the front ducked. It was so funny.

The bus also died twice. Succcccccccch an awesome bus ride! Yahooo! :]

Yep. Anyway. Made it back to Porter. Drank another shot (forgot about that one!), went to my room, hung out for a bit. Tanner ordered a shit load of pizza... blah blah blah watched some YouTube videos...

I think I almost cried again. Def almost went into depressed drunk Darlene mode again. Meh.

Whenever I feel bad, though, the guys always tell me, "it could be worse, you could have a dick."

I dunno how that's supposed to make me feel better. At all.

And I kept saying, "I hate my life" last night... I do, sort of. Lately I've been really, really down. Can't find a relationship... I miss them so much... don't have that special person to just bond with, don't have that person to just love me for who I am. It's so hard to live without that when I know how good it is, and when I lived with it for so long. ARRGGHH.

(There was a point in the night where I was looking at your name in my phone, considering things...)

I'm well aware that people are worse off than me. Shit dude, I always try my best to eat every once of food I take from the d-hall because I am so aware of things. I always try my best to appreciate things. I get pissed as fuck when people don't appreciate the things they have... I def say, "I hate my life" versus "My life is so terrible." I don't have to like my life, even if it's a rather okay one. Mother fuckin' Great Gatsby, anyone? Urg.

I don't know why I'm so particularly upset. Oh well~

This week is Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving break. I need it. Bad. Can't wait to see my family and friends in the 'Cho! I especially miss Cindy, my Mom, my broski-bro, and Matty. Always miss Matty. Oh and Chris and Brittainy, too! Always, I want to be with them! HAH!

Man, this post reeks of retarded-ness sometimes. Oh well.

Overall, was a pretty good weekend. Now I gotta read shit fo' class, and shower, and eat, and get on with my life!

There's tomorrow to worry about: gotta edit my paper, finish my readings, and... y'know... get ready to go home. :)

I'm gonna be rollin' out on Weds. Weds afternoon, headin' home on the 17.

I'm excited. Gonna make so many friendship bracelets.

Oh and dude, Freshman gave me an iPod (!!!) so I can listen to music on the way home! ♥

Such a good Freshman.

Such good musics.

Annnnnnnnnd in celebration of our liquor of choice!:

Mooski #18 Just the Way You Are - Bruno Mars

I dunno who this guy is. But this song was featured somewhere else... somewhere special... and I heard it in Marini's the other night. Kinda got to me. A lot of things have been getting to me lately. Questioning a lot of who I am, what I do, and stuff. Dunno. Sometimes I really feel like returning to the hermit that I was. It's still sort of hard for me digest how incredibly social I am now...

Oh well. Thank you, :).

Video is pretty cool... enjoy!



Really ironic how the girl in the video is freaking gorgeous. Stupid society. lol

Mooski #17 Eggs - Mayhem

This song... is a little weird... but I really like it.

It's also brought to you by my electronic music guru friend, Alec.

Mooski #16 Beauty in the Beast - Gavin Rossdale

Meh. No music video. Awesome song though. ♥

His more popular one is "Love Remains the Same," but this one kind of haunts me in a good way.

Cool shit.

Love...

so intense... good lord.

There's Greg. You guys know who he is.

& there's Nebraska. Some of you guys know who he is.

I can't talk about Nebraska. I can't think about him too much.

I still have his ring... man.

It's been so long, and I still choke up. Holy God. Still think about October 19th... January 15th... and of course April 29th...

I still remember turning away at the airport... the ride there... the music... everything...

My brain is so blown right now. I don't even know what to do...

Two weeks, frozen in our minds, for us to cherish forever...

But guys, don't talk to me about this one. 'Cause I've got Cameron to worry about and it'd take forever to explain. I've also got to read a book. The entire book.

(Look at me procrastinating like a pro!)

I just... wanted to post something.

I just... uuuuuuuugghh. :(

This week man, shit.

Giants need to win again tonight. It'll de-stress me again.
C'mon broski bros!

Mooski #15 Defying Gravity - Chris Colfer (Glee Cast)

I love this song. And I love Kurt's version.

Now I Feel Like Writing More

I just feel... so sad... so uncaring... it's such a weird thing for me.

There's like 5 or 6 of my good friends in my front room right now, and I'm sitting in here griping about life... ARGGHH

Not going to Fish Rap, either. Ug I'm a bad person. But I just feel so awful today...

So lonely.

Bleh. I can't think of more stuff to say. I'm just listening to soft music and it's making me relax a lot...

I really want a cuddle buddy. :(
...but I just can't...

I can't wait until next weekend. It'll be fun. :)

Not that this weekend wasn't, Friday was quite possibly one of the best parties ever, but yeah. Saturday I started feeling the way I do now. Hmmm.

Oh. World. I've really enjoyed watching the Giants games... they're in the World Series now so Riley is super smiley, which is nice, and it's just been cool to take part in something. I guess. Aha.

Bleeeeeeeh. I miss Cindy. I miss Brittainy. I miss Matty, and Chris... and my Nicolie. ♥

I'd miss Jacob too, if we weren't in the middle of pretending the other person doesn't exist. XD

Whatever bro...

Mooski #14 Yeah x3 - Chris Brown

Don't really care about the song a whole lot, but a person I know from high school is one of the main back-up dancers, and that's really cool. He's also the white kid doing the back flips. WTF.

Fuck yeah Kyle Cordova. Makin' Rancho not look like hell! :)



Oh and the kid like, "Look it's Chris Brown!" HELLA cracks me upp!

Lit Close Reading #2

Darlene McCoy
Madeline McDonald Lane
LIT1
21 October 2010

Song of the Solar Eclipse

    Religion has been present in human society for a countless number of years. It influences a multitude of different aspects of life - including music. In fact, the first music was written for purposes of worship. A particular song of this century that has struck a chord is "Stare at the Sun" by the alternative rock band, Thrice. The tune, written by Dustin Kensrue, Thrice's vocalist, and a devout Christian at the time, has a much deeper meaning that what meets the casual listener's eyes and mind. The unsuspecting listener must be aware of specific Biblical references and read the the lyrics metaphorically to attempt to understand this existential poem to its full extent.
    The first verse begins with the lyrics, "I sit here clutching useless lists / and keys for doors that don't exist." The word "clutching" has already begun to paint a picture in the listener's mind. To "clutch" is to grip or hold tightly or firmly, as one would do with pieces of papers he is frustrated with. "Useless" further emphasizes the lyricist's discontent with his "lists" because of the negative connotation associated with the word. These "lists" may very well be scriptures. "Keys for doors that don't exist" would be quite useless, indeed, and are another example of something the lyricist has attained, but is unable to use to quite frankly, open the door to understanding. The next line, "I crack my teeth on pearls," connects to a passage in the book of Matthew: "Give not what is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before the swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you." Only by knowing this passage does this line come into the light of full comprehension. The distraught lyricist is explaining that he is incapable of understanding the value of the "pearls" presented to him; he is human swine, and  he can do no more than the simple, pointless act of cracking his teeth on them. The line, "I tear into the history" adds another area where he has searched, and found nothing. The last line of the first verse, "just show me what it means to me in this world." is a plea for understanding.
    The lead line of the second verse is, "I see the parts but not the whole," or simply put, "I can understand some, but not all." It is followed by: "I study saints and scholars both / no perfect plan unfurls" - another example of the lyricist's search. He has studied both reason and religion, but nothing comes to him. "No perfect plan unfurls" because he is human; not divine, and only God is aware of the perfect plan - a point made numerous times in the Bible. He is only able to act according to his humanity. "Do I trust my heart or just my mind" is the lyricist's questioning of following either faith or reason, and then the next line, "Why is truth so hard to find in this world," rounds the second verse out in a neat package of frustration.
    In the third verse, the lyricist gives additional examples of actions he has taken in attempt to understand: "I know that there's a point I've missed / a shrine or stone I haven't kissed / a scar that never graced my wrist / a mirror that hasn't met my fist." He has either missed some point of reason, not been faithful enough, not felt enough pain, or not expressed enough frustration. He cannot find the reason for his inability to understand. He knows that somewhere in the world, there is more.
    "'Cause I am due for a miracle," is the first line of the chorus. The lyricist is begging to understand, and because he is human, he is aware that the only way for him to attain that understanding is through a miracle. Christians are taught that God will come to them in the form of some sort of sign, and "I'm waiting for a sign" conveys that he has waited for his sign, and it has not yet come. He is still searching. The rest of the chorus, "I'll stare straight into the sun / And I won't close my eyes / 'Till I understand or go blind" is the whole point of the song. It is the matrix. Psalms 84:11 reads: "For the Lord God is a sun and shield: the Lord will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from the that walk uprightly." With this knowledge, the sun mentioned in "I'll stare straight into the sun" becomes more than the giant hydrogen-burning star in the sky. The sun is God. The lyricist will follow God, and will continue to follow him - even through the pain induced by staring at the sun - as denoted by the line, "And I won't close my eyes." He will follow until he finally understands or loses the capability to search for understanding - "'Till I understand or go blind." He will do so because he has faith that God will give grace and glory to those who walk uprightly.
    "Stare at the Sun" was written for far more than simple entertainment or the dollars earned through record sales. Thrice has stated that, "We've always tried to do a little more than just make music." The band donates a portion of the proceeds from record sales to a charity of their choice. To believe and have faith in a being that is intangible is a burden on the mind. Dustin Kensrue, the lyricist, wrote this piece to aid those who may be questioning their faith. He is sympathizing with them: he understands that keeping faith can be frustrating. The human condition can be frustrating. Not having the ability to understand can be frustrating. He wrote the lyrics to connect with his listeners, to let them know he understands that frustration, and even the pain they may be experiencing. He has experienced this questioning of faith - and come to a conclusion. They must keep believing. They must stare at the sun; because those who stare all their lives will be rewarded. This much deeper and more meaningful message could not be derived to its full extent without knowing the reference to Matthew in the first verse, the idea that God is perfect, and that the sun is a metaphor for God. Without these integrated aspects, "Stare at the Sun" would be a simple song expressing frustration with being human.

Stare at the Sun

I sit here clutching useless lists
and keys for doors that don't exist
I crack my teeth on pearls
I tear into the history
just show me what it means to me in this world

'cause I am due for a miracle
I'm waiting for a sign
I'll stare straight into the sun
and I won't close my eyes
'til I understand or go blind

I see the parts but not the whole
I study saints and scholars both
no perfect plan unfurls
do I trust my heart or just my mind
why is truth so hard to find in this world
yeah in this world

'cause I am due for a miracle
I'm waiting for a sign
I'll stare straight into the sun
and I won't close my eyes
'til I understand or go blind

I know that there's a point I've missed
a shrine or stone I haven't kissed
a scar that never graced my wrist
a mirror that hasn't met my fist
but I can't help feeling like I'm

due for a miracle
I'm waiting for a sign
I'll stare straight into the sun
and I won't close my eyes

Mooski #13 You Belong With Me -Taylor Swift

I've got such a soft spot for this girl. Really.
Also: video is hella cute. XD