Tumbler - On the Edge of Internet Glory
A vast universe of pictures, text, quotes, links, conversations, audio and video clips exists on a website known to many as "Tumblr." (I am correcting the site's spelling error for the sake of grammer.) Everything displayed on a computer screen is composed of pixels, and Tumbler is no exception. Though it does share this key characteristic of being pixelated with every other website ever, Tumbler is a new, unique way for people of all ages to express themselves through the microblogging world. According to David Karp, Tumber's founder (and high school dropout, thus the mispelling), in 2009 there were about 2 million unique bloggers on Tumbler, and 10,000 new people signed up for the website each day. Of those 10,000, 85% remained active. By those statistics, Tumbler should amass 3,102,500 new bloggers in one year. In approximantley 2,183 years, every person on the planet should have a Tumbler, providing the global population does not fluctuate in any way anytime soon.
A microblog is a form of a blog. It differs from a traditional blog in that its content is framed in an area that is 600 pixels wide. The small space demands its own suffix! Thus, in most instances microblogging is much akin to what a person can simply do on Facebook. Why the craze then? Why will Tumbler encompass the world's population in 4194 AD?
Tumbler has a few key features that give it it's great appeal. First, and foremost, nude and pornographic images are a-okay on Tumbler. On Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg will get disown you from his website for posting nudes or other images deemed as containing "inappropriate content." Tumbler also has two other features that Facebook simply cannot compete with: a blogger can post an entire conversation bet between two people on Tumbler, or an audio sample that looks nice and is embedded into the page. One simply cannot do that on Facebook. The act would require far too much effort on the user's part. Tumbler is much easier to operate.
Another appeal to Tumbler seems to be the commuinities built upon a function of the site known as "Reblogging." A blogger can "reblog" a post that another user posted, denoting that the user that reblogged the post finds it unappealing in some way, and wishes it to return from the idiot user it came from. The user from which the post originated is notified that someone else has reblogged their blog's content. They then have the opportunity to check out that person's blog, and reblog whatever fetid images they find. The cycle continues. Because of this function, people across the world can share their varied hatred for many different kinds of things and ideas. Furries, distressed fifteen year olds, horny bros, and college freshman who believe their long-distance relationship is forever can connect and share their hatred through the internet in this new, fantastic, way!
While we here at TMP do not understand the world's fascination with hatred, we endorse free speech and think that Tumbler is a great way to massively communicate what needs to be removed from today's society.
Gatemaster, an internet regular, said in regards to Tumbler: "It's like 4chan, except without all the kiddie porn! I love Tumbler!" He, and many other students at UCSC have started to experience the Tumbler craze. It will not be long before the entire world catches on, too!
Showing posts with label Fish Rap. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fish Rap. Show all posts
Friday, May 13, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Rough FRL! Article
Needs work. Still depressed. ~.~
Tumbler - On the Edge of Internet Glory (Rough Draft)
A vast universe of pictures, text, quotes, links, conversations, audio and video clips exists on a website known to many as "Tumblr." (I am correcting the site's spelling error for the sake of grammer.) Everything displayed on a computer screen is composed of pixels, and Tumbler is no exception. Though it does share this key characteristic of being pixelated with every other website ever, Tumbler is a new, unique way for people of all ages to express themselves through the microblogging world. According to David Karp, Tumber's founder (and high school dropout, thus the misspelling), in 2009 there were about 2 million unique bloggers on Tumbler, and 10,000 new people signed up for the website each day. Of those 10,000, 85% remained active. By those statistics, Tumbler should amass 3,102,500 new bloggers in one year. In approximately 2,183 years, every person on the planet should have a Tumbler, providing the global population does not fluctuate in any way anytime soon.
A microblog is a form of a blog. It differs from a traditional blog in that its content is typically much smaller, in both actual size and aggregate file size. A microblog entry could consist of nothing but a short sentence fragment, or an image or embedded video. Thus, in most instances microblogging is much akin to what a person can simply do on Facebook. Why the craze then? Why will Tumbler encompass the world's population in 4194 AD?
Tumbler has a few key features that give it it's great appeal. First, and foremost, nude and pornographic images are a-okay on Tumbler. On Facebook, 'ole Mark Zuckerberg will get yo' ass for posting nudes or other images deemed as containing "inappropriate content." Tumbler also has two other features that Facebook simply cannot compete with: a blogger can post an entire conversation between two people on Tumbler, or an audio sample that looks nice and is embedded into the page. One simply cannot do that on Facebook. The act would require far too much effort on the user's part.
Another appeal to Tumbler seems to be the communities built upon a function of the site known as "Reblogging." A blogger can "reblog" a post that another user posted, and it will appear on the blogger's "Tumblog." The user from which the post originated is notified that someone else has reblogged their blog's content. They then have the opportunity to check out that person's blog. They then can reblog any content they may like, and the cycle continues. Because of this function, people across the world can share their varied interests. Furries, distressed fifteen year olds, horny bros, and college freshman who believe their long-distance relationship is forever can connect through the internet in this new, fantastic, way!
Gatemaster, an internet regular, said in regards to Tumbler: "It's like 4chan, except without all the kiddie porn! I love Tumbler!" He, and many other students at UCSC have started to experience the Tumbler craze. It will not be long before the entire world catches on, too!
Tumbler - On the Edge of Internet Glory (Rough Draft)
A vast universe of pictures, text, quotes, links, conversations, audio and video clips exists on a website known to many as "Tumblr." (I am correcting the site's spelling error for the sake of grammer.) Everything displayed on a computer screen is composed of pixels, and Tumbler is no exception. Though it does share this key characteristic of being pixelated with every other website ever, Tumbler is a new, unique way for people of all ages to express themselves through the microblogging world. According to David Karp, Tumber's founder (and high school dropout, thus the misspelling), in 2009 there were about 2 million unique bloggers on Tumbler, and 10,000 new people signed up for the website each day. Of those 10,000, 85% remained active. By those statistics, Tumbler should amass 3,102,500 new bloggers in one year. In approximately 2,183 years, every person on the planet should have a Tumbler, providing the global population does not fluctuate in any way anytime soon.
A microblog is a form of a blog. It differs from a traditional blog in that its content is typically much smaller, in both actual size and aggregate file size. A microblog entry could consist of nothing but a short sentence fragment, or an image or embedded video. Thus, in most instances microblogging is much akin to what a person can simply do on Facebook. Why the craze then? Why will Tumbler encompass the world's population in 4194 AD?
Tumbler has a few key features that give it it's great appeal. First, and foremost, nude and pornographic images are a-okay on Tumbler. On Facebook, 'ole Mark Zuckerberg will get yo' ass for posting nudes or other images deemed as containing "inappropriate content." Tumbler also has two other features that Facebook simply cannot compete with: a blogger can post an entire conversation between two people on Tumbler, or an audio sample that looks nice and is embedded into the page. One simply cannot do that on Facebook. The act would require far too much effort on the user's part.
Another appeal to Tumbler seems to be the communities built upon a function of the site known as "Reblogging." A blogger can "reblog" a post that another user posted, and it will appear on the blogger's "Tumblog." The user from which the post originated is notified that someone else has reblogged their blog's content. They then have the opportunity to check out that person's blog. They then can reblog any content they may like, and the cycle continues. Because of this function, people across the world can share their varied interests. Furries, distressed fifteen year olds, horny bros, and college freshman who believe their long-distance relationship is forever can connect through the internet in this new, fantastic, way!
Gatemaster, an internet regular, said in regards to Tumbler: "It's like 4chan, except without all the kiddie porn! I love Tumbler!" He, and many other students at UCSC have started to experience the Tumbler craze. It will not be long before the entire world catches on, too!
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
FRL! Article
Darlene McCoy
The Fish Rap Live!
12 April 2011
Recent Theft at Porter College Due to “Rollin’ Raccoons”
The Porter Housing Office issued a statement to all residents of the Porter apartments due to the rise of theft at the college earlier this week.
Top-secret investigators have thus began researching who what when where why and how personal belongings have gone missing.
Their current conclusion is that raccoons have been sneaking into apartments and taking belongings back to their homes in the woods.
When asked why local raccoons would want anything to do with a bunch of backpacks and Altoid bins, Super-secret investigator #1 replied, “I’m not quite positive yet, but I think it may have something to do with the content of the belongings. We’ve found numerous drugs, including ecstasy, in recovered belongings. Additionally, the raccoon population has exploded in the last year! We couldn’t figure out why… but now!” He paused, contemplating his next statement.
“We think the raccoons have been taking ecstasy, mating like mad, and are now sneaking into apartments to find more. That’s what’s happening at Porter College.”
Super-secret investigator #1 has worked at Porter College for over fifteen years and investigated more than 100 mysterious happenings, but he has never, in all his time, seen such ravenous raccoons. He believes that they are the true culprits, but will continue to investigate the matter to the best of his ability.
FRL! Article?
Darlene McCoy
The Fish Rap Live!
12 April 2011
Outstanding Opiates
Once upon a time, in a land far far away, I was a freshman. I understand that it’s hard to be a freshman. I understand that it’s hard to be a pitiful, mongering, creature that might only be considered to be of the same species as normal human beings. You’re longing for something, for some change, to alter your life and thought drastically so you can actually feel like you’re in college. Well my dears, my loves, my poor specimens, there’s a cure. You can’t find it at the health center, nor can a psychologist give you enough therapy to merley emulate the effects of this cure. There is only one thing, available at only certain types of places, sold by only certain types of people, that can cure you, darlings. You need drugs. And you need a lot of them.
Now, I’m aware that you might be all “straight-edge” and shit, but I was, too. I understood the whole, “drugs are bad and if you take them you’re going to die,” thing. But – if you’re of this mindset, oh dear poor freshman, you are in dire need of aid. In dire need of the cure. I know, back in that foreign time, I was. I was far too stubborn to think about doing anything I considered “out of the ordinary.” Then, on one Friday night, two weeks into my first quarter of college, one silly incident changed everything.
It was sometime around midnight in the dorms. My roommates were out, and I was bored. Lonely, even, too. I’d been up since six, and figured that sleep might be a good idea. (I’ve learned better than to think that, now.) I began to snuggle up with my bed, with the comfortless generic dorm sheets, when I heard someone say my name in the hallway. Confused, and surprised that anyone even knew my name, I rolled out of bed and opened my door to investigate.
I found three guys outside my door. They looked friendly enough, and apparently they were friendly, for they asked me to come back to their room with them. I accepted their offer without hesitation – the prospect of friendship to a lonely freshman renders all common sense from the brain.
In their room, they began drinking and smoking and whatnot. It terrified me at first: what if I got in trouble, for something I wasn’t even doing, for something I was so against doing? How would my mother react? Would I be kicked out of school if I was caught? Furthermore, I’d never been around weed before, and that shit smelt awful. So, after careful deliberation (more, fuck this shit) I decided that returning to my room was in my best interest.
One of the guys followed me out of his room, and back to mine. I didn’t think anything of letting him into my room; though I’m sure now he was crossfaded as all hell and that I should’ve been thinking. Freshman brains, man, they really don’t work so well sometimes. This boy went to the center of my room and started playing some God-awful club mix crap on his phone. He then began dancing in a way that I would only describe now as, “like a drunk bitch.” And for some damn stupid reason, I decided to join him instead of kickin’ his ass out and going to bed.
He grew tired and sat on my bed. I followed, not thinking that a drunk boy inviting you to bed might be a bad idea. My brain, oh my brain at the time, it did not work. I had not found the cure for my freshman ways. I had no idea a cure even existed.
Anyway, this asshole tried to get all up on me. He told me, “You’re the third hottest girl in Porter,” hoping that I’d take it as a compliment. I did (it meant I was pretty, right?). So this guy, noticing my nonsensical smiles at his fantastic playa skills, tried to kiss me. His face was far too close to mine before I pulled back. The boy’s lips reeked of tequila. Gross gross gross.
By that time, I was incredibly annoyed and too damn tired to think sensibly. I climbed onto my bed (which are significantly above the floor in the Porter dorms) and laid down. I hadn’t mustered enough courage to ask him to leave yet, so he laid down right next to me. He hugged me, and then like, started flipping me back and forth over his body. He found it amusing. I found it terrifying. The rage began to boil up inside of me, and I started yelling at him to stop, because I was sure someone was going to get hurt.
I was correct in my assumption.
This guy, in his drunken glory, threw me off the side of my bed enough to throw me off balance and allow my weight to pull me to the floor. The dumb shit came tumbling down off my bed right after me. I feel on my hand. He fell on me. We got up, and by that time my rage had finally boiled over – that motherfucker was going to leave, and leave at that very moment.
Angry injured girls are quite frightening creatures. He left. Quickly.
I woke up the next morning and became aware of my hand – and how it was twice it’s normal size. Since the health center on campus is closed on the weekends, I ended up icing my hand on and off for the entire day. I finally decided to call a RA, because my hand wasn’t feeling any better. The RA ended up calling a CSO, and I ended up in an ambulance on my way to Dominican Hospital.
In the next few days, I learned that I had “broke the shit out of my hand,” (direct quote from my doctor, by the way!) and that I’d need surgery to realign the bones. They had to put metal pins in my hand, so, after the operation, they gave me hella drugs. Opiates, to be specific.
After spending some time in a hotel that my mother was staying at during the ordeal, I returned to the dorms. I was all hopped up on those opiates – and the thing was, I had never been on any kind of “happy-pill” before. Everything was so wonderful, so cool, and I found myself wandering aimlessly around the halls. Well, I say wandering aimlessly now, but at the time I feel the more appropriate term might have been, “floating.”
With time, I found myself in the 5th floor lounge. There were a few people in there, fumbling with laptops. They looked friendly enough – and hey! I was looking for friends again. Now, naturally, I’m quite the shy individual, and approaching a group of strangers, or a single person, for that matter, is not of my normal character. But because I was all super-happy and didn’t feel insecure, I began talking. Blabbering. Going on about whatever came to mind. I guess it was amusing, and I found that I had enjoyed myself, too.
I returned to the 5th floor lounge, time and time again during the two weeks that I was on those amazing amazing opiates. I just talked. Talked forever. About nothing. By the time I had stopped taking the opiates, I had made friends. It was fantastic! Amazing! Magnificent and phenomenal.
Because a large cast calls for inquisition, I ended up telling many a person how exactly, my hand had been broken. With each retelling, I realized more and more how damn dull I was that night. Those observations became my rite of passage back into the human species, and in the end, all I could think was, “This was all due to me wandering around on opiates?!”
Opiates were my cure. The floating feelings caused by the drug helped me look at my life in a different mindset, to asses how I’d been living, and the decisions I’d made in my life thusfar. The conclusions I drew from my experience helped me grow away from the closed-minded, naïve, little freshman that I was, once upon a time, in that land far far away.
I’d like to state here that after: I smoked hella fuckin’ weed.
Happy 4/20, everybody!
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
FRL! Self-Eval
Darlene McCoy
AMST 199F – The Fish Rap Live!
8 March 2011
FRL! Self Evaluation
So! During this quarter of Fish Rap, I did less things for the paper than I wanted to. I would have really liked to contribute more, but around the time or our Sex & Gender Special Edition, I got ridiculously busy, and didn’t have enough time to produce a full article of quality work. I knew my time wouldn’t be so constrained after late February, so I decided that I could help contribute more to the paper in the next issue. Sadly, the next issue didn’t happen, so neither did my contributions to it.
The first thing I wrote for Fish Rap this quarter was the article “Puke Like a Pro.” I really enjoyed writing this one – it’s sort of a compilation of the adventures of my friends and I (especially me…) with vomit. It was the only thing that ran this quarter, but I don’t have a copy of it in the paper because I’ve only got one issue with it left and that’s for my Mom!
At production for the first issue we put out this quarter I got to make fun of Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way” lyrics, but the work didn’t run. I don’t exactly have a copy of the work I did for it, save a bunch of scribbles in my notebook, because I did it at production and turned it in there.
For the next issue, I wrote two very short pieces on dog sex toys. I more or less liked how they came out, but honestly, I’m not even sure what I should say about them. The idea of sex toys for dogs is weird. The articles didn’t run. I also did not attend production at all. I was super busy that weekend, and I thought I was going to be able to contribute more later in the quarter.
For the last issue of the quarter, my friend and I were working on what we called “Pokemon Blow Jobs.” It was more or less a evaluation of the original 150 Pokemon in the field of blow jobs. We had three categories: best, worst, and honorable mention. I’ve got the notes, which I was going to present to someone as a rough draft at our meeting last week, but since we didn’t do that… another weird as hell idea can be laid to rest.
Basically, I’m really proud of my puke article, and wish I could’ve done more this quarter. If I were to give myself a grade, I’d probably give myself a B-. I went to every meeting (I think), but missed a production. I contributed to one issue, but kind of fell shy of really contributing to the second. The poor third issue didn’t exist!
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
From Blank to Blank
Dear people who make Glee:
What the FUCK? I mean seriously guys, what the flying fuck happened to this show? I legit enjoyed it for the first season, but ya'll covered KE$HA. Fucking Ke$ha. Really? And before that, Justin Bieber? I mean, ya'll poked some good fun at him, which I appreciated, 'cause I don't even have the slightest idea as to why a 16 year old Canadian girl is taking over the world, but what the hell? You promoted the "Biebs." Last season, ya'll covered Wicked. Defying Gravity, motherfuckers. Songs with lyrics that make sense. Songs that are ACTUALLY MUSIC. I just don't understand... Glee, what happened? Where did your plot go? Where did the rockin' as fuck adorable redhead counselor run off to? And what about John Fucking Stamos, man? He's so cool.
Grrrr... rant more later... publish in Fish Rap... consider writing actual letter...
What the FUCK? I mean seriously guys, what the flying fuck happened to this show? I legit enjoyed it for the first season, but ya'll covered KE$HA. Fucking Ke$ha. Really? And before that, Justin Bieber? I mean, ya'll poked some good fun at him, which I appreciated, 'cause I don't even have the slightest idea as to why a 16 year old Canadian girl is taking over the world, but what the hell? You promoted the "Biebs." Last season, ya'll covered Wicked. Defying Gravity, motherfuckers. Songs with lyrics that make sense. Songs that are ACTUALLY MUSIC. I just don't understand... Glee, what happened? Where did your plot go? Where did the rockin' as fuck adorable redhead counselor run off to? And what about John Fucking Stamos, man? He's so cool.
Grrrr... rant more later... publish in Fish Rap... consider writing actual letter...
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
FRL! Article Sex & Gender Special Edition 2011
Doggie Toys - Rough Drafts
FRL! Rough Drafts - Darlene McCoy
Single's Side
Furever Alone
Distraught, deranged, or downright depressed by your single status this Valentine's Day? Drowning yourself in your favorite carton of Ben & Jerry's ice cream? Retreating into your bedroom to give yourself the only pleasure available? Enjoying what you can of your sad splendor? Your pup is probably watchin' - watchin' with those big ole' brown eyes of his, thinkin' to himself, "Me too man, me too." He's yearnin' for the lovin' that you give yourself. He's yearnin' for the feeling of release. Dear reader: did it ever cross your mind that your puppy has never experienced Valentine's Day? Ever? He's never experienced the joy that you're missing so sorely. He's never been with that "special someone." He can't even wank what's left of his mutilated weasel. You've done all you can for yourself, now do something for him. Get him a doggie lover doll. He'll be able to release all of his tensions. You guys can even get down to business together! Together, on Valentine's Day. In rhythm, in time, maybe even at the same time, if ya know what I mean. Share the pain of singleness with your pup, doodle yo' noodle with that dog -- you'll be even closer than ever before! Man's best friend, indeed.
Couple's Side
Please Yo' Pooch
Enjoying making plans with your significant other for the big V-Day this weekend? Thinkin' about the wonderful, romantic, kinky or just fuckin' nasty shit ya'll are gonna do? Well, dear asshole with a significant other: your pup is missing out on the fun. He's all alone. All he can do is lick his genitalia. How would you feel, lickin' you balls on Valentine's Day? First you remove him from his manhood, and then you enclose him in a space where all the good puppy-lovin' 'round the hood is just out of paw's reach? What the hell kind of person are you? Do your poor helpless pooch a favor this holiday -- buy him a friend. A silicone friend, with a silicone puppy-vag. (It's even easy to clean!) Your legs, and significant other will thank you for it.
Before:
After:
FRL! Rough Drafts - Darlene McCoy
Single's Side
Furever Alone
Distraught, deranged, or downright depressed by your single status this Valentine's Day? Drowning yourself in your favorite carton of Ben & Jerry's ice cream? Retreating into your bedroom to give yourself the only pleasure available? Enjoying what you can of your sad splendor? Your pup is probably watchin' - watchin' with those big ole' brown eyes of his, thinkin' to himself, "Me too man, me too." He's yearnin' for the lovin' that you give yourself. He's yearnin' for the feeling of release. Dear reader: did it ever cross your mind that your puppy has never experienced Valentine's Day? Ever? He's never experienced the joy that you're missing so sorely. He's never been with that "special someone." He can't even wank what's left of his mutilated weasel. You've done all you can for yourself, now do something for him. Get him a doggie lover doll. He'll be able to release all of his tensions. You guys can even get down to business together! Together, on Valentine's Day. In rhythm, in time, maybe even at the same time, if ya know what I mean. Share the pain of singleness with your pup, doodle yo' noodle with that dog -- you'll be even closer than ever before! Man's best friend, indeed.
Couple's Side
Please Yo' Pooch
Enjoying making plans with your significant other for the big V-Day this weekend? Thinkin' about the wonderful, romantic, kinky or just fuckin' nasty shit ya'll are gonna do? Well, dear asshole with a significant other: your pup is missing out on the fun. He's all alone. All he can do is lick his genitalia. How would you feel, lickin' you balls on Valentine's Day? First you remove him from his manhood, and then you enclose him in a space where all the good puppy-lovin' 'round the hood is just out of paw's reach? What the hell kind of person are you? Do your poor helpless pooch a favor this holiday -- buy him a friend. A silicone friend, with a silicone puppy-vag. (It's even easy to clean!) Your legs, and significant other will thank you for it.
Before:
After:
Friday, January 28, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
FRL! Article
Pukin' Like a Pro - Darlene McCoy
Dear Freshmen:
Now that you've survived a quarter at UCSC, you've probably realized that parties happen, so puke happens - a lot. In light of these facts, the FRL! has put together a small guide on how to Puke Like a Pro.
Pre-Game: Eat Gogurt. All kinds, all colors. The brighter the colors, the better. Also try some rice -- with this small addition, you can create a trail of slime covered fruity pebbles. If you don't have any Gogurt on hand, the dining halls always provide something of an odd color or texture, too. (I'm looking at you, avocado-flavored soft serve.) Eat as much of whatever you can possibly fit into your mouth. The noms, they shall be so intense.
Once drunk off your ass: Start vomiting spontaneously. Don't stop. If your chunks are projectile, the deeper angle you get, the better. It creates more of a fantastic spectacle, especially if you ate the colored yogurt, you're a vomit rainbow! Beautiful. Continue to erupt: evolve into a vomit volcano, let your regugitated rainbow mush rain fire on the awaiting Pompeii. Toss yo' cookies, toss 'em over everything, everywhere. Take special interest in the furniture, especially, because the smell will seep into the fabric, causing its owners to remember you and your vomit time and time again. They'll never forget you. If you're feeling creative, spewing a smiley face, heart, or any shape of your choice on the window might be a nice touch. By this time, all eyes will be on you. Don't let them make you nervous. You are a champion, a performer, and this is your show. They are staring because they are mesmerized by your skill. Bonus points if you manage to puke on one of them. Friends love to be vomited upon -- the two of you will be even closer in the morning. They might even start vomiting. If they do, make sure to grab them and position them so you're back to back. Tilt your head a bit to get that deep angle that allows vomit to be so round. First you were a vomit rainbow, and now, with the addition of your friend, you're a heart of hurl! It's been said, by a very wise old man, known only as Mr. Daniels, that friends who puke together, stay together. So, after choosing your best friend for life and the rest of ever, fall down, to all fours, and flip your hair whilst continuing to vomit. Crawl, leaving a trail behind you, toward the restroom. When you arrive, give the toilet a hug. Toilets are lonely, they need love too! Then puke on it. On the toilet, not in it, mind you. Someone might be lucky enough to discover your present later! How sweet! If you are still feeling nervous, or a hint of stage fright is creepin' on your soul, now is a good time to talk to the toilet -- it is the only one that understands how you're feeling. Let all your stress go, cry into its arms if you need to, a toilet is always there. After recovering -- if needed, that is, you might just be the best damned puker on the planet - wipe any excess off your face. Good job and well done, you mighty pukester, you!
Exiting Stage Left (or Right): after finishing up, bring yourself to your feet, and prepare for the grand finale! Sprint, as fast as humanly possible, (which should be quite fast at this point) toward the exit. If you're an advanced drunkard: falling, tripping, and running into walls is recommended for additional artistic effect. Once at the door, swing it open with all your might. Expel yourself through it, vomit yourself through that door, because tonight, you have achieved victory. Continue on your path to the bus stop (drunk driving is bad, you asshole!), leaving sparatic trail of regurgitate along the way. Don't make them even -- you don't want any CSOs on your ass -- or thinking that all that vomit came from one motherfuckin' pukin' champion. Once the bus arrives, make your way to the back, where the row of five seats are, and bring up a small mountain upon the center one. Proceed to not give a fuck, and sit upon your throne. Gaze upon your subjects; note their mystified faces. Finally get to wherever the hell you live, stumble indoors, and take your pants off. (You just sat in vomit for a bus ride, remember? No? Good.) Then, dear champion, you deserve some rest. Pull yourself into bed, close your eyes, and drift off into a world of your own. You have done well, young padawan.
Dear Freshmen:
Now that you've survived a quarter at UCSC, you've probably realized that parties happen, so puke happens - a lot. In light of these facts, the FRL! has put together a small guide on how to Puke Like a Pro.
Pre-Game: Eat Gogurt. All kinds, all colors. The brighter the colors, the better. Also try some rice -- with this small addition, you can create a trail of slime covered fruity pebbles. If you don't have any Gogurt on hand, the dining halls always provide something of an odd color or texture, too. (I'm looking at you, avocado-flavored soft serve.) Eat as much of whatever you can possibly fit into your mouth. The noms, they shall be so intense.
Once drunk off your ass: Start vomiting spontaneously. Don't stop. If your chunks are projectile, the deeper angle you get, the better. It creates more of a fantastic spectacle, especially if you ate the colored yogurt, you're a vomit rainbow! Beautiful. Continue to erupt: evolve into a vomit volcano, let your regugitated rainbow mush rain fire on the awaiting Pompeii. Toss yo' cookies, toss 'em over everything, everywhere. Take special interest in the furniture, especially, because the smell will seep into the fabric, causing its owners to remember you and your vomit time and time again. They'll never forget you. If you're feeling creative, spewing a smiley face, heart, or any shape of your choice on the window might be a nice touch. By this time, all eyes will be on you. Don't let them make you nervous. You are a champion, a performer, and this is your show. They are staring because they are mesmerized by your skill. Bonus points if you manage to puke on one of them. Friends love to be vomited upon -- the two of you will be even closer in the morning. They might even start vomiting. If they do, make sure to grab them and position them so you're back to back. Tilt your head a bit to get that deep angle that allows vomit to be so round. First you were a vomit rainbow, and now, with the addition of your friend, you're a heart of hurl! It's been said, by a very wise old man, known only as Mr. Daniels, that friends who puke together, stay together. So, after choosing your best friend for life and the rest of ever, fall down, to all fours, and flip your hair whilst continuing to vomit. Crawl, leaving a trail behind you, toward the restroom. When you arrive, give the toilet a hug. Toilets are lonely, they need love too! Then puke on it. On the toilet, not in it, mind you. Someone might be lucky enough to discover your present later! How sweet! If you are still feeling nervous, or a hint of stage fright is creepin' on your soul, now is a good time to talk to the toilet -- it is the only one that understands how you're feeling. Let all your stress go, cry into its arms if you need to, a toilet is always there. After recovering -- if needed, that is, you might just be the best damned puker on the planet - wipe any excess off your face. Good job and well done, you mighty pukester, you!
Exiting Stage Left (or Right): after finishing up, bring yourself to your feet, and prepare for the grand finale! Sprint, as fast as humanly possible, (which should be quite fast at this point) toward the exit. If you're an advanced drunkard: falling, tripping, and running into walls is recommended for additional artistic effect. Once at the door, swing it open with all your might. Expel yourself through it, vomit yourself through that door, because tonight, you have achieved victory. Continue on your path to the bus stop (drunk driving is bad, you asshole!), leaving sparatic trail of regurgitate along the way. Don't make them even -- you don't want any CSOs on your ass -- or thinking that all that vomit came from one motherfuckin' pukin' champion. Once the bus arrives, make your way to the back, where the row of five seats are, and bring up a small mountain upon the center one. Proceed to not give a fuck, and sit upon your throne. Gaze upon your subjects; note their mystified faces. Finally get to wherever the hell you live, stumble indoors, and take your pants off. (You just sat in vomit for a bus ride, remember? No? Good.) Then, dear champion, you deserve some rest. Pull yourself into bed, close your eyes, and drift off into a world of your own. You have done well, young padawan.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
FRL! Ideas :D
(So I don't forget them!)
PS: I'm playing FF Tactics Advance. Blog posts will be rare until I get bored of it.
- Cracked-Out Crows
- Narcoleptic Person with a Chronic Masturbating Problem
PS: I'm playing FF Tactics Advance. Blog posts will be rare until I get bored of it.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
FRL! Shenanegins
I made this today:
I also drew ice-cream cone things that are happy to go to FroYo! They're super cute.
Excitement.
I didn't write my article for FRL! It can wait for another time, I guess.
I also drew ice-cream cone things that are happy to go to FroYo! They're super cute.
Excitement.
I didn't write my article for FRL! It can wait for another time, I guess.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Now I Feel Like Writing More
I just feel... so sad... so uncaring... it's such a weird thing for me.
There's like 5 or 6 of my good friends in my front room right now, and I'm sitting in here griping about life... ARGGHH
Not going to Fish Rap, either. Ug I'm a bad person. But I just feel so awful today...
So lonely.
Bleh. I can't think of more stuff to say. I'm just listening to soft music and it's making me relax a lot...
I really want a cuddle buddy. :(
...but I just can't...
I can't wait until next weekend. It'll be fun. :)
Not that this weekend wasn't, Friday was quite possibly one of the best parties ever, but yeah. Saturday I started feeling the way I do now. Hmmm.
Oh. World. I've really enjoyed watching the Giants games... they're in the World Series now so Riley is super smiley, which is nice, and it's just been cool to take part in something. I guess. Aha.
Bleeeeeeeh. I miss Cindy. I miss Brittainy. I miss Matty, and Chris... and my Nicolie. ♥
I'd miss Jacob too, if we weren't in the middle of pretending the other person doesn't exist. XD
Whatever bro...
There's like 5 or 6 of my good friends in my front room right now, and I'm sitting in here griping about life... ARGGHH
Not going to Fish Rap, either. Ug I'm a bad person. But I just feel so awful today...
So lonely.
Bleh. I can't think of more stuff to say. I'm just listening to soft music and it's making me relax a lot...
I really want a cuddle buddy. :(
...but I just can't...
I can't wait until next weekend. It'll be fun. :)
Not that this weekend wasn't, Friday was quite possibly one of the best parties ever, but yeah. Saturday I started feeling the way I do now. Hmmm.
Oh. World. I've really enjoyed watching the Giants games... they're in the World Series now so Riley is super smiley, which is nice, and it's just been cool to take part in something. I guess. Aha.
Bleeeeeeeh. I miss Cindy. I miss Brittainy. I miss Matty, and Chris... and my Nicolie. ♥
I'd miss Jacob too, if we weren't in the middle of pretending the other person doesn't exist. XD
Whatever bro...
Sunday, October 17, 2010
My Life is Okay.
Yep. Okay.
Not good, not great, not oh man, I'm rivalin' Santa's jollyness,
but it's okay.
So I don't get everything I want. That's okay.
Okaaaaaaaaay.
Blarg. Whatever! Ahaaaaaaa
I'm sick. Stupid plague.
BUT I still went dancin' last night. Was so fun. ♥
Though I'm sad Mark didn't really have a good time. More than likely just not his thing. I love him anyway. :)
Cory and I taught Logan how to dance. It was spectacular.
And Tanner was awesome to dance with!! SO FUN! :D
I sang myself hoarse. Ugh.
Typing is so much easier than speaking right now.
Oh God I just coughed on my laptop's screen. Hell dude... XD
I finished The Guild. :( Need something new to watch... prolly will do Firefly finally.
It's so weird, being in on a Saturday night. I feel like I need to be doing things. Or be nothere. It's good to take a break though, especially because my abs are going to be super ripped from coughing so much! Yeeeeeeaaaaah...
Ryan's off seeing Brytnny. I bet they're so adorably happy right now! I'm happy knowing that they're having a good time. ♥
So there's this guy in my dance class that's really cute and friendly, but I can't figure out if he's gay or not. lol. Everyone says it could be either way! ARGH! hah
Bleeeeeeeeeeeh... kinda don't really care anyway.
More things! Going to Fish Rap on Tuesday! Told James Shea I'd be there tonight. :] So exciting!! I LOVE FRL!
Oh. I can go to FRL! because I dropped stupid LALS 80G. Good prof., but too much work for me to want to take the class for just freakin' GEs. GEs are so damned easy to get, why stress myself out over a class I could give 0 fucks about?
Now I'm in Earth Catastrophes with Cam, Miguel, and Logan. So exciting. Even though I basically just sleep through it. Whatever. I liked the killer meteors movie. I WAS AWAKE FOR IT!!
Blah blah blah blah blah... blah.
D-hall sucked tonight. Fuckin' College 8.
Went to Sushi Totoro on Friday. Was fantastic. Tried mocchi (sp?) for the first time. So amazingly delicious. Gummy ice cream stuff omg yay mouth so happy...
I don't freakin' know dude. I'm just okay. Maybe I'd be happy if I weren't sick. Don't really know, don't really care, because I'm sick anyway! Woo....
Casey's big audition is tomorrow. I hope for everyone and the world's sake that she makes it. I feel like she's got a good chance, but yeah, it's all up to them.
I'm listening to Prince now. Love him. Especially 'cause we're dancin' to New Position in jazz dance. LOVE JAZZ DANCE.
Man, this is a lot of ADD rambling. Meh. Whaaaaaaateveeeeer. What else do I have to do? Right. Nothing.
I got a bodice today. Gonna rock Rocky Horror like a damned pro. It's gonna be so hot. Ehehehehehee. >:)
Yeah... well.... I think I'm done for now. Yep.
Not good, not great, not oh man, I'm rivalin' Santa's jollyness,
but it's okay.
So I don't get everything I want. That's okay.
Okaaaaaaaaay.
Blarg. Whatever! Ahaaaaaaa
I'm sick. Stupid plague.
BUT I still went dancin' last night. Was so fun. ♥
Though I'm sad Mark didn't really have a good time. More than likely just not his thing. I love him anyway. :)
Cory and I taught Logan how to dance. It was spectacular.
And Tanner was awesome to dance with!! SO FUN! :D
I sang myself hoarse. Ugh.
Typing is so much easier than speaking right now.
Oh God I just coughed on my laptop's screen. Hell dude... XD
I finished The Guild. :( Need something new to watch... prolly will do Firefly finally.
It's so weird, being in on a Saturday night. I feel like I need to be doing things. Or be nothere. It's good to take a break though, especially because my abs are going to be super ripped from coughing so much! Yeeeeeeaaaaah...
Ryan's off seeing Brytnny. I bet they're so adorably happy right now! I'm happy knowing that they're having a good time. ♥
So there's this guy in my dance class that's really cute and friendly, but I can't figure out if he's gay or not. lol. Everyone says it could be either way! ARGH! hah
Bleeeeeeeeeeeh... kinda don't really care anyway.
More things! Going to Fish Rap on Tuesday! Told James Shea I'd be there tonight. :] So exciting!! I LOVE FRL!
Oh. I can go to FRL! because I dropped stupid LALS 80G. Good prof., but too much work for me to want to take the class for just freakin' GEs. GEs are so damned easy to get, why stress myself out over a class I could give 0 fucks about?
Now I'm in Earth Catastrophes with Cam, Miguel, and Logan. So exciting. Even though I basically just sleep through it. Whatever. I liked the killer meteors movie. I WAS AWAKE FOR IT!!
Blah blah blah blah blah... blah.
D-hall sucked tonight. Fuckin' College 8.
Went to Sushi Totoro on Friday. Was fantastic. Tried mocchi (sp?) for the first time. So amazingly delicious. Gummy ice cream stuff omg yay mouth so happy...
I don't freakin' know dude. I'm just okay. Maybe I'd be happy if I weren't sick. Don't really know, don't really care, because I'm sick anyway! Woo....
Casey's big audition is tomorrow. I hope for everyone and the world's sake that she makes it. I feel like she's got a good chance, but yeah, it's all up to them.
I'm listening to Prince now. Love him. Especially 'cause we're dancin' to New Position in jazz dance. LOVE JAZZ DANCE.
Man, this is a lot of ADD rambling. Meh. Whaaaaaaateveeeeer. What else do I have to do? Right. Nothing.
I got a bodice today. Gonna rock Rocky Horror like a damned pro. It's gonna be so hot. Ehehehehehee. >:)
Yeah... well.... I think I'm done for now. Yep.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
College Year Two So Far...
Fucking-fan-tastic!
Honestly, I don't know what could go wrong right now.
Don't have to deal with any shit & roommates are legit!
(See what I did there!)
Well, one's a little creepy drunk, but whatever.
I think I could be considered a little creepy drunk...
Maybe...
Whaaaaaaateveeeer!
Okay so let's talk about THE FIRST DAY.
The first person I saw was none other than my Cameroon, who was wearing just about the coolest purple shirt I've ever seen. And y'know, I've seen a lot of neat purple stuff. I was so excited to see him I was SHAKING. Overreaction, much? Yes. Oh well. I love Cam!
Saw Tanner as I was carrying a bunch of pillows to my new found home (an awesome apartment, in Porter's G-UNIT!) and just basically yelled "TANNER!" and tried to look as happy as possible with uh... like 5 pillows in my arms. I ended up giving him a hug later.
I think I saw Alec next. After I called his little brother Alec. Ooops. That was minorly horrible. Then I started to see people one by one, I think I ran into Logan, and then Dylan and Cory... I dunno. Don't remember now. And for the record, Dylan gave me the best hug by far, but Cory was bringin' the heat. Not like she doesn't naturally, anyway, but yeah. You go girl!
And I've got to mention Logan more because he said he reads my blog and that made me smile!
Er... and by mention I mean I want to write something nice to tell him how much I appreciate him. 'Cause c'mon, everyone can use that right?
K SO! I met Logan in creative writing last year. We became fast friends because we bonded over all the crappy things going on in our lives... and y'know, we enjoyed each other's company as well. (Not to mention Josh and Dana's) Either way, we'd walk back to Porter from 9/10 or sometimes to Fish Rap (he'd go with me, and it made me so happy!) And I remember one night Mark, Cam and I were at Cafe Rev, and all of us ended up playing Pirate Life. Which consisted of awesomenss and ganging up on Mark and Cameron. YEEEESSS! Well anyway, after that fun, we all went back to the B5 lounge where everyone else was completely trashed. People drinking straight vodka out of coffee mugs, etc. We played Apples to Apples until like 4 AM, and after a night of intense fun and games, c'mon, you just gotta be friends for a while! Luckily, that happened. THEN, of course, 'cause I'm crazy as hell and prefer to sabotage my friendships apparently, I developed a crush on him... and he wasn't interested and he handled it very well! I am very appreciative of that, and we're still awesome friends because we both handled it right.
Anyway, that's a quick run-down on Logan. All you need to know essentially though is he's awesome.
So things I'd like to say:
You are seriously a really, really, really wonderful person and I'm so glad I got to meet you! I can't believe that anyone would ever think you to be an asshole. You were the first person at college who I felt like could really understand how it was for me at home... and our timing in meeting was near flawless. I'm so glad I made such a good friend when I was in such need! I was so upset about Mark, and you so... just angry that your people were treating you like crap, and we were each other's vent and it was so good! Because you didn't know anyone! I could bitch and whine and moan and say whatever the hell I pleased because somehow I guess I knew it was okay. I dunno. You were just a really wonderful thing that happened to me last year who helped me get through mindless bullshit, and I just wanted to let you know, since you read this, and you def deserve to be told how awesome you are more often. I have a lot of fun being your friend, because you're one of the most entertaining people I've EVER met, and I hope we have more years of... just plain 'ole happiness to come!
♥ Darlene
I always feel like I seem weird and kind of obsessive when I write on this blog, but honestly, I just care so much for people and I don't see anything wrong in letting them know. Wouldn't the world be a better place if more people did so, anyway?
Erm. Done with huge sidetrack. Aha!
Let's continue with the first day -- and by day I mean night, because the other parts of daylight consisted of me running around far too much for my own personal hygiene and lung capacity.
Anyway, our friends have a house off campus.
With a 7/11 next door.
We had booze.
We had friends.
There was excitement.
& we had fun.
And by FUN I mean Logan did the dishes at like 3-4 AM and cut himself with a cutco knife.
I dunno how that's fun, but we all had a good night!
I dunno what else exactly to say about that night, except for I got in to my apartment at 6:30 AM.
Was kind of proud of myself. Welcome back to college, eh?!
Monday I slept in. A lot. Then decorated my room. It looks rockin'.
Tuesday I spent a good part of the day grocery shopping with the friendlies. Then we went to the bookstore, hung out for a bit, and proceeded to go to the Boardwalk Frolic whiiiccch was lame as shit. I shall never attend it again. Also had to wait an hour for the bus to get to te metro that night. Fuck that shit. In the butt.
Weds was pretty sweet. Woke up early-ish, hung out for a while, went to Casey's, saw her awesome Halloween costume, told her I love her 'cause I do, and played some Shithead. Went back to my place to find Ryan preparing for his jazz audition (which of course, he did well on, duh!) Hung out for a big to find Cam, Tanner, Dylan and Cory at my door telling me it was time to see Scott Pilgrim. I'm so glad I went. That movie was phenomenal. So entertaining.
Which leads to some interesting developments!
After Scott Pilgrim, we went to the D-hall, ate the good noms, and went back to Tanner and Dylan's to watch Glee. I got to watch most of Glee. Most of it. Because Michael Block called me 5 minutes before it ended to tell me he was on campus to visit! EXCITING!
Anyway. Hung out with him until like, midnight. All was well. Really well. I might like him now well. Then it was today and I had to get up at the crack of dawn. Horray. Fuckin' class.
BUUUUUT Michael was back after class and that was exciting! Except he was bored. Because I'm a bad hostess (BUT A GOOD CUPCAKE!!) but that's okay. Then Cam and I had lunch, and I went to my jazz dance class, which was as amazing as I had expected it to be. Hell to the fuck yeah. Coming back from class I ran into Michael again!! And he came over again! ARGH SO EXCITED. But then Ryan came over and Michael seriously may like Ryan more than me. The broffection, it is so intense. He left around 6-ish, I think. I dunno. Nuffin' happened. Tomorrow he's coming around again, and we're going to go see Fight Club at the Del Marr and it's going to be awesome. Hello date night! Yahoo!
Anyway, college so far this year has been freaking amazing. So freaking amazing.
I'll update you more when I can, dear blogger, but I'm gonna have a metric shitton of work to do soon! Oh nooooooooooooess! :(
Honestly, I don't know what could go wrong right now.
Don't have to deal with any shit & roommates are legit!
(See what I did there!)
Well, one's a little creepy drunk, but whatever.
I think I could be considered a little creepy drunk...
Maybe...
Whaaaaaaateveeeer!
Okay so let's talk about THE FIRST DAY.
The first person I saw was none other than my Cameroon, who was wearing just about the coolest purple shirt I've ever seen. And y'know, I've seen a lot of neat purple stuff. I was so excited to see him I was SHAKING. Overreaction, much? Yes. Oh well. I love Cam!
Saw Tanner as I was carrying a bunch of pillows to my new found home (an awesome apartment, in Porter's G-UNIT!) and just basically yelled "TANNER!" and tried to look as happy as possible with uh... like 5 pillows in my arms. I ended up giving him a hug later.
I think I saw Alec next. After I called his little brother Alec. Ooops. That was minorly horrible. Then I started to see people one by one, I think I ran into Logan, and then Dylan and Cory... I dunno. Don't remember now. And for the record, Dylan gave me the best hug by far, but Cory was bringin' the heat. Not like she doesn't naturally, anyway, but yeah. You go girl!
And I've got to mention Logan more because he said he reads my blog and that made me smile!
Er... and by mention I mean I want to write something nice to tell him how much I appreciate him. 'Cause c'mon, everyone can use that right?
K SO! I met Logan in creative writing last year. We became fast friends because we bonded over all the crappy things going on in our lives... and y'know, we enjoyed each other's company as well. (Not to mention Josh and Dana's) Either way, we'd walk back to Porter from 9/10 or sometimes to Fish Rap (he'd go with me, and it made me so happy!) And I remember one night Mark, Cam and I were at Cafe Rev, and all of us ended up playing Pirate Life. Which consisted of awesomenss and ganging up on Mark and Cameron. YEEEESSS! Well anyway, after that fun, we all went back to the B5 lounge where everyone else was completely trashed. People drinking straight vodka out of coffee mugs, etc. We played Apples to Apples until like 4 AM, and after a night of intense fun and games, c'mon, you just gotta be friends for a while! Luckily, that happened. THEN, of course, 'cause I'm crazy as hell and prefer to sabotage my friendships apparently, I developed a crush on him... and he wasn't interested and he handled it very well! I am very appreciative of that, and we're still awesome friends because we both handled it right.
Anyway, that's a quick run-down on Logan. All you need to know essentially though is he's awesome.
So things I'd like to say:
You are seriously a really, really, really wonderful person and I'm so glad I got to meet you! I can't believe that anyone would ever think you to be an asshole. You were the first person at college who I felt like could really understand how it was for me at home... and our timing in meeting was near flawless. I'm so glad I made such a good friend when I was in such need! I was so upset about Mark, and you so... just angry that your people were treating you like crap, and we were each other's vent and it was so good! Because you didn't know anyone! I could bitch and whine and moan and say whatever the hell I pleased because somehow I guess I knew it was okay. I dunno. You were just a really wonderful thing that happened to me last year who helped me get through mindless bullshit, and I just wanted to let you know, since you read this, and you def deserve to be told how awesome you are more often. I have a lot of fun being your friend, because you're one of the most entertaining people I've EVER met, and I hope we have more years of... just plain 'ole happiness to come!
♥ Darlene
I always feel like I seem weird and kind of obsessive when I write on this blog, but honestly, I just care so much for people and I don't see anything wrong in letting them know. Wouldn't the world be a better place if more people did so, anyway?
Erm. Done with huge sidetrack. Aha!
Let's continue with the first day -- and by day I mean night, because the other parts of daylight consisted of me running around far too much for my own personal hygiene and lung capacity.
Anyway, our friends have a house off campus.
With a 7/11 next door.
We had booze.
We had friends.
There was excitement.
& we had fun.
And by FUN I mean Logan did the dishes at like 3-4 AM and cut himself with a cutco knife.
I dunno how that's fun, but we all had a good night!
I dunno what else exactly to say about that night, except for I got in to my apartment at 6:30 AM.
Was kind of proud of myself. Welcome back to college, eh?!
Monday I slept in. A lot. Then decorated my room. It looks rockin'.
Tuesday I spent a good part of the day grocery shopping with the friendlies. Then we went to the bookstore, hung out for a bit, and proceeded to go to the Boardwalk Frolic whiiiccch was lame as shit. I shall never attend it again. Also had to wait an hour for the bus to get to te metro that night. Fuck that shit. In the butt.
Weds was pretty sweet. Woke up early-ish, hung out for a while, went to Casey's, saw her awesome Halloween costume, told her I love her 'cause I do, and played some Shithead. Went back to my place to find Ryan preparing for his jazz audition (which of course, he did well on, duh!) Hung out for a big to find Cam, Tanner, Dylan and Cory at my door telling me it was time to see Scott Pilgrim. I'm so glad I went. That movie was phenomenal. So entertaining.
Which leads to some interesting developments!
After Scott Pilgrim, we went to the D-hall, ate the good noms, and went back to Tanner and Dylan's to watch Glee. I got to watch most of Glee. Most of it. Because Michael Block called me 5 minutes before it ended to tell me he was on campus to visit! EXCITING!
Anyway. Hung out with him until like, midnight. All was well. Really well. I might like him now well. Then it was today and I had to get up at the crack of dawn. Horray. Fuckin' class.
BUUUUUT Michael was back after class and that was exciting! Except he was bored. Because I'm a bad hostess (BUT A GOOD CUPCAKE!!) but that's okay. Then Cam and I had lunch, and I went to my jazz dance class, which was as amazing as I had expected it to be. Hell to the fuck yeah. Coming back from class I ran into Michael again!! And he came over again! ARGH SO EXCITED. But then Ryan came over and Michael seriously may like Ryan more than me. The broffection, it is so intense. He left around 6-ish, I think. I dunno. Nuffin' happened. Tomorrow he's coming around again, and we're going to go see Fight Club at the Del Marr and it's going to be awesome. Hello date night! Yahoo!
Anyway, college so far this year has been freaking amazing. So freaking amazing.
I'll update you more when I can, dear blogger, but I'm gonna have a metric shitton of work to do soon! Oh nooooooooooooess! :(
Sunday, April 18, 2010
It's Been Such a Long Time
...since I've made a legitimate blog post.
Let's see..
update on life:
Spring break was really awesome. Spent a lot of time with Jacob, and threw a pretty good party. Danced on a table with the best friend. Yep. ♥
I think I really like this guy named Logan, but some other interesting things have happened lately and I'm not 100% sure about that right now.
Other interesting things meaning... my friend Cameron...
I think I'll let you know that story later, dear blog, 'cause I dunno how I feel about it right now.
In other words -- Kick Ass is an awesome movie. The little girl is wtf bat shit crazy and it's kind of totally freakin' awesome.
Now! Back to boys and blahblahblah
I dunno how comfortable I am with putting stuff so personal on the internet anymore.
Mostly because now I really have no idea who reads it, and in which way they take it. I know my now ex-BFF Mark used to read this blog often, and honestly I don't know if he does anymore. He hasn't talked to me in like, 3 months. ~.~ Julia has also read this before, and while I hope to God we're still fairly good friends, sometimes I worry because I'm scared, sad, and still more or less mortified by Mark's abandonment of me. I just don't want to post anything to make either of them think less of me... though I don't know if that would affect how Mark feels about me, anyway.
When this was a blog about FFXI, and FFXI only, well shit, I honestly didn't give a fuck what people thought -- they lived usually over 1,000 miles away and if I never wanted to speak to them again I didn't have to. I didn't have to deal wih their bullshit, their criticism, or their judgmental eyes... passing them in the hall, pretending they are non-existent... urrrghh!
The other thing about a blog about FFXI was it was just a game. I feel like I'm more or less not only posting my story online, but my friends' too. I guess it was the same for FFXI, but who the fuck would care if you were a little bit of a dick in a video game in the real world, really?
At least I think so... kind of.
I dunno. I just don't feel like it's okay for me to post things about other people. Not anymore. I care far too much for Logan, and Cameron, and Kendal, and Tanner, and Julia, and even Allyson and Mark to make our lives here a text based reality TV show. But I also miss writing. I miss ranting. I miss not giving a fuck about so and so's reaction. Because I am me when I write, and God damnit, I am not a bitch when I write. I have a backbone and I am strong, and the itty bitty bit of rage that does live within me can be unleashed.
Argh. I'm just so aggravated. So confused. So grouchy 'cause I got yelled at 'cause I kinda fail at DotA. (lol)
Oh -- in other other words: got my first hickey. I think? And by first I mean set of four.
Think on that, muthafucka.
I'd like to think my personal reaction to finding them this morning was kind of priceless.
OH! and James, sweet gay guy who used to live with Robert, said that I should write for FRL! again.
That kind of made my night. He's such a sweetheart.
Let's see..
update on life:
Spring break was really awesome. Spent a lot of time with Jacob, and threw a pretty good party. Danced on a table with the best friend. Yep. ♥
I think I really like this guy named Logan, but some other interesting things have happened lately and I'm not 100% sure about that right now.
Other interesting things meaning... my friend Cameron...
I think I'll let you know that story later, dear blog, 'cause I dunno how I feel about it right now.
In other words -- Kick Ass is an awesome movie. The little girl is wtf bat shit crazy and it's kind of totally freakin' awesome.
Now! Back to boys and blahblahblah
I dunno how comfortable I am with putting stuff so personal on the internet anymore.
Mostly because now I really have no idea who reads it, and in which way they take it. I know my now ex-BFF Mark used to read this blog often, and honestly I don't know if he does anymore. He hasn't talked to me in like, 3 months. ~.~ Julia has also read this before, and while I hope to God we're still fairly good friends, sometimes I worry because I'm scared, sad, and still more or less mortified by Mark's abandonment of me. I just don't want to post anything to make either of them think less of me... though I don't know if that would affect how Mark feels about me, anyway.
When this was a blog about FFXI, and FFXI only, well shit, I honestly didn't give a fuck what people thought -- they lived usually over 1,000 miles away and if I never wanted to speak to them again I didn't have to. I didn't have to deal wih their bullshit, their criticism, or their judgmental eyes... passing them in the hall, pretending they are non-existent... urrrghh!
The other thing about a blog about FFXI was it was just a game. I feel like I'm more or less not only posting my story online, but my friends' too. I guess it was the same for FFXI, but who the fuck would care if you were a little bit of a dick in a video game in the real world, really?
At least I think so... kind of.
I dunno. I just don't feel like it's okay for me to post things about other people. Not anymore. I care far too much for Logan, and Cameron, and Kendal, and Tanner, and Julia, and even Allyson and Mark to make our lives here a text based reality TV show. But I also miss writing. I miss ranting. I miss not giving a fuck about so and so's reaction. Because I am me when I write, and God damnit, I am not a bitch when I write. I have a backbone and I am strong, and the itty bitty bit of rage that does live within me can be unleashed.
Argh. I'm just so aggravated. So confused. So grouchy 'cause I got yelled at 'cause I kinda fail at DotA. (lol)
Oh -- in other other words: got my first hickey. I think? And by first I mean set of four.
Think on that, muthafucka.
I'd like to think my personal reaction to finding them this morning was kind of priceless.
OH! and James, sweet gay guy who used to live with Robert, said that I should write for FRL! again.
That kind of made my night. He's such a sweetheart.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Virgins: What the Fuck Do you Do?
Virgins in this day and age are quite the interesting creatures. Two types of virgins attempt to drown their misery in whatever fashion they can: there's the innocent, pink-cheeked crazy fucks who are, "Saving themselves for Jesus," and the poor bastards who have just yet to experience the utter joy that is being laid. Now-- I've always wondered what these people to do relieve themselves of their sexual frustrations.
I decided to start my investigation at Merrill College, better know to the UCSC community as "Sterile Merrill." I figured that I'd find a plethora of juicy virgins to satisfy my needs there.
Because physically moving is rather inconvenient, I decided to reward myself with a small meal at Tacos Morenos (the actual only legitimate reason for trekking up Cardiac Hill in the first place), which lead me to my first victim of the day. As I ordered my breakfast burrito, 'cause breakfast is always legit, I "bumped" into a resident of Merrill College and then started my investigation.
Our conversation, to the best of my recollection, went something like this:
"Hello, kind sir, and good day to you, I'm a member of the Fish Rap Live! Staff and I've got a few questions to ask, would you mind having a short conversation with me?"
He obliged, and we sat down at a nearby table.
"Sir, have you experienced the splendor that is sexual intercourse?"
I, of course, was actually that polite.
The Merrillite just stared at me with wide, blank eyes - I don't know if it was because I'd been so blunt (LOLWEED) or if it was the fact that my hand was ever creeping toward his genitalia (LOLDICKS), but he was quite startled.
His eyes sparkled, I think from terror, then he glanced my way for a split second, then almost inaudibly muttered a "Yes." He then stood up, and briskly walked away. I guess he was one of those "Saving myself for Jesus" types.
Anyway - besides the fact that the Merrillite was a-shakin' in his booties, I had picked up on the fact that he smelt like a dead wet dog, which I found rather peculiar, since he looked clean.
I strolled over to one of Merrill's dormitories and entered what I thought would be a rather normal place (it is Merrill after all.) My nose nearly exploded, and my poor abused nostrils begged me, on their knees (LOLBLOWJOBS) if they had them, to leave that foul-smelling world. I was subdued by my nose, and turned right the fuck around.
After wasting some time being completely lost around Merrill, I found myself at the housing office. I'd decided that the people in there might know why the hell the place smelt that bad.
They told me that they had no definite answer, but that recently the vacuums had been breaking down nearly every night. They had kept getting clogged, which caused them to blow circuits, and then, when pulled they'd leak a milky off-white substance, which conveniently left little race tracks of white goop around the dorm.
When I asked them if they had investigated, they told me that they were not paid to enter the land of a college dorm.
Their words may have also been, "Fuck that shit."
I decided that I needed to return to Porter to borrow a few "investigative tools" from a fellow Fish Rapper. I explained to him my predicament, and he promptly lent me his tools - Ganja, Smokey, and Chronic.
Mice equipped with video cameras are quite useful things.
I took my tools up that God-forsaken hill and let them loose.
I then proceeded to go back to Porter and do what we do best: smoke hella weed.
The next morning (2 PM), I rolled out of bed to view what my fabulous little detectives had found for me, and oh, the shock, the horror, and the luls, they were so intense.
Those little mice had discovered what the fuck was up with Merrill--
Dear readers of FRL!:
The virgins of Merrill College have been using the vacuums to relieve themselves of sexual frustrations.
The reason why the vacuums were clogged?
Some crazy fuck decided putting the vacuum on full power was a good idea, and now he doesn't have to "trim the forest" for a month.
The reason a milky off-white substance leaks from the vacuums?
Oh, I think you know.
(In case you're minorly retarded, it's jizz!)
Now, the reason why Merrill radiates a toxic stench?
Crazy virgins have been jacking off into vacuums, and then other residents, unaware of the situation, have been dragging jizz leaking vacuums around the entire dorm. And they can't clean it up because the vacuums don't work.
I suppose that this investigation has answered my original question of what do virgins do to get off, but it has only lead me to another, an all encompassing question to be asked for all eternity:
What the fuck is up with Merrill?
I decided to start my investigation at Merrill College, better know to the UCSC community as "Sterile Merrill." I figured that I'd find a plethora of juicy virgins to satisfy my needs there.
Because physically moving is rather inconvenient, I decided to reward myself with a small meal at Tacos Morenos (the actual only legitimate reason for trekking up Cardiac Hill in the first place), which lead me to my first victim of the day. As I ordered my breakfast burrito, 'cause breakfast is always legit, I "bumped" into a resident of Merrill College and then started my investigation.
Our conversation, to the best of my recollection, went something like this:
"Hello, kind sir, and good day to you, I'm a member of the Fish Rap Live! Staff and I've got a few questions to ask, would you mind having a short conversation with me?"
He obliged, and we sat down at a nearby table.
"Sir, have you experienced the splendor that is sexual intercourse?"
I, of course, was actually that polite.
The Merrillite just stared at me with wide, blank eyes - I don't know if it was because I'd been so blunt (LOLWEED) or if it was the fact that my hand was ever creeping toward his genitalia (LOLDICKS), but he was quite startled.
His eyes sparkled, I think from terror, then he glanced my way for a split second, then almost inaudibly muttered a "Yes." He then stood up, and briskly walked away. I guess he was one of those "Saving myself for Jesus" types.
Anyway - besides the fact that the Merrillite was a-shakin' in his booties, I had picked up on the fact that he smelt like a dead wet dog, which I found rather peculiar, since he looked clean.
I strolled over to one of Merrill's dormitories and entered what I thought would be a rather normal place (it is Merrill after all.) My nose nearly exploded, and my poor abused nostrils begged me, on their knees (LOLBLOWJOBS) if they had them, to leave that foul-smelling world. I was subdued by my nose, and turned right the fuck around.
After wasting some time being completely lost around Merrill, I found myself at the housing office. I'd decided that the people in there might know why the hell the place smelt that bad.
They told me that they had no definite answer, but that recently the vacuums had been breaking down nearly every night. They had kept getting clogged, which caused them to blow circuits, and then, when pulled they'd leak a milky off-white substance, which conveniently left little race tracks of white goop around the dorm.
When I asked them if they had investigated, they told me that they were not paid to enter the land of a college dorm.
Their words may have also been, "Fuck that shit."
I decided that I needed to return to Porter to borrow a few "investigative tools" from a fellow Fish Rapper. I explained to him my predicament, and he promptly lent me his tools - Ganja, Smokey, and Chronic.
Mice equipped with video cameras are quite useful things.
I took my tools up that God-forsaken hill and let them loose.
I then proceeded to go back to Porter and do what we do best: smoke hella weed.
The next morning (2 PM), I rolled out of bed to view what my fabulous little detectives had found for me, and oh, the shock, the horror, and the luls, they were so intense.
Those little mice had discovered what the fuck was up with Merrill--
Dear readers of FRL!:
The virgins of Merrill College have been using the vacuums to relieve themselves of sexual frustrations.
The reason why the vacuums were clogged?
Some crazy fuck decided putting the vacuum on full power was a good idea, and now he doesn't have to "trim the forest" for a month.
The reason a milky off-white substance leaks from the vacuums?
Oh, I think you know.
(In case you're minorly retarded, it's jizz!)
Now, the reason why Merrill radiates a toxic stench?
Crazy virgins have been jacking off into vacuums, and then other residents, unaware of the situation, have been dragging jizz leaking vacuums around the entire dorm. And they can't clean it up because the vacuums don't work.
I suppose that this investigation has answered my original question of what do virgins do to get off, but it has only lead me to another, an all encompassing question to be asked for all eternity:
What the fuck is up with Merrill?
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
First FRL! Article
The person who read it last night said it was funny... but probably too long...
I'll type it up later and post it on here... if people comment on it that'd be swell!
I'm just really happy I actually wrote something. It's a lot more productive than uh... not writing something and just showing up at production weekend for like, 2 hours, or 3, or however long I was there...
It's about um, virgins, Merrill, and uh, vacuums, and it's pretty intense.
PS: if anyone in Santa Cruz reads this blog, the new issue is out and it's freakin' hilarious, so go read FRL! instead of CHP! Wooho! :]
I'll type it up later and post it on here... if people comment on it that'd be swell!
I'm just really happy I actually wrote something. It's a lot more productive than uh... not writing something and just showing up at production weekend for like, 2 hours, or 3, or however long I was there...
It's about um, virgins, Merrill, and uh, vacuums, and it's pretty intense.
PS: if anyone in Santa Cruz reads this blog, the new issue is out and it's freakin' hilarious, so go read FRL! instead of CHP! Wooho! :]
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