This is a Test

I need to make sure my blog posts don't automatically go to Google+. I don't use it and I don't really want them connected.
Once again, this is a test.

I am actually using two accounts to manage this blog now. I no longer use my old e-mail so my new one has the ability to make posts, but cannot edit the layout / settings. So I have to sign in and out constantly to make that work... ew.

So the goal is to make sure everything works on old e-mail before I just leave my new one signed in like usual. Yeah man. Computer life. Problems. Some real shit right here.

This is a Thing.

This is a post, on a new blog, by the same old person on a new e-mail.
Thanks for inspiring me to be thoughtful again.
Hopefully this will help, and bring great things for you to read!

I like the new layout. Fresh, clean, and full of bluebirds.

Everything that was posted in the past... I think 2012 and earlier, has received the "Pre-Bagel" tag. There's a whole lot that's happened since then! A whole, whole lot! Maybe I'll get into it one day but I think I'm going to take one step at a time here. Can't just spill everything on the first post back, right?

Gotta say, Blogger really stepped up its game. I really enjoy the new tools, but the same old basic simplicity.

Here's to hoping I really begin to chronicle my daily thoughts again.

UGGGGGH

Well, first of all, Blogger has a new style type thing. I don't really like it, but not because it's bad or less useful, but more because I didn't want Blogger to change. Oh well...

This morning, and recently, I got a swift kick in the ass reminding me of HOW MUCH people suck.

Like, seriously.

I've been meaning to post about this for a long time now, I guess, and I don't think I'm going to feel any better (or refrain from randomly going off on Jacob for no good reason) until I just fucking let loose and BE ANGRY at the people who've made me sad.

Well, not really angry. Just upset. Really, really, really upset.

First of all, I'mma address Ryan. Because this is the part that upsets me the most. I am really, really, really sad because of him. In Safeway the other week, I saw him for the first time in what feels like months. I think it was only one. See, the thing is, I haven't talked to Ryan in forever. Our last actual conversation was probably around his birthday (Feb 9th). And sometime in between then and now, he's gotten really, really angry at me and apparently can't even bring himself to talk to me, at all. Now, I'm not exactly sitting pretty here and saying I've tried, because I haven't. I just, like... am not actively trying to avoid him. I've refrained from speaking to Ryan so he can get over me. I know I hurt him. I know it sucks. I've always felt that the best way to get over someone is to be separate for a while, y'know? Give things time, come back, and be friends again. The first thing that Alec said when we got together was, "You guys better not ruin an awesome friendship." I didn't forget, Alec. I never did. :(
I really want things to be okay between me and Ryan, and on my side, they are. They always have been. This is just so shitty. I wouldn't act awkward around him, nor be mad at him, or anything. I think right now, though, I'd be a little upset, naturally, because of all of this hogwash bullshit...

I AM JUST SO SAD. SO, SO SAD.

None of this annoying losing friends bullshit was ever supposed to happen...

You know who follows me on Tumblr now, dear reader?
Julia. (and y'know, like Cory and Rayne and shit) That's it.
Dylan, Kendal, Tanner, and Ryan have all stopped.
Mark (never followed me in the first place...)
Dylan and Kendal got annoyed with me defending myself against Casey. Whatever. I mean, if they don't want to see me attempt to stand up for myself because it's long text, I guess I can understand. Besides, I probably won't ever see Dylan again. I'm totally okay with him moving on and stuff. No problem... Kendal is Kendal, and I feel like her not following me doing nothing to our friendship. The internet is just the internet, if I feel I need to actually communicate with her, or show her something, I just will. Whatevs.
Tanner probably hates me. Probably for good reason. lol
Mark is an asshole. Plain and simple. He is only selectively my friend. That's bullshit. I love him when he's my friend, but he is so mean to me all the time, and that's not how you treat your friends, bad day/mood or not. Dunno why I remain so hung up on him -- OH WAIT it's the fact that Mark has the potential to be one of the coolest people I've ever known, if he gets off of his pretentious ass high horse! RIGHT! Depressing.
Ryan has stopped following me twice. The first time was right after we broke up. Sure, s'cool, I understand. The second time... ??? WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?! I have no idea. When did I turn into this manipulative bitch, or otherwise such a negative person that he had to stop following me? I don't understand... o.O I mean, I should just talk to him, but Goddamn, at this point, I feel like I'll be talking to a wall, or get hung up on. He wouldn't even LOOK at me at Safeway. I tried to say hi, I was nice. I wasn't awkward. I wasn't all up on Jacob in his face. I EXPLICITLY tried NOT to post things about having a boyfriend on Tumblr so he wouldn't feel bad. I EXPLICITLY did not put Jacob as my boyfriend on Facebook for a long time SO RYAN COULD FEEL BETTER. UGH. I just don't understand. I am so angry and frustrated and I've been really depressed because I feel like friendships that shouldn't be crumbling are doing so. It's stupid. Pointless.
Casey has stopped following me, too, but her presence on Tumblr is very limited. She might've just felt that I was stupid one day and decided to unfollow me. Meh. I feel that Casey's opinion of me has a great ability to fluctuate, and if Ryan is upset with me, and spoke to Casey of it, I feel that her opinion of me would probably be lessened after said conversation. Whatevs, though. Casey and I are tight when she wants us to be. I've told her many a time that I'll support her if she supports me.

SO I pointed out Julia following me on Tumblr because Julia and I have had a rocky history ever since Halloween sophomore year. I don't really want to discuss that, but I do want to say that Julia has always treated me personally with respect, even after she felt that I wronged her. I will always appreciate that from her. I really, really, genuinely enjoy our one-on-one conversations, and hope that somehow we can really become friends again. I feel like I miss her, a lot, which is pretty weird, because somedays I can kind of care less about her.... maybe I shouldn't say that after saying nice things and shit, but... I'm being honest here, y'know? I just like, am really sad all of these stupid, insignificant things get in our way of talking about films or book or boys or anything awesome... Julia and I connect so well on an intellectual level, and I just love talking to her about anything... I miss lunch! I still think of Julia when I put sprouts on a sandwich... they are better than lettuce... unless they're all gross because they've been left out forever... stupid d-hall.

Hrrrrm. I think that's enough about me being angry. I'm really sorry if that was hard to read. I'm going for super stream of consciousness here, as I type, I'm spelling most things wrong, and I only really stop typing to auto-correct my spelling errors.

EITHER WAY: the good.

1. Kristina
I've developed a very odd but nice friendship with Kristina. I like it a lot, and I hope one day we can just like, hang out, and I can not be awkward. I'm always awkward. Damnit!

2. Tumblr Teacher, Eli
SO I was really sneaky a few Fridays back and went out for a walk outside. (C'mon people, do I ever go outside willingly?! XDD) Anyway, I met this person I'd been talking to on Tumblr, Eli. He's the Tumblr Teacher! Such a cutie! See, the thing is, meeting people from the internet is sketchy in its own. Sure, midday, sunny, and at the Squiggle isn't exactly the place for some person to abduct someone or something, but it's really hard to convince other people that meeting people from the internet doesn't always lead to death... so I lied to Rayne about just going outside. I'm sorry Rayne, I also just kinda didn't want to explain at the time. I also have not told anyone about this... because I do think he's cute, and oh my gosh, if he lived in Santa Cruz, the amount of up ons I would try to be... heh. Prolly shouldn't say that, either, because Jacob will more than likely read this, but whatever. Honesty is the theme of this post. Besides... I'll prolly just tell him I made a long blog post anyway. I can't keep my mouth shut about anything! XD But, but, but Jacobi, if you are reading this madness, I want to tell you, though I am attracted to this other person, I am in no way pursuing it. Right now, I am with you (and very happy!), and I am not going to change that. I am sorry my heart is so fleeting, but currently, I am controlling it. For you. :)
Hrm, um, anyway. I really like this person, and am totally chill with just being friends with him. Don't have to date every cute guy I meet..!

Hrm so um, I feel like I'm out of things to talk about now. I guess. I also feel like I have to go read some Descartes for Senior Seminar. We had class outside yesterday. LitBro is best bro! <3 <3 <3

Blah blah blah, guess I don't mind the new Blogger too much, I can still sit here and type like a madwoman.

-- End Blog Post --

The Need to Write!

SOOOOOOO today in 102!

I was thinking, since we were just going over Benjamin again,

Man, I really want to write about Vanquish. Hahahaha.

Then I laughed at how nostalgic, nerdy, and fantastic I am.

Then I laughed at Alex being passed out because he stayed up until 6 AM finishing our paper for the class.

What a goof!

Anyway, so like, I was all supppppper down to start writing again.

Then I realized: shit, bro, I don't have any time for this shit!

Eh. Not really. I think I'm more just scared that my writing will end up as bad like, FFXI fanfiction. I don't wanna do that.

I do not have a lot of time, though. I mean, that's sort of true.

Then again, I have the time right now to be writing this...

Let's stop talking about me and time, 'aight?

Hrm... so now yeah okay~!

Writing. I want to write about Vanquish as a set of short stories that kinda are a memoir. They'd be Memoirs of a White Mage. Hhahahahaa.

I don't know why I laugh at writing about FFXI and the people I met there so much... maybe it's because society finds internet relationships to be petty jokes and not real in any sense -- and the connotations that go along with playing a MMO are just freakin' crazy... as in crazy negative...

Maybe I'm still afraid to step out of my comfort zone.

Funny, I know that once I do, I can produce something amazing.

But maybe I'm just not ready for that yet. Maybe I'm not ready because I don't feel that I have the adequate brain time to use on writing. Shit, man, I'd prolly only be able to write like a few pages a day, if that. Y'know, providing I was in the right mood to be writing at all. Homan--

Either way, there's been a lot on my mind recently. I've been spending a lot of time with Jacob, and it's made me really relaxed, peaceful, and happy. Though I feel as if I am being selfish, because my communication with Ryan has dropped substantially this week. I hope he doesn't think that I all of a sudden think ill of him -- as his crazy brain might do -- I just am like, happy as I am right now and am too selfish to want to change any of that at the moment.

Then again, why should I ever change my plans if they involve me being less happy? :/ Right?

Man. Everything is so crazy right now. Well, everything forever is crazy. That's just kinda how life is....

Tonight the Stellar Corpses are playing at the Catalyst. I don't think I'm going. I just like, won't feel right there. I'm not a psychobilly type of girl, y'know? I don't even know how to type the word correctly. I think the culture is cool, and I really appreciate it, but I'm not the type of person who can participate in a mosh pit -- even if it's the nicest most pit that ever existed! I can't deal with physical discomfort very well. It really affects my thinking and thought processes... no bueno, dude.

Also tonight: Silly Creature is playing at Kresge Town Hall aka 2 feet away from my apt. I haven't seen r00b, Nate, or Keyhan for a long time, and I'd really like to show those guys that I still enjoy Silly Creature, and that I support them! Besides, I'm also contemplating wearing my fish net shirt to the show to mess with Rubino. Hahahaha.

Oi, everything ever. Again. Everything ever in my head. Did you know I can write for days, dear blogger? I think you do, but sometimes, when my archive looks thin, I think you question my ability to write. I do too, though, so, maybe all of this thinking is kinda pointless. Maybe I should write a book all in stream-of-consciousness. That'd be really cool. It'd also prolly contain a lot of typos. Can I use spellcheck if I'm typing in stream-of-consciousness? Hahahaha. I think what I'm writing now is kinda stream-of-consciousness, and I used spellcheck to spell consciousness correctly... so... I guess it counts. Meh. Dunno. Too philosophical for me at the moment!

Erg so like later, I really want to write a super-awesome and long blog post about that teacher that I tried to get to know on Tumblr. I have no idea why he didn't respond to me. He prolly either thinks that I'm some goob ass undergrad without a brain OR doesn't actually have the time for a social life. I'm gonna give him the benefit of the doubt, because he is a teacher, and a very devoted teacher, so I think it is plausible that he could've had something more important to do than to chat with some random person on Tumblr. I just wish that he would've talked to me... I think he's so cool and smart and awesome and just like! Ugh. I would like to talk to someone who's just ahead of me in life so baaaaaaaaaad. I mean, the fact that he's adorable as shit doesn't bother me at all, either, but still. I'm not looking for a relationship right now. There's kinda one smacking me in the face currently. Oi. To be fair, I don't know if smacking is the right word to use. It implies that I'm not happy, or am like, forced into my current relationship situation. And I'm not. I do what I want. Like forever. Forever forever. Did you know that I freaking love language? Gosh, it's like the most interesting thing eveeer! But, then again, I prolly love the study of literature more. I dunno. I wonder what Tanner got on his paper. I'm really curious. Because I'm a bad person. Oh well.

Saturday night kinda sucked. It's a good thing this weekend has arrived now, though, because I think it's about to be a good one!

Also: heard Steve was more... of not my type of person. Interesting. Still willing to investigate, but like, significantly less interested in anything with him. I guess that's what the investigating is for, right? Hah!

Man. I keep talking about all of these things and people floating around and around and around in my head, but I never seem to talk about the things that are really, really important to me. Oh well. I don't know if I'm okay with my heart and soul on the internet -- just my brain works a lot better for me.

But wait. Is my brain my heart and soul? OH SHIT PHILOSOPHICAL QUESTION TIMEEEEE

Oi, man, everything ever. Everything ever. Abbey is coming over on the 25th. I'm really excited to see her and how she's grown over the past few years. I think she's an incredible young lady, and never, ever gives herself enough credit for how far she's come. I guess that's where I come in, eh? :D

We're gonna watch Velvet Goldmine. It has Ewan McGregor naked in it. Hahahaha. 'Cause, y'know, I totally watch movies for a single aesthetic moment. Whatever. lol  I really hope I can get Kim to come over, too, because Goddamn I miss her. She's the freaking best.

UGGGGGGH. Could write forever. Forever and ever.

Whatevs.

I think I'm done for now. My brain isn't functioning as I'd like it to be to continue.

Don't ask me why -- 'cause I don't wanna think about it.

But then again, blogger, you don't ask me questions... you just sit here and allow me to fill you with my thoughts. So non-judgmental. I love it.

Meh. Ta-ta for now, motherfucker!

Back to Being Okay With Readers!

Honestly. I like my blog having stats.
It makes me happy. I like to know that not just my friends read my stuff.

/shrug

Do You Know How to Double Entendre?

There's gonna be a lot of 'em coming up in the next blog posts.
You might understand where they are
but do you understand what they mean?

Or maybe there won't be any.

And you'll just be sitting there, thinking, wondering, and being like:
How do I even spell Darlene?

And I'll be sitting here, chuckling to myself, because I am a master of double entendres.

New URL

Changed my site's URL. I want to post freely again. There will be no more links to Tumblr or Facebook to my blog.

It's time to start anew, my blogging friend!

So, It's Been a While.

I've more or less dropped out of the blogging scene as of late, and there's only one reason I can give for my absence: I'm happy.

Yes, this is probably going to end up being a sappy post about how much I love Ryan.
If you're not down with that, you might as well stop following my blog now, because there's gonna be a lot about Ryan in the next... however long we're together or so. All I gotta say is, in life, food, school, and my boyfriend are pretty much the most important things to me. My family too, y'know, but I'm not as close to my family as most of the other people I know. Shit I forgot to mention my friends -- man I'm a bad person sometimes, but hell, half the time I consider ya'll family anyway... meh... gonna stop talking about crap that doesn't need to be said...

Well, anyway... I just wanted to stop in a post a little something. See, I've got this issue where I need to blog at least once a month, because I want my archive to make sense. When I first started blogging, there were a few months were there were no posts for that month, and now I am upset with that because I like my archive to look pretty. Blogging and how my blog looks is srs buisness.

I sort of feel some reflection upon my life might be good, anyway. I guess I just got tired of it, or because I'm not lonely anymore, I didn't feel the need to talk to the world about the normal nonsense of my life. Actually, being with Ryan makes me want to keep it more private, because he's more private. Also, keeping it more private than I usually am about relationships makes me treasure the little things we do together so much more... and man, let me tell you, we are fucking cute, and we are a couple that is gonna last for quite some time.

Gonna put a random sidenote in here: if anyone thought that I was a rebound for Ryan, you are dead fucking wrong. Yes, we did get together right after Brytnny -- that doesn't mean he's using me, and that doesn't mean a fantastic relationship can't bloom out of an utter failure of one.

Hrm. I also wanna say that I really hope nobody has doubted my ability to be in a relationship. My relationship with Tanner was a disaster, and mine don't usually go like that. Furthermore, until the end of last year, my time with random boys was also quite horrid. Shit, Ryan figured out he cared about me the way he does now because I was so damned upset all the time because of other... boys. Stupid boys. Hah.

It's still a little awkward running into them. I hope they're doing well, though, and no hard feelings. For realsies.

I also wanna talk about Jocab Victario a little bit. He's been really, really good, and a lot less clingy than I thought he was gonna be. He's in the transfer building, making friends, doing his own thing. I'm really happy for him, but his recent happiness makes me worry that he's gonna ditch me for better people. And if he does, well, I kinda deserve it, but whatever. I'm just really glad his life doesn't suck anymore, and that UCSC worked a little magic in his favor.

I did a lot of thinking over the summer about friends. I'm just gonna leave that at that. Not really negative thinking, as that statement implies, but I am a little upset about one little incident over the summer that in all reality, did not concern me in the least.

Meh, I'ma talk about what made me upset over the summer...

Cory's birthday.

How could you guys ditch her? Like, seriously? I understand that Bouset had to go home, but you guys didn't want to come back to celebrate ever for a little with Cory? You didn't even have birthday cake... I'm sorry, guys, but ditching Cory on her birthday after she moved the date of her party so you guys could come down was kinda on the fucked up end. Well, it's mostly fucked up because the same night ya'll went to someone else's house and had a party.

Not to mention Tanner & Brytnny. WHOA. That was interesting.

Ah hell man, I guess this reflection stuff is pretty sweet. I guess. I kinda need to do more reading for Shakespeare, though. Stupid damned Lit classes with all their readings! HAH

I really hope nobody has taken offense to anything I've posted tonight. I'm not calling anyone a bad person/friend or anything, just stating some opinions.

And, uh, before I go, I want to note that this actually didn't turn into a OMG I LOVE RYAN SO MUCH post. Though I totally love him so much :)

There's Always So Much I Want to Say

but somehow, I can't seem to just sit down and blog right now. It's annoying. I like blogging. :(

In other words: I am so happy to be in a relationship again! Everything is fan-fucking-tastic. ♥

I Swear to Freaking God

There will be real blog posts. Soon. Maybe soon? I don't know. But there are things that need discussing. DISCUSSION IS REQUIRED GODDAMNIT! Where are you Janet omg omg omg omg omg D: SLUUUUUT NOT YET GIVE HER TIME . . . Argh. Seriously. My brain right now is just a jumble of men, fishnets and Lady Gaga. Also: orgies. What the fuck? I'm so tired. So tired. Fem studies reading can die in a fire! I don't know how I feel about anything and everything at the same time. Next weekend is going to be batshit insane. More insane than everything ever that I could imagine. I think. I also think it might be one of the best weekends ever. I'm really excited to see UAWS again. It's been too long since I rocked out with my cock out. :D Rocky cast party is going to be the fucking shit, but I don't think I'm going to get to take the person I want to... small sacrifice, though! It's not like I wouldn't do anything to make things cheel anyway. I'd do anything. Hah. Haha. Hahaha. I'm so fucking cracked out and insane right now. You can tell by the not organized train of thought, right reader-friend person thing? Good lord. Good lord, good lord. I'm just a jumble. A hot mess jumble and I have every right to be. But I'm also incredibly happy. And incredibly grateful for peach milkshakes. I fucking love peaches. Anyway, dude. Dude, anyway. There's going to be so much to talk about soon, my friendly friend bloggin' buddies. There's so much happening right now, but I can't post anything about it, yet. I'm really excited, though. And I think you guys will be, too.

I really love you all more than you think.

xoxo foreva,

meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee <3

Ana's Been Reading My Blog!

Nananananananananananaaa

♥

Silly woman. :)

Here Is!

A good example of what I was talking about in, uh, the post 'bout Tumblr pictures...



Old beauty vs new beauty... crazy shit...

Blogger

...will always be better. More freedom to do what I want...

Though, I did sorta make a tumblr -- so that I can link a RSS feed to it, so other people can be less lazy and read my junk while procrastinating, too!

'Til I see some RSS feedin' goin' on, though, my tumblr link is nonexistent.

Embarrassed.

Embarrassed 'bout the blog.

So I'm bloggin' about it.

SO META!!!

...

Or functionally retarded, but that's for you to decide! :D

Can Has Comments Again

blahblah post title yay

EXCEPT

THAT SHIT AIN'T PERFECT WHITE. FUCK THAT. NEEDS TO BE WHITE SO MY BANNER BLENDS INTO THE BACKGROUND. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.

BACK TO THE NORMAL BLACK THING BECAUSE I THINK I STILL LIKE IT THE BEST. BLOG HAS LOTS OF COLOR, SO BACKGROUND IMAGE TYPE STUFF DOESN'T NEED TO BE.

STILL TYPING IN CAPS. OMG. WTF. BBQ. SO MANY BBQS. I LOVE BBQ SAUCE.

SAUCESAUCESAUCE OMG SAUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCE

x.x I need to sleeeeeeep

ADD.

CHANGED BACKGROUND AGAIN. FELT LIKE PINK. LIKE ZEBRAS.

QKDIWSUBFKSJDNBGWIUFRNV NOT GONNA GET TO TALK TO WILL, HAS TO SLEEP.

SAD.

W;PDKNMGW9IREUOHTNBKESFNFVKAH48TIWHTG

Administration

Not allowing anonymous comments for a bit, rather angry and need to make sure that contact is not made.

Goodbye~

Fuck Your Tumblr!

A real blog is cooler.

Blog Posts are Super Necessary.

They will happen... soon... maybe?

I'm naked.