The 'Cho, and Why It Makes Me Sad:

(Click image for larger.)

I'll post actual words on this later. Maybe.

By the way: if you can tell who this person is, please let me know. I don't want anyone to bother them over a silly blog post made by some bitch that doesn't even know them. I'm using this as a statistic and am in no way making fun of them or their life.

Also: obviously edited for names.

EDU 60 Memo #1

Darlene McCoy
dmmccoy@ucsc.edu
Segment 1 Memo - Option B
Yolanda Diaz-Houston - Section 1E
April 13, 2011
506 words

To Whom It May Concern:
My name is Darlene McCoy, and I’m a student at UC Santa Cruz. Merely getting to this school was a near impossible challenge for me because of where I grew up. I live in an area right outside of Sacramento – Rancho Cordova, and let me tell you, it’s not exactly the best place to go to school. When I was in elementary school, in the ‘90s, there was paper provided in the classrooms, there were pencils if someone forgot or needed one, and there were functional materials. My teachers were incredible, and happy to be there teaching each day. While my elementary school was still poor, it was alright. It wasn’t a huge challenge to get through a day of class. In high school, I was hearing about how my beloved music program might be getting cut every other week, my textbooks were falling apart, my classes were at least 30 students to one teacher, our library was a joke, and our career center was a distant memory. In school, I was in the honors/AP program - I can’t imagine what it was like to be in the normal classes, with even less material. Just this year at least half of my high school’s sports programs were cut. I’m pretty sure my music teacher got about $500 for the orchestra for the entire year. There were about fifteen people of my graduating class of anywhere from 250-300 who went to a four-year college. Our original class freshman year was about 650 students. What happened to all of them? Why is the school system failing so miserably?
I believe that if the state gave more funding to schools, that students like me, from my background, would have opportunities to thrive in life, and all of society would benefit. If my school had more funding, we could have had better classrooms, better teachers, and better material. College would not have seemed like a far-off impossible dream. Other students could have had the chance to thrive more in elective classes. We could have a library that was worth taking the time to go to, or a career center to aid us in our future endeavors. I feel like with more funding, graduation rates in my area would go up. And furthermore, because graduation rates would go up, crime rates would go down. Just the other year, at Rancho Cordova’ annual 4th of July Celebration, someone was shot, and the whole thing had to be shut down. How is education not a public good? There are far too many benefits from having an educated populace to not fund education through tax dollars. Why is it that I, my former classmates, and my community have to suffer due to our lower income? Why is the state not protecting us, not helping us become educated citizens? The cuts to education are insane – how can a society function without educated citizens that are able to perform their duties well? I expect more from my state.
Sincerely,
Darlene McCoy

Fuckin' Rancho

ugh...

http://www.kcra.com/mostpopular/26857345/detail.html

RANCHO CORDOVA, Calif. -- A memorial march to honor three teens killed in a weekend shooting took place Monday through the streets of Rancho Cordova.
Several police and sheriff's cars were parked in front of Cordova High School and Mills Middle School Monday, following Sunday's fatal shooting in a nearby neighborhood of Rancho Cordova.

Officers searched and briefly detained at least two young people on Monday. An officer on scene told KCRA 3 the two appeared to be wearing possibly gang-colored clothing. No one was taken into custody.School district officials said they had not confirmed that any of three victims were students at the school. Nevertheless, they said extra counselors and administrators were on hand."I've spoken with parents personally who are concerned about what's going on," said Folsom-Cordova school district spokesman Stephen Nichols. "And they're very happy to know that police are here, that school is going on and that we've added some support."Family members identified two of the victims as Jamir Miller and Richard Ward, also known as "Bubba."

Jamir Miller, left, and Richard Ward, right.

The killings occurred Sunday afternoon in the front yard of a condominium on Malaga Way. Officials said the teens were riding their bikes when they were gunned down.Friends and classmates placed flowers and balloons Monday morning at a growing memorial on the sidewalk. One girl, who did not give her name, said she was the girlfriend of one of the victims, a 16-year-old whom she identified as Richard."He was a good person, went to school, had hecka friends, hecka family," the girl told KCRA 3. "That was the love of my life. That's my heart right there. Now that he's gone I don't even know what to do."She added that Richard had no enemies. "I don't know why this happened to him. I don't know why this happened to any of them."Officials have not said if the shooting is gang-related, but neighbors said they fear that some retaliation may take place.At about 9 p.m. Sunday, another shooting occurred nearby. Two victims were sent to a hospital. Authorities did not say if the second shooting appears to be related to the first attack.

Thanksgivins! :DD

Ooooooooh man, what a GOOD BREAK.

Get home Weds around like, 8. Did nothing. Only boring day of break... hah

Turkey Day: went to some neat ass hotel built in the 1800s in Volcano. Ate hella good food. Had an exceptional time with Mom, Marc & Waylon... Went to Denny's with Matt, Chris, and Jacob. Had a grilled cheese filled with mozzarella sticks dipped in cheese sauce. HomyGod, delicious heart attack, go! Went to Rory's to say hi after. Watched Aaron dance. (HE'S SO WHITE ♥ XD) Enjoyed self until random douche dude and his friend showed up. Left and went to sreeps.

Black Friday: went to the outlets. Made out like a bandit. Prolly spent too much money. Bought pants that didn't fit. URRRGH! Had an awesome time with the BFF, Cindy. Missed her so much. Went back to her place for a bit, said hi to the wonderful Specert family, and then went out for delicious delicious sushhhiis! 11 people showed. (Me, Jacob, Bree, Chelsea, Aaron, Matt, Chris, Ryan Miller, Matt Smolich, Ryan's sister Rachel, & Dean!) I felt super special. Ryan Miller's sister is a SLUG! We had a great time chatting about UCSC-esque things. Super happy. Love the neon lights and glittery purple post things that hold up the ceiling. Awesome times were had. People left sushis and went off to party. Smolich, Jacob and I went back to his place and played some Crystal Chronicles. Boob Squad > life. Really glad I finally got to meet Smolich, he's hella cool. Chris showed up at Jacob's later and MineCrafted his heart out. The entertainment, it was so intense. Passed out around 2.

Saturday: went to Sunrise Mall to get my hair done. My hair person is the greatest, ever. I've got to learn how to drive for her. Haircut is hella cute! Mom bought me my Christmas present early -- a purple and black plaid skirted peacoat. Yeah motherfucker, it's awesome. :D Went back to Pac Sun to return jeans that didn't fit, got three pairs (instead of two) for twenty dollars more, and fell in love with the store's manager. Hella good deals yaaay! AND NOW I HAVE PANTS THAT FIT. OMG. Got home around 3-ish, I think, and finished Logan's friendship bracelet. Then went sock shopping with Jacob... ate delicious delicious pizza at Cheeser's, then Chris met up with us. We all went back to Jacob's, watched some anime... and then Aaron showed up. After, went to Taco Bell. Did not eat Taco Bell. Then went to go pick up Matty out of butt-fuck nowhere. Srsly. Got kind of car sick on the way, and it took about an hour. You're lucky we love you so much, Matty! Went back to Jacob's. Matt and Chris left to get cars/controllers. Aaron watched Jacob play MineCraft, I went through Matt's iPod pictures. Midnight. Matt and Chris return with their bounty. We Vesperia. We destroy balloons. WE PULL OUR HAIR OUT TAKING RIDICULOUS ORDERS AT 3 IN THE FUCKING MORNING. We are rewarded with French maids and kitty cat costumes. Victory is achieved. Vesperiaing continues until 4:30 AM. Pass out at about... 5:30 AM.

Tales of Vesperia!

Sunday: Wake up around noon, fuck that shit, wake up again around 1:30. Had a dream about a boy. (!) Shower, dress, internet, 4:00. Go shopping for foods for potluck with Jacob. Buy salad and green beans. Make green beans at home, add salt and pepper and make them amazing! Watch a little terrible television, and head out to College Group. Arrive at College Group, proceed with hella days hugs and greetings. SO HAPPY TO SEE EVERYONE! Chat while the finishing touches and other stuff goes on. Play with Charlotte ♥. Eat the fuck out of some turkey, after saying grace of course! HAH! Eat the fuck out of some lemon custard pie. Dean is the greatest. Make postcards for poor 10 year old girl with terminal cancer. Feel good about possibly making her life a little more happier. Give more hugs, roll out. Home. End of break.

It was good. So good. :]

Can't wait to get back to SC tomorrow and see my beautiful people there. I feel weird not seeing some people for more than like, 12 hours. Like... y'know, the ones that live in my house? ♥

Gonna make Cory's bracelet tomorrow on the train. Prolly won't finish it, but it'll be done before winter break!

Passin' the fucccck out soon, gotta get up at 7:30... :/

Nighty, blog!

The Weekend of the Captain!

I've sure been doin' a lot of these recap thinggers lately... prolly 'cause I've got time on the weekends to blog blog blog 'til my daddy takes my computer away~ ♪♪

Man, that's silly. Duurrrrrr hurrrr hurrrr ...

So, wtf am I goin' to talk about today? I guess I should start with Friday, don't think anything huge and/or significant happened during the week.

Friday was cool: Rocky Horror. My friend Stephanie was Janet, and she was adorable. So awesome. I danced on stage with Ana and Cory, and it totally made my night! Besides, my legs looked awesome in those heels. Ohhh baby. :]

Ladies!

That night basically consisted of Cpt. Morgan, Rocky, order pizza, pass out. It was good, it was chill. No depressed Darlene, ftw.

THE NEXT DAY! Saturday!

I got up and dressed around noon. Left my place around 1:45. Went to a house on Ocean street for a house show. Stayed until like, 6 something. Silly Creature was awesome, as usual, Time Machine was... pretty good? And Zeyphr's band was a FUNK band and it impressed me quite a bit! So cool! Voto was also there for a while makin'... beats? Or something... dunno... with a pedal board. Neat neat neat!

After that, Pranov and I went to Taco Bell. We feasted. Crunchwraps, hooo!
Wes was also with us. Is it bad that I'm basically totally sketched out by him? Hah...
THEN we went to the Pacific Cookie Company to see Max (Pranov's friend) annnnnnnnnnd we got some cookies. I had a chocolate covered snickerdoodle.

Friends are good, right? I think so.

We went to the downtown house for a bit afterward. I think Pranov was in the bathroom or something, because Wes and I were chillin' in the front room by our lonesomes for a while. Sort of weird, but whatever. We decided to roll out to Church House early to try and avoid the storm getting any worse. Dunno if it was a good call or not... heh

We ended up at Church House at like 7:40. 'Bout 20 mins early, but there were people there already anyway. No biggie. We just attempted to dry off and hung out for a bit. Church House has stadium seating now and it's awesome!

Riley showed up next. The boys had some beer, they were content. A little wet, but content~ ♪♪

Then Cory, Freshman, Logan, and Tanner showed up. I was joined on the couch for a bit, but then people were like "HOMYGOD BEER PONG GOOOOOO!" Annnd I ended up warmin' the couch by myself for a while. Was nice. Relaxing. I was super tired from the like... 4 hours of music earlier, anyway.

I finally got up to go watch some pong. I was interested in their rules... comapin' 'em to our Rancho rules. We play hardcore pong in the 'Cho. Intense shit, y'know?

I feel like Rory would have been proud. Hah.

Anyway, during that, I heard there was more rum. Cpt. Morgan again. Mmmm. I had myself a shot. A tasty tasty shot... and then made myself some rum and coke. Def my favorite drink... :)

Downed that pretty quick, then had another shot. 'Twas my alcohol intake for the night... because the rum disappeared quickly...

Phrase of the night.

Oh then Voto showed up... and I was like heeeeeeeeey~!

I feel like I def drunk hit on him. A lot. S'ok. Liquid courage goooooooo!

But, at the end of the night, I managed to ask him if he'd like to spend some time together sometime, and he gave me a rather excited yes. Pretty sweet, dude!

BUT I got no number... lolfail... Tanner def got it... DERRRRP.

I also dunno if he was so excited 'cause he was drunk, too. Merp. Self-doubt, hooo!

So, the bands that played were pretty good. Six in one day. Was like a festival. In my backyard. SO COOL. (I ♥ SC!)

I can't remember the third band's name, but of course, our loves, Under a Western Sky played, and another new (?) band named In the Airplane played as well. Was a good show. Under a Western Sky created a mosh pit, as usual. Was a rather intense one. I was sitting off to the side (with Voto, btw, GLEEEEEEEEEE) and I got hit in the mouth, and then someone knocked my glasses off and one of the nose pieces def scratched my face a bit. Ooow. OH well. If I had actually been in that pit, I prolly would have died. Was fun watching my friends go, though!

Freshman said he got like, 4 concussions. I dunno man. I dunno.

Blaaargg. So the music ended around 11, and everyone was intoxicated enough already so we decided to roll back onto campus. Was prolly a good call.

The bus was stupid full when we got on, the bus driver was hella legit and let WAY more of us than he should have (by bus company type thing regulations)... it was awesome.

I didn't have anything to hold on to, so I kind of kept falling over. Sorry, Riley & Tanner. XD

When we went past the UCSC guard thing, all of us in the front ducked. It was so funny.

The bus also died twice. Succcccccccch an awesome bus ride! Yahooo! :]

Yep. Anyway. Made it back to Porter. Drank another shot (forgot about that one!), went to my room, hung out for a bit. Tanner ordered a shit load of pizza... blah blah blah watched some YouTube videos...

I think I almost cried again. Def almost went into depressed drunk Darlene mode again. Meh.

Whenever I feel bad, though, the guys always tell me, "it could be worse, you could have a dick."

I dunno how that's supposed to make me feel better. At all.

And I kept saying, "I hate my life" last night... I do, sort of. Lately I've been really, really down. Can't find a relationship... I miss them so much... don't have that special person to just bond with, don't have that person to just love me for who I am. It's so hard to live without that when I know how good it is, and when I lived with it for so long. ARRGGHH.

(There was a point in the night where I was looking at your name in my phone, considering things...)

I'm well aware that people are worse off than me. Shit dude, I always try my best to eat every once of food I take from the d-hall because I am so aware of things. I always try my best to appreciate things. I get pissed as fuck when people don't appreciate the things they have... I def say, "I hate my life" versus "My life is so terrible." I don't have to like my life, even if it's a rather okay one. Mother fuckin' Great Gatsby, anyone? Urg.

I don't know why I'm so particularly upset. Oh well~

This week is Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving break. I need it. Bad. Can't wait to see my family and friends in the 'Cho! I especially miss Cindy, my Mom, my broski-bro, and Matty. Always miss Matty. Oh and Chris and Brittainy, too! Always, I want to be with them! HAH!

Man, this post reeks of retarded-ness sometimes. Oh well.

Overall, was a pretty good weekend. Now I gotta read shit fo' class, and shower, and eat, and get on with my life!

There's tomorrow to worry about: gotta edit my paper, finish my readings, and... y'know... get ready to go home. :)

I'm gonna be rollin' out on Weds. Weds afternoon, headin' home on the 17.

I'm excited. Gonna make so many friendship bracelets.

Oh and dude, Freshman gave me an iPod (!!!) so I can listen to music on the way home! ♥

Such a good Freshman.

Such good musics.

Annnnnnnnnd in celebration of our liquor of choice!:

Mooski #14 Yeah x3 - Chris Brown

Don't really care about the song a whole lot, but a person I know from high school is one of the main back-up dancers, and that's really cool. He's also the white kid doing the back flips. WTF.

Fuck yeah Kyle Cordova. Makin' Rancho not look like hell! :)



Oh and the kid like, "Look it's Chris Brown!" HELLA cracks me upp!

Last Day in the 'Cho!

Holy God, it's finally here!

I'll be back in SC tomorrow!!

Saying goodbye to the wonderful people here has been hard, though.

Got a lot closer with a lot of people over the summer, and I'm gonna miss them a whooole lot.
(and the delicious sushi associated with them!)

Cindy, of course, made my summer awesome. So many shopping trips, lots of cheese filled pretzels, Easy A, and camping! Man, we had such a GOOD summer!

I think I've got to give Matt a lot of credit for making my summer as well... whenever I was down/upset/raging he always made me feel better. And he gives awesome hugs!

Chris & Brittainy made me smile quite a bit as well, because everyone started to get along really well and it was wonderful!

Jacob and I had a bunnch of ups and downs. All I've gotta say for us is the summer was epic.
and y'know, meeting Smolich was neat, because, as Matt says, "The dude just leaks awesome."

College Group made my summer significantly better, too. I wish people could understand it's awesomeness. I'm going to miss it a lot! 
I was excited to get to know some people there better! (Dean, Jeph, Bryce, Phil, Aaron, Bree) They're all awesome. And seeing Daniel again was really cool. :) It was so relaxing, so comforting, especially when I had a million things running through my mind... like when grandpa passed... urrrrggg

I dunno what else to say, really. I just had a good summer and I'm really happy I got to spend it with super-cool people! Sort of sad it's over now, but hey, Rancho, we had a good run this year.

HolyShitFuck

I AM SO CUDDLY WHILE INTOXICATED!

Last night was pretty fun. I was pretty silly.

Lokos are INSANE. So much alcohol in one can?! WTF?!

Luckily for my liver, next Monday is the last night of Pong at Rory's.

but you better bet your ass I'll be there! Yeaaah! :]

Ah well, Rancho was bumpin' last night and it was prettyyyy awesome.

Can't wait for this weekend. It is destined to be freaking amazing...

Gotta Stop Bein' SO LAZY!

and respond!

I need to write long, loving, beautiful thank yous and OHMYGODILOVEYOUs and all kinds of stuff... some people just amaze me to no end...

Blahahahahsdikfdbaildbghqw846b ntyhgs,f

People have made me feel better about college.

Lots, lots better.

And they need to know it MOAR!

Yeppity yep yep~!

Going to play Pong at Rory's tonight. Hella excited to kick it with Rancho peeps! Jacob doesn't drink, nor does he care for social situations. Might be an interesting night. Hopefully and hopefully not it will warrant another blog post tomorrow. We'll see. WE'LL SEE!

Also: I woke up at 2 PM today. Really gotta fix my sleep schedule. Gotta stop watching Doctor Who with my brother until 6 AM.

...but it's just so fun!! ARGH!

I think he finished Season 3 last night, and now he's watching 2... because he originally skipped it for some reason, and just watched Doomsday. Haha.

Oh, last night was hella legit, btw.

Had In-and-Out, saw Kylie, Kristen, and Brad! I'd of liked to talk to them more, but it would've been hella weird because Jacob doesn't really know them at all.

and after amazing delicious awesome foods, we watched Ponyo. Cuteexplosion type of film! ♥


directed by none other than
Hayao Miyazaki! *cheers*

My friends here have made it their mission to educate me on the awesomeness that is Miyazaki. We've already watched Spirited Away and Princess Mononoke! I'm super excited to see the rest of his films. I've loved them so far.

Ponyo was just freaking adorable. So adorable. Poor Ryan Miller couldn't handle the cuteness for a while, which, of course, lead to even more entertainment.

Oh yeah, went to College Group for the first time last night. Made me remember how much I enjoyed going to Youth Group a few years ago. The atmosphere is so nice, so peaceful, so all-encompassing and brilliantly comforting and safe. I like religion. It's a good way to get together, bond, and share experiences, life, and whatever else. Made me really happy, and relaxed my mind. Can't wait for next Sunday!

Tomorrow I'm planning to watch more Glee with Cindy. I would today, but today I'm not really moving so much until it's time for Pong. Yaaaay, hella days lazy Darlene! It happens. I'm sure she'll understand. Man... I really need to shower.

OH! One last thing: Blogging is cool.

Hurrrrderpderp OUT LIKE TROUT!

I Am Proud to Announce!

...that I, Darlene McCoy

have an (almost) fully functioning school girl outfit.

Just missin' some silly shoes, and some knee high socks!

I am so amused.

Also: in the process of school-girling it up, I have learned to tie a tie.

I am so proud.

This has been a boring day, but a glorious day!

Woohoo!

Thinking about wearing it to pong on Monday! Might be funny.

The negative to that idea is I might get raped.

Fuckin' Rancho!

Teehee! ♥

I'd also like to take this time to be like:
LOL I LOVE MY MUSE SHIRT 'CAUSE IT REEKS OF AWESOME!

S'good, s'good. S'all good, darlin'.

The Mess In the 'Cho

Ahhhh, home sweet home.

Such a bitter sweet home, right now.

Leeeeeeeeeet's roll back a few years, shall we?

This is one about Jacob.

Jacob Victoria.

Friend who's been trying to be more than a friend FOR-EV-ER.

K so, junior year of high school.

Sucked. Hardcore. I was alone most of the day at school, always sad, always feeling awkward, no matter how much effort I put into trying to be outgoing. Always too afraid of what people thought of me. (Not much different from now, really, eh?) I remember Ms. Davis' English class... man, I hated that class. Ms. Davis was awesome, and the class wasn't actually bad, but after Greg dropped out of it, I had near nobody to talk to, to smile at, to give me any sort of confidence. Maybe I could've shown someone I was interested in being friends. I feel like I did. Oh well. Junior year sucked. Hated being alone.

ANYWAY, after school, people would come over to my house. People always came over, that's what happened! Ever since like, the 6th grade, starting with our famous Wednesdays. (RIP good times) Annnnd Jacob just started showing up a lot. And he'd leave after everyone else, so we would chat for a while, bolster our friendship, and be happy. That was cool. Was really happy with that. I'd been so lonely at school that the additional time socializing was really good for me. The issue came about when he'd not leave until 8-9 PM, and I still had homework/a life to attend to afterward. (These are the days when I went to sleep from 10-11 PM) ALSO: I HAD A BOYFRIEND WHO WAS TRIPPING BALLS. Guys don't like it when their girls spend more time with another guy than themselves. Go figure. After a while, I guess the messages started showing up. The mass amounts of comments, or stuff like that on MySpace. And while flattering, and nice to read, messages from another guy, when you're already deep into a relationship, are just not healthy after a while. The guilt sets in, and your heart starts to break every time you see them. The thing is about Jacob is while he is weird, and kind of obsessive, he is a good guy, and just wants to love and be loved. He's such a romantic. Hehe! I am also, very romantic, and we both share a lot of common interests. And the thing is: I love to make people happy, so I continued to spend time with him. I just made sure he didn't come over more than once a week, so Greg would feel more comfortable. But in the end, I was finding myself trying to make too many people happy, and worrying about Jacob like I would worry about a boyfriend. He became a subject my mind wandered too far too much for my own good, and poor Greg's sanity. I wanted to make the poor kid happy. Always have. Anyway, in the end, I had to cut off all communication with Jacob. I couldn't handle it, Greg couldn't handle it, and he was basically tearing my relationship apart. That just would not do.

Now, it's a a few years later. I figured that we could possibly be friends again, because y'know, I like friends. I like to see people happy, and be happy with them. We started chatting again, and I was content, just like before. He really needed a friend, and I really needed a friend. We were excellent for each others health. A few nights before Spring Break, he texted me. He was basically a hot mess, and I was happy to be there for him. When I returned for break, we spent a lot of time together, doing a whole lot of nothing, and enjoying the hell out of it. I was really happy to have a old, and cherished friend back. But see, darlin', shit always goes wrong. After break, we just chatted through texts/facebook/whatever, and his feelings for me grew like muscles on steroids. They grew really fast, and really intense. It's not that I was unaware, and I had even previously warned him earlier on in the year, that if things got bad, I was going to stop talking to him again. I just... was unaware of how much those feelings had grown over being away from me. I didn't realize that when I got home, I'd have to deal with junior year Jacob all over again. He's... just like a prisoner... whenever that dog comes by with the key, he grasps and grasps and grasps for it... so desperate to set his heart free... it's really, really sad, and I wish I could cure that for him, but the only way to do so is to be with him, and I just don't feel that way.

So, after about a week of hangin' out in Rancho, chillin', and having a good time, Jacob and I got into a scuffle. And lord, I do not like to fight with people. Hate it. Hate telling them no, hate telling them anything negative. Honestly, I don't even remember what it was about. It was more of, "Do you want to hang out?" "No, I don't think that's a good idea without someone else around." which lead to questions. Always with the God damned questions. Questions you expect me to answer. Questions your eyes plead me to answer in the way you want. You think I've got my shit sorted out? Oh, I don't think so. They drive me insane. I get, and got frustrated with you that night, and I believe I still am. I don't want to break your heart, but if it's your heart, or my sanity, well, my sanity wins. Just BLOWS in the process that I can't get to know Matt/Aaron/Rory better, I guess. I'd say Chris too, but I know he doesn't like me sooo~! Yeah!

This time, there is no Greg. No boyfriend, no relationship, not even a hardcore crush. (There are cute boys in Santa Cruz though! WOO!) So I'm kind of scared. I don't have an excuse, I don't have a person to hide behind. I've got to deal with this on my own this time. And it was SO MUCH EASIER to deal with last time because I had Greg's support, and I was happy with him. Really happy. This time... no substantial blockade for Jacob to deal with... it scares me... because I am a person who will try to convince myself of feelings, in an attempt to be happy, and to make someone else happy. And I'm usually down to give people a chance, but with Jacob, if we went out for a week, it would prolly kill him if I broke up with him, which would prevent me from doing so for about a month, at least, prolly more, which in the end, is just wasted time. I don't know. There's no feelings. No relationship makes sense. Urrgg!

Bleh. There's just so much on my plate right now. I didn't even bite off this much; it was just shoveled upon my platter of issues, and now I've got to choke it down somehow.

Wasn't summer supposed to be relaxing? XD

DerpDeDerpDerp

I feel much better now.

SOLIKE, lots of shit has happened.

Like, lots, of, shit.

But Cameron is here being a dork.

'cause he's dorky and stuff.

Reading

this

stuff

stuff
stuff
stuff

MAYBE I should write a poem

using stuff

as my repeating word

'cause I kinda have to do that anyway

DAMN YOU POETRY

:)

Actually, I've got to write two poems,

and read some stuff

but I like the reading, the writers are good,

and it's not like, analytical reading, I can actually enjoy it!

But I think Cameron's bored now...

SO!

He will continue to do his work,

and I'll tell you, oh dear blogger,

what has been going on with my life

considering that, uh,

I kinda said there would be some INTENSE FUCKING POSTS after Jan 4th,

and it's um,

kinda

like

Jan 17th

...! Only a few days 'til Riley's birthday!

Oooooh~ That'll be so fun~! ♥

Oh, I'm 19 now.

Cool.

Right!

Only Dylan is older than me :/

Deeeeeer.

Music makes me really happy

Mark makes me really happy

LIFE MAKES ME REALLY HAPPY!

Cameron Cameron Cameron,

I see you there..!

OKAY, SO FINALLY,

INTENSE SHIT

Okay, so

over winter break:

I went to a party
and uh
kinda sorta
really
flirted with a guy who got punched in the face (better known as KB'd) by my friend, Katie Butler

Getting KB'd is kinda self-explicable now, don't ya think~?

I think so.

My friend Alex also went streaking.

Yep.

That was funny.

Like, really, freakin', funny.

I ended up staying the night that night,

at my friend's ex-boyfriend who got punched in the face's house..

We watched Up, that cute little Disney movie about an old man, a boy scout, and a dodo bird, and some other crazy stuff...

Yeah, well, that was kind of an interesting party.

Pretty good, I know I enjoyed myself.

KSO,

After that, that Sunday, I believe,

I went to Hooters to watch a UFC match with some of the Rancho guys,
and some of the Rancho girls, but mostly just Kaylin...

I'm really not sure if that girl even likes me... haaaaaaaaaaa~

Well, I ended up paying waaaay too much compared to everyone else,

SO

No more Hooters with Rancho kids.

Fuck. That. Shit.

Yeppity-yep-yep~!

OKAY, SO THEN,

I got home from Hooters, and went out with Rory, Aaron, Matt, and Jacob,

just the usual Denny's thing, it makes me really happy
Rory's ex-girlfriend was there, made it even more hilarious/awkward.

Good times, OOOOH good times.

Aaron left after Denny's..

So me, Matt, and Jacob ended up at Rory's house at like 1-2 AM somehow, and nothing really interesting happened...

just chillin'-ness

oh and he had a PURPLE VIOLIN

I'd of probably bought it off of him if it was a purple viola, though..!

oh and he played the Unicorns, which made me miss college more.

Good lord, I missed college so much over break

SOOOOO MUUUUCH!

Okay, so like,

for the actual intense shit.

:]

ONE DAY, I WAS ON FACEBOOK.

*dramatic intense shit pause*

*DUN DUN DUUUUUN*

Deeeeer... okay.

....

So yeah, I was on facebook, bein' a loser and chatting with people from college 'n stuff...

One of those people happened to be my friend at the time, Tanner

APPARENTLY, he liked me.

APPARENTLY, I was like

...wtf?

K so, see, this was an interesting concept for me,

'cause, like, my amazing friend Allyson had dated him before,

but... I said okay anyway...

'cause I figured it was worth a shot 'n stuff

and it was..!

So, he and I continued to talk quite a bit over break,

Actually, I think every night except for like, one...

I dunno, I don't remember all that well

Break mostly consisted of me trying to suppress boredom with freakin' Starcraft

(I totally beat it..!)

and, uh, music,

(Mark and Juliaaaa~ ♥)

and, uh, HOLYFUCKGOODLORDSOMUCHFAMILY,

and, uh, insane video chats

TokBox.... YEAAAAAAH BOYYY :]

K SO,

back to Tanner!

We decided it'd be fun to surprise the people in the lounge with our new relationship-type-thing...

and it would've been

...if the people in the lounge thought that the relationship-type-thing was a good idea...

....but they didn't.

THEN, I was a total jerk to my BFF in the whole wide world, Mark.

I like, cuddle-iled him...

Twice.

FUCCCCCCCCCCCCK I'M A BAD PERSON.

Ryan just got back from San Jose.

That makes me really happy!

WOOHOO

Ok, so

Yeah, I was a really bad person.

THEN, I went to the gym with the girls and we talked.

A lot.

A LOT LOT.

Intense talking, 'n stuff.

I ran a mile, too~!

(I love to work out :D)

Heeeeeeeeeey-o!

Anyway, after talking with the girls,

the most trusted, the best

the Kendal, the Julia, and uh, Mark was there

but most of the time he was just kinda... still mad at me for being a jerk

God, I felt so awful... :(

but!

Julia and Kendal said that it was probably a bad idea,

and I'd talked to Allyson earlier that night,

and she said it was a bad idea, too.

and I'm sure Allyson's a little biased, but I think she was just being straight up honest with me because we're friends

and that's kinda what friends do, 'n stuff.

I love her! :]

So, that was like, Thursday,

or something

then it was my birthday...

so I enjoyed the hell out of that

like, a LOT

Got hella days stoned with Ryan

went to College 9/10

and had a FEAST!

(More details lateeeeer!)

But anyway,

I'll say more later.

Later.

Yeppity-yep-yep!

Sort of Rant About My Mother

Soooo it's been a bit since I posted!

Beeeeennn a little bit busy.

Just a little.

...

Anyway, I'm chillin' at home, it's Christmas break and stuff.

Listenin' to some good mooski~ (♥ Julia & Mark)

ANYWAY, my Mom started giving me crap about how I'm such a jerk this morning...

Now see, I am very aware I can be one hell of a jerk sometimes.

She started yelling (read: blahblahblahblah) because there was some silly Christmas light display show on and she wanted me to look at the lights, and I told her I really didn't care about them...

She said things along the line of our usual "conversations" of how I should be nicer to her... how I wouldn't be so mean to my friends at school...

See, I am nice 90% of the time...

I really am... anyone who knows me pretty much is well aware of this fact.

But when someone comes at me, especially when that person has been coming at me for 18 freakin' yearrrs...

the nice Darlene sometimes goes away...

I'm sorry, but I have issues with listening to people who won't take two seconds out of their life to listen to me...

Every conversation I've had with my mother begins with:
-- "Hey Mom, I was doing this the other day and..."
-- "Oh I'm going to interrupt you now because I need to wallow in my own misery. My work sucks. I can't get out of my own head. I really don't give a flying fuck what happened to you unless I have to pay for it. Money is everything."

EVERY SINGLE TIME.

See, now that I've come out of my shell (more or less) coming back to Rancho has been one hell of an experience.

Meaning, I've been partying my ass off.

(and very much enjoying it :])

but, like,

I've been out past... let's just say midnight for the pst two or three days...

I wake up at 2 PM...

Wouldn't most parents be at least a little concerned?

See, my phone calls with my Mom consist of:

-- "Are you going to be home today?"
-- "Yes/no." (notice how it's irrelevant what I say)
-- "Ok."

It's really kind of sad...

I just wish she'd think of me a little more... I sort of feel like she should since she's my mother and all... I don't know...

Well, even if she thought about anything besides herself a little more, that'd be nice.

See, in Rancho, our budget crisis stuff has gotten so bad that some of the elementary schools are closing down, including the one I went to.

Cordova Lane is next, and I just kind of wanted to see if she knew what was going on.

So, I told her, but she was playing some silly game on the Wii... one of those games that requires like, minimal concentration so a conversation should have not been a big deal. At least, I'd think not.

It went like this:

"Hey Mom, did you know they're closing down Cordova Lane, isn't that pretty horrible?"
"Huh?"
*back to game*

I really like being ignored. It just makes my day SO MUCH BETTER.

I just don't understand how I'm the bigger jerk because I tell her straight up I don't care about something.

I dunno. Honestly is better than being ignored.

At least by telling her I don't care what's on TV, because TV is more or less retarded, I acknowledge what she's saying, and you know, the fact that she was speaking to me and maybe had something important to say.

I don't know. My mother just makes me so sad.

Reminds me of why I hate home...

It's not Rancho Cordova...

It's my terrible relationship with my mother.

~.~ Depressssssssinggg...

"Hella Days"

Hella days is something my brother says often,

like "hella" it makes no sense, whatsoever.

which is cool, 'cause this is Cali

and more importantly, Rancho Cordova

we go dummy hard here :]

Now, something that is hella days crazy

is basically very crazy...

See... it's just a variation of hella...

but it's HELLA DAYS.

tu as compris?

The language here is so colorful...
and by colorful... I don't know if I mean interesting,
or just plain stupid

"Hella days stupid"

XD