"Beatiful People" on Tumblr - Thoughts

Many a person on Tumblr spams my dashboard with many a photo of a "Beautiful person" and while I'd agree that the photos they post of people are quite nice, and quite attractive, for some reason, they bother me. They gnaw at my brain. They make me uncomfortable. And this morning, I finally figured out why.

These "beautiful people" are simply photos. That's it. Nothing about who they are, what they do, their interests, their talents, their dreams...

Is the girl pictured about beautiful because her hair's red? Because she's wearing thigh high socks? Because her face is very pretty and well made-up? Is she pretty because she's the idea of "different"? Why, of all the pictures of people, did you post this one? By posting this picture, what are you saying about yourself? Are you wishing you could look like her? Are you wishing you were different, like her? What are you trying to promote? What are you saying about her?

You know how to be different? Be yourself. Everyone is unique and special -- don't let idiotic conceptions of beauty destroy who you are. I'm blonde, with blue eyes, white as fuck, and I know I'm different. I look totally fuckin' normal, not special in any way, and yet, I'm beautiful. (Fuck yeah Lady Gaga, anyone? Born This Way premiered today! XD) Sure my face is scarred from the years of acne I've endured, but fuck man, does that really matter? I freak the fuck out about my face because I feel ugly, due to society that we live in. Scars aren't pretty, therefore I'm not pretty. Fucking bullshit. This world is God damned stupid. Haha. If the world saw more in people than the way they look, I'd of never felt awful about myself for the last... what, 7 years? I don't get a chance to show people who I am, because I'm so damn worried they won't even communicate with me because I'm simply too ugly. I don't have to wear weird clothes or dye my hair crazy colors to know I'm different, sure, I can understand the reasoning behind "Man, my hair looks fucking cool with a purple streak in it," but ugghhh... rage rage rage... I really, really, hate people's idea of beauty, and people who post on Tumblr just promote the shit out of the idea. Soooooo disturbing to me...

One can run around promoting how different they are, or they can just be different. 

One can run around promoting how much of a nice guy he is, or he can just be a nice guy.

Actions people, actions. They speak so much more.

How can someone be considered beautiful if they're just an image? Just a photo? What if the person in said picture is posing to make a few extra bucks to fund her crack addiction as her baby daddy struggles to feed the newborn she's too fucked up to take care of? Is she still beautiful? I'm sorry, but I beg to differ... looks aren't everything, people.

Also: photoshop. lol.

Furthermore, there's no stories behind these pictures. They're shallow. One-dimensional. And they promote a very crude and limited sense of beauty. Being beautiful is so much more than nice tits and an ass... ARRRGGGHHH

Now, when I get drunk, one of the most common things I utter is, "Look at all the beautiful people." And most people would say because I'm drunk, the phrase means a whole lot less. I once again, beg to differ. I feel like I'm most honest when my walls are down, and alcohol breaks 'em down real fast...

Anyway, I'ma point out somethin' real quick like:
I usually say "Look at all the beautiful people" around my closest friends, the ones I truly know are beautiful - while we're dancing, chillin' around a hookah, playin' Apples to Apples, having awesome drunk moments, or simply watching a Giants game. Then again, I believe that there's at least one thing about a person that makes them beautiful... so... euh. It's not uncommon for me to say something of the sort on say, a dance floor. Oh but I can explain that! Dancing is something that is very personal, even if it's just flailing... people can express themselves through dance, and that's why a bunch of dancing people is beautiful! They're expressing something of themselves to everyone else, and how can anyone scoff at that? How can that not be beautiful? Dance, especially drunk dancing, is a very raw form of human expression... a unique expression of one's self... Yeah! (I sometimes say "Look at all the beautiful people!" to make KendalKorn giggle, too, 'cause for some reason she's super amused by it... :]) 

Anyway! I didn't say it once this last party -- because I didn't freakin' know anyone there. (Also: not drunk? Dunno if I said it [in the context I'm writing of] at the party before this, but uh... yeah, here's a loop in my argument!) XD Party was weird as fuck, I got creeped on, and I got to spend maybe a fraction of my time there with my actual friends, because they were too busy freakin' the fuck out about the random ass people who showed up who ended up getting pretty sick... ugh... worries + booze = not happy.

I also have a "Beautiful Man Wall" here in my room, which I'd think most people would consider a flag for "Hey, you don't give a fuck about beauty!" Why do I think they're beautiful? I've watched every single person on my wall. Most are from movies, or Matt Bellamy... I've got an image of them, and their personalities in my mind. They're not just a body... not just an image of what I consider "attractive." While I'm kind of aware that Johnny Depp is kind of an asshole, the roles he plays (the Mad Hatter, Captain Jack) are what I associate his personality with, so y'know, it's a little off, but yeah... I think my point has been made...

Shit man I don't even know... I gotta go eat breakfast...

I'm just glad I figured out why these pictures bother me. They're attractive (these chicks are def hot, I'm not arguing against what they look like at all!), not beautiful. Beauty is so much more than a picture on Tumblr. Stupid materialistic world... stupid stupid stupid... rageragerage

I feel like I can write about Derrida now. Hello, thinking mood.

SO HUNGRRRRYYY XDD

Thanksgivins! :DD

Ooooooooh man, what a GOOD BREAK.

Get home Weds around like, 8. Did nothing. Only boring day of break... hah

Turkey Day: went to some neat ass hotel built in the 1800s in Volcano. Ate hella good food. Had an exceptional time with Mom, Marc & Waylon... Went to Denny's with Matt, Chris, and Jacob. Had a grilled cheese filled with mozzarella sticks dipped in cheese sauce. HomyGod, delicious heart attack, go! Went to Rory's to say hi after. Watched Aaron dance. (HE'S SO WHITE ♥ XD) Enjoyed self until random douche dude and his friend showed up. Left and went to sreeps.

Black Friday: went to the outlets. Made out like a bandit. Prolly spent too much money. Bought pants that didn't fit. URRRGH! Had an awesome time with the BFF, Cindy. Missed her so much. Went back to her place for a bit, said hi to the wonderful Specert family, and then went out for delicious delicious sushhhiis! 11 people showed. (Me, Jacob, Bree, Chelsea, Aaron, Matt, Chris, Ryan Miller, Matt Smolich, Ryan's sister Rachel, & Dean!) I felt super special. Ryan Miller's sister is a SLUG! We had a great time chatting about UCSC-esque things. Super happy. Love the neon lights and glittery purple post things that hold up the ceiling. Awesome times were had. People left sushis and went off to party. Smolich, Jacob and I went back to his place and played some Crystal Chronicles. Boob Squad > life. Really glad I finally got to meet Smolich, he's hella cool. Chris showed up at Jacob's later and MineCrafted his heart out. The entertainment, it was so intense. Passed out around 2.

Saturday: went to Sunrise Mall to get my hair done. My hair person is the greatest, ever. I've got to learn how to drive for her. Haircut is hella cute! Mom bought me my Christmas present early -- a purple and black plaid skirted peacoat. Yeah motherfucker, it's awesome. :D Went back to Pac Sun to return jeans that didn't fit, got three pairs (instead of two) for twenty dollars more, and fell in love with the store's manager. Hella good deals yaaay! AND NOW I HAVE PANTS THAT FIT. OMG. Got home around 3-ish, I think, and finished Logan's friendship bracelet. Then went sock shopping with Jacob... ate delicious delicious pizza at Cheeser's, then Chris met up with us. We all went back to Jacob's, watched some anime... and then Aaron showed up. After, went to Taco Bell. Did not eat Taco Bell. Then went to go pick up Matty out of butt-fuck nowhere. Srsly. Got kind of car sick on the way, and it took about an hour. You're lucky we love you so much, Matty! Went back to Jacob's. Matt and Chris left to get cars/controllers. Aaron watched Jacob play MineCraft, I went through Matt's iPod pictures. Midnight. Matt and Chris return with their bounty. We Vesperia. We destroy balloons. WE PULL OUR HAIR OUT TAKING RIDICULOUS ORDERS AT 3 IN THE FUCKING MORNING. We are rewarded with French maids and kitty cat costumes. Victory is achieved. Vesperiaing continues until 4:30 AM. Pass out at about... 5:30 AM.

Tales of Vesperia!

Sunday: Wake up around noon, fuck that shit, wake up again around 1:30. Had a dream about a boy. (!) Shower, dress, internet, 4:00. Go shopping for foods for potluck with Jacob. Buy salad and green beans. Make green beans at home, add salt and pepper and make them amazing! Watch a little terrible television, and head out to College Group. Arrive at College Group, proceed with hella days hugs and greetings. SO HAPPY TO SEE EVERYONE! Chat while the finishing touches and other stuff goes on. Play with Charlotte ♥. Eat the fuck out of some turkey, after saying grace of course! HAH! Eat the fuck out of some lemon custard pie. Dean is the greatest. Make postcards for poor 10 year old girl with terminal cancer. Feel good about possibly making her life a little more happier. Give more hugs, roll out. Home. End of break.

It was good. So good. :]

Can't wait to get back to SC tomorrow and see my beautiful people there. I feel weird not seeing some people for more than like, 12 hours. Like... y'know, the ones that live in my house? ♥

Gonna make Cory's bracelet tomorrow on the train. Prolly won't finish it, but it'll be done before winter break!

Passin' the fucccck out soon, gotta get up at 7:30... :/

Nighty, blog!

Mooski #14 Yeah x3 - Chris Brown

Don't really care about the song a whole lot, but a person I know from high school is one of the main back-up dancers, and that's really cool. He's also the white kid doing the back flips. WTF.

Fuck yeah Kyle Cordova. Makin' Rancho not look like hell! :)



Oh and the kid like, "Look it's Chris Brown!" HELLA cracks me upp!

Darlene is Fucking Pissed.

Well shit, I sure know myself well.

I told you I'd more than likely be angry in the morning, right?

I sure wasn't kidding!

K now: Hello rant! Commence! Begin! Let the mother fucking river flow.

I am incredibly angry.

Do you realize what you did to me last night? You took advantage of the situation, you were so God damned freaking selfish. ARGHHH

I am so upset. I wanted to have a good night. And I WAS HAVING AN EXCELLENT NIGHT.

Who the hell are you to dictate my life? MY LIFE.
Who are you to judge the people I'm interested in?

Why didn't I give you a chance? BECAUSE I WASN'T INTERESTED IN YOU. DUH.

The last time I gave someone a chance that I wasn't completely interested in turned into a disaster. Luckily, he and I can still talk and be friends, but that's all I ever see for us. Friends. He just doesn't get it enough to be more than that to me. And I'm so glad I realized that soon enough for us to prolong our friendship. I enjoy it, quite a bit.

Fuck I'm so pissed because you have been dictating my life. I've pitied you to the point where I just freaking feel bad so I keep this going.

Now I'm mad. Genuinely pissed the fuck off.

Chris was right, Mr. Victoria. This needs to end. You need to spend time away from me and heal again. You need to leave me the fuck alone, sir. You're making both of us miserable. YOU ARE KILLING ME. I wanted to relax and have fun this summer. You're not allowing that to happen. You're burdening me with so many damned depressing horrible things. I've been dealing with my own depressing shit all year long, and that's driven me to near insanity. I just wanted to be around someone who I can just be happy with. You don't always have to delve into your or your friend's soul to attain happiness. Some things are better left unsaid. Cry about them later, at whatever time and place you see fit. I no longer want to deal with stupid horrible ugly unhappiness. I deserve to be happy, and being happy is a choice. You can choose to be happy. To ignore the ugly of the world, and appreciate the things that are good and simple. GOD DAMN I AM JUST SO ANGRY. Straight up DARLENE MOTHER FUCKIN' RAGE. Ugh. I'm so upset. Breaking in two. I tried my best. I did. I wanted things to be better. Should have just listened to Cindy. All I wanted was to make friends that were worthwhile, because I know and believe that a lot of people are. I want to get to know people better... I want to have a group of friends at home again. I'm not just home to be your personal pet friend type thing. God I'm so mad. SO MAD. You're preventing all of this, and additionally, killing me slowly. I've not cried like that in years, and the last time I cried like that in front of a person was prolly right before the eighth grade. Fuck you for taking advantage of me. For bringing this monster out of me. I want you to go away. Just go away. Right now being alone is better than this. Fucking hate emotions. They're God damned retarded and stupid. I don't know if I want you to actually go away, but you better get the freaking point: YOU DO NOT DICTATE MY LIFE. Stop making me feel bad. I just want to smile for a while, is that so bad? If I am going to make a mistake, let me make it. I'm sorry it's not good for you, but it's not like I'm going off to do lines every night or something. I'm just interested in a guy who isn't you.

I Kind of Miss

FFXI.

Why?

'cause the real world is no damn better.

There's still assholes here that will do anything, walk over any person, whatever, to get what they want. "Gear" is just defined differently in the real world.

It's fucking pitiful. Ugh. I see why Rubino just hates people.

Even if I was staring at a screen all day,

more times than none, I was happy.

and if not happy -- I was at least bored.

Now... most of my days are mediocre at best...

and still boring.

and I can't craft IRL! FUCK! XD

I really liked to make money.

and pizza.

so much pizza.

YUUUMM.

Blarrggg. Hella days in a slump.

Too confused to come out of it, too.

:( Sadface.

BUT! I am going to the Distant Worlds concert with Jacob this summer.

That'll be freakin' awesome.

Butterfly

Screw this. I'm not writing this. This story is just so pitifully sad, and makes David look like such a God damned bitch, that I don't want to ruin his reputation. He's a good guy and someone who is very talented. If he ever needs to network over the internet I don't want to fuck up anything for him. He's also a bitch. But I do care about him enough to want to help him not be such a bitch, but I don't know if he will let me know him well enough to let help him. He's very stubborn and hardheaded. That + being a bitch = bad combo for getting help.

Oh well. That's David's story.

I wish I could help. I want him to be happy in his life.

I was always hoping that I could tell David's story on here, as a story of self-recognition and stuff.

But I don't know if I'll ever be able to help the boy.

Sadness. That's all this story is.

Hopefully it'll change.

For his sake.

Colllllllld

"Will you take care of me?"
"You're none of my business."

Well, he def doesn't like me :( lol

>.< "You guys are doing laundry? That's freakin' awesome." "Do you need to do any? It'll be fun! Laundry party woooo!" "No, not really." /backtozombie Way to not even fucking look at me, David

... I hate boys

Sennate

Hello cute boy, how are you doing?

..!

ZOOOOMG CUTE BOOOOY

*ALARM*

ringringringringring

IN OTHER NEWS:

DAVID ATE DINNER WITH US LAST NIGHT!

...then proceeded to be whisked away by his B5 North "friends."

...I'm gonna hurt those 'lil beezys one day~ fuck you Sub-Free Hall!!

It's gonna be so awesome when David finally comes out of his shell...

He's gonna be even more fun!

Wooohooooo :]

Astronomy midterm today! SCURRRY.

But, I am prepared.

& I am happy.

Developments II

First of all - giving up on David

Silly boys make me cry...

NOW: D E V E L O P M E N T S!

Michael Rubino has someone at home?

...what?

↑ My mind fucking exploding.

Has he been lying to the WHOLE 5th floor?

HOLY FREAKIN' SHIT!

The intensity, it is so intense.

What a fabulous plot twist!

Hrrrm... Sweedish guy in Econ is kinda cute, but he smells funny...

THE SEARCH CONTINUES!

dundunduuuuun

PS: I love Juila, Noms with her are soooo delicious!
& Allyson brought me fresh undies ♥
I love her, too.

Developments

Michael Rubino doesn't hate me

David is very afraid of change

Ryan is hilarious high

Pranov is really drunk

...Senate is really cute

MARK IS SUPER COOL!! :]

That is all. Sleepy time.

(Please be ok Pranov >.<)

The New Players

...to be written/updated later/periodically

Kim - Roomate: She likes boys, baking, and taking care of people. I love her.

Lia - Roommate: Mostly quiet, only went to two years of high school, but super cool

Noa - Roommate: "Dude just chill." Likes weed and music... plays guitar and sings at Open Mic Night sometimes... she's wonderful

Ryan - New BFF #1: in a band called "Rockit Zombies" (Battle of the Bands Finalist) AMAZING TALENT. Great guy with pretty hair... but his love of music is my favorite thing about him... plays upright bass

Pranov - New BFF #2: short Indian guy who loves music like Ryan... sweet, caring guy who needs to not smoke... :P Shared a giant milkshake with him~ was sick for the rest of the night :] Really ridiculously funny... plays clarinet

Allyson - crazy girl who loves Unicorns and who is dating Tanner: I love her... she doesn't like clothes

Juila - music goddess~ Juila makes my days brighter

Rayne -

Tanner

David... (grumble)

Asher

Cooper

Mark

Marc

Casey

Liz

Joe

Miguel

Michael R.

Dylan

Michael B.

Zach

College 8 Kid - Guy who is really super sweet and likes violas... wants me to play in the dining hall when my hand is better...

The "Other" Ryan - guy with a baby face and nice hair...met him at Late Night Noms w/Pranov... I'd like to get to know him more

Kyle from College 8 - random guy I ran into at Brunch... his face reminds me of Jason... pretty chill guy... hope I run into him again...

Econ Guy - cute-ish guy I keep running into in Econ... potential for good things

Marco - Awesome amazing instructor for Porter Core

Rhiannon - IA for Porter Core: adorable, sweet, smart

Analisa - girl from the bathroom... really nice

Kristen - other girl from the bathroom... also really nice

Cameron

Chick w/the Viking Hat

Michael G.

Trevor

Shannon

Giles

Melody

Shirtless Guy

British Jon from Crown

People Who Post Angry Things Anonymously...

...are annoying.

At least have the balls to actually tell people who you are. We're all online. Nobody is gonna come kill you 'cause you don't like someone over the internet. Grow up, be a man/woman! Damn scrubs.
Posting anonymously just makes you look like a 5th grader who can't take anything they've dished out.

Happy 1 Year Anniversary!

I must say, it is such a wonderful day.

This goes out to my favorite couple, Ellatrix & my own Gomer :]

Congrats on a one year...

...

divorce?

Oh right, one of you is a giant *bleeped for my "innocence"*

and not like the kind you'd find in on of the ladies from Sex and the City's dreams--

the kind you'd throw up on the sight of.

Let's not get into descriptions.

TEEHEE :3

I guess they didn't sign a Prenup saying that one could steal the other's character if so desired.

Dang, that's pretty intense.

♥ Calvin XD

KilyeRant

Not about Ellatrix... for once :]

Though he is an asshole, always and forever!

THE SPIRT OF ADD WHM HOMYGOD XD XD !

'kay, done.

...with that part

SO last night was Awards Night at school, right?

Awards for people who do things that are good, scholarships etc?

RIGHT?!

Not for people who kiss so much ass their noses are literally red because they've gone into the digestive system?

Oh no, you'd be wrong~!

It's a sad damn thing when people who can't even play a Violin get an Orchetra award over people who can play a Viola (not me here XD) or a Cello much, much better and who may actually even continue on playing in college.

WHAT A FREAKIN' CONCEPT!

I'm very dissapointed in my teacher's decision.

Like frsrsly, angry.

Grrr D:

Our Valedictorian is also about as fake as they come, freakin' lame, but I don't care too much on that one.

...not too much.

The Saluditorian is my BFF, I ♥ him.

Anyway, the pure irony of the world cracks me up, 'cause we were talking about no matter how hard you work, the person kissing ass is always going to be one step ahead of you.

I can't remember if it was in Hamlet, or in Arellano's class, but oh the irony, oh the drama...

I guess I just sit here and wish and hope that someday hard work will be rewarded... and those with brown noses can be where they belong, in the dumpster with the rest of the garbage...

It'll be funny when they step out into the real world and realize that your boss doesn't give a crap if you gave him a framed picture of yourself, he just wants the job done.

(Giving a framed picture of yourself to your boss is creepy btw)

Wooow... :O

EndRant /

StartGood

Yay I got a French Award!
...and the pity Orchestra Award ._.

le sigh.

Dilema Solved

Looks like its 'Tek or nothing.
Hm, kinda figured things would work out this way...

duckHUNT is cool, but I was right

'Tek would be more of a home for me...

The people are cool and all... but I dunno...

Anyway I now have a new dilema:

Do I even apply to Magitek? lol

Losing time with Packer would be terrible.

Seriously, talking about the end of the world here...

Pecker > all, always!

I don't know! Back to research

Besides, I need to get the skinny on every LS before I make a choice :]!

I also learned today that Ephram is 17 years old and is from Colombia
...that guy is freaking crazy.

Maybe I'll talk to Trey more

I'd really like to join 'Tek but I just have to make an informed decision

No more insanity!