So Apparently I REALLY Needed to Write More!

Man oh man, last night was a freaking disaster. Hahhahaha.

My brain still hurts from how bad it was. Ho-lee shit, dude.

There wasn't even time for anyone to awkwardly hit on anyone there were so many crying women and people and everything ever hoooomaaaaaaaan

Anyway, so, um, title ^

Apparently I needed to explain what the fuck and how I feel about things

I want to say something, though, before we get into this:

1. I never wanted to explain any of this. I might still not. Everything between me, Ryan, and Jacob is our own business, isn't it? Why should everyone know everything ever about what's going on? Why can't people just see that he, I, and Jacob are okay, and then mind their own damn problems?
2. Your opinion doesn't matter. I don't give a flying fuck about how you feel about the situation. I'll ask you if I want to hear your opinion. If not, keep it to yourself. A huge factor in everyone having a bad night last night was people putting things into Ryan's head. Jacob, Ryan, and I all went into last night looking to have a good time. It didn't happen, and it's not on us, guys. If everyone had not had something to say on the matter, Ryan would have been fine, and then he wouldn't have said things to make me upset.
3. If you don't understand the context of the situation or the people involved, it's really hard for you to make an opinion I'll actually consider listening to. 
4. I am not dragging Ryan nor Jacob through the dirt. Ryan and I are over. He's having a hard time dealing with his emotions right now. That doesn't mean I'm dragging him through the dirt. In fact -- I am doing the opposite by telling him he can still rely on me for emotional support. 'Cause, y'know, friends fucking do that shit for each other, right? It's also not my fault that he hasn't attempted to talk to me as much as he wants to. He can learn to ask for help, because I'm not going to sit here and baby him anymore. I know he's hurt, but it's time for him to man up and either ask for help or solve his own problems. Nobody is gonna do it for him. The hardest of times are the best to be a fucking bad ass. 
5. Jacob and I are dating. I've already let him know that if I want to date somebody else, I will. He believes it. It scares the shit out of him, and that kinda sucks. But the fact of the matter is: I really want some freedom right now. He knows that and respects it. It's fine. There's absolutely no reason why we can't enjoy each other right now, though, because I'm not interested in anybody else right now, and what people fail to understand about me and Jacob is that we've always had this bonkers-crazy close relationship. We're just like, being more romantic about our emotions, y'know? So what if I like him. I do. It's okay, and if you think not, please see #2 again.
6. You don't know Jacob. Stop having opinions of him until you actually know him. It's like talking about an interpretation of a book without actually reading it. You look like a Goddamn asshole. He's been here for a quarter and a half and most of ya'll have only seen him a few times and read his blog. There's a lot more to him than ya'll think. So quit, it, please?
7. Nothing is simple. There is no simple solution to anything. We all must work through making everything better, together. Divisions will only make us weak.
8. Fucking talk to me if you have an issue or want something cleared up. Don't sit there and ponder over thoughts you're unsure of. It's just a bad idea.

Well, that's all I'm saying for now. Don't feel like more at the moment.

Also: I'm not mad at anyone. Last night was just such a damn fail for all kinds of stupid reasons.

ALSO ALSO: Kendal, thank you for taking care of Ryan on Friday. He ultra-appreciated it, and I do too. <3

I Swear to Freaking God

There will be real blog posts. Soon. Maybe soon? I don't know. But there are things that need discussing. DISCUSSION IS REQUIRED GODDAMNIT! Where are you Janet omg omg omg omg omg D: SLUUUUUT NOT YET GIVE HER TIME . . . Argh. Seriously. My brain right now is just a jumble of men, fishnets and Lady Gaga. Also: orgies. What the fuck? I'm so tired. So tired. Fem studies reading can die in a fire! I don't know how I feel about anything and everything at the same time. Next weekend is going to be batshit insane. More insane than everything ever that I could imagine. I think. I also think it might be one of the best weekends ever. I'm really excited to see UAWS again. It's been too long since I rocked out with my cock out. :D Rocky cast party is going to be the fucking shit, but I don't think I'm going to get to take the person I want to... small sacrifice, though! It's not like I wouldn't do anything to make things cheel anyway. I'd do anything. Hah. Haha. Hahaha. I'm so fucking cracked out and insane right now. You can tell by the not organized train of thought, right reader-friend person thing? Good lord. Good lord, good lord. I'm just a jumble. A hot mess jumble and I have every right to be. But I'm also incredibly happy. And incredibly grateful for peach milkshakes. I fucking love peaches. Anyway, dude. Dude, anyway. There's going to be so much to talk about soon, my friendly friend bloggin' buddies. There's so much happening right now, but I can't post anything about it, yet. I'm really excited, though. And I think you guys will be, too.

I really love you all more than you think.

xoxo foreva,

meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee <3

"Beatiful People" on Tumblr - Thoughts

Many a person on Tumblr spams my dashboard with many a photo of a "Beautiful person" and while I'd agree that the photos they post of people are quite nice, and quite attractive, for some reason, they bother me. They gnaw at my brain. They make me uncomfortable. And this morning, I finally figured out why.

These "beautiful people" are simply photos. That's it. Nothing about who they are, what they do, their interests, their talents, their dreams...

Is the girl pictured about beautiful because her hair's red? Because she's wearing thigh high socks? Because her face is very pretty and well made-up? Is she pretty because she's the idea of "different"? Why, of all the pictures of people, did you post this one? By posting this picture, what are you saying about yourself? Are you wishing you could look like her? Are you wishing you were different, like her? What are you trying to promote? What are you saying about her?

You know how to be different? Be yourself. Everyone is unique and special -- don't let idiotic conceptions of beauty destroy who you are. I'm blonde, with blue eyes, white as fuck, and I know I'm different. I look totally fuckin' normal, not special in any way, and yet, I'm beautiful. (Fuck yeah Lady Gaga, anyone? Born This Way premiered today! XD) Sure my face is scarred from the years of acne I've endured, but fuck man, does that really matter? I freak the fuck out about my face because I feel ugly, due to society that we live in. Scars aren't pretty, therefore I'm not pretty. Fucking bullshit. This world is God damned stupid. Haha. If the world saw more in people than the way they look, I'd of never felt awful about myself for the last... what, 7 years? I don't get a chance to show people who I am, because I'm so damn worried they won't even communicate with me because I'm simply too ugly. I don't have to wear weird clothes or dye my hair crazy colors to know I'm different, sure, I can understand the reasoning behind "Man, my hair looks fucking cool with a purple streak in it," but ugghhh... rage rage rage... I really, really, hate people's idea of beauty, and people who post on Tumblr just promote the shit out of the idea. Soooooo disturbing to me...

One can run around promoting how different they are, or they can just be different. 

One can run around promoting how much of a nice guy he is, or he can just be a nice guy.

Actions people, actions. They speak so much more.

How can someone be considered beautiful if they're just an image? Just a photo? What if the person in said picture is posing to make a few extra bucks to fund her crack addiction as her baby daddy struggles to feed the newborn she's too fucked up to take care of? Is she still beautiful? I'm sorry, but I beg to differ... looks aren't everything, people.

Also: photoshop. lol.

Furthermore, there's no stories behind these pictures. They're shallow. One-dimensional. And they promote a very crude and limited sense of beauty. Being beautiful is so much more than nice tits and an ass... ARRRGGGHHH

Now, when I get drunk, one of the most common things I utter is, "Look at all the beautiful people." And most people would say because I'm drunk, the phrase means a whole lot less. I once again, beg to differ. I feel like I'm most honest when my walls are down, and alcohol breaks 'em down real fast...

Anyway, I'ma point out somethin' real quick like:
I usually say "Look at all the beautiful people" around my closest friends, the ones I truly know are beautiful - while we're dancing, chillin' around a hookah, playin' Apples to Apples, having awesome drunk moments, or simply watching a Giants game. Then again, I believe that there's at least one thing about a person that makes them beautiful... so... euh. It's not uncommon for me to say something of the sort on say, a dance floor. Oh but I can explain that! Dancing is something that is very personal, even if it's just flailing... people can express themselves through dance, and that's why a bunch of dancing people is beautiful! They're expressing something of themselves to everyone else, and how can anyone scoff at that? How can that not be beautiful? Dance, especially drunk dancing, is a very raw form of human expression... a unique expression of one's self... Yeah! (I sometimes say "Look at all the beautiful people!" to make KendalKorn giggle, too, 'cause for some reason she's super amused by it... :]) 

Anyway! I didn't say it once this last party -- because I didn't freakin' know anyone there. (Also: not drunk? Dunno if I said it [in the context I'm writing of] at the party before this, but uh... yeah, here's a loop in my argument!) XD Party was weird as fuck, I got creeped on, and I got to spend maybe a fraction of my time there with my actual friends, because they were too busy freakin' the fuck out about the random ass people who showed up who ended up getting pretty sick... ugh... worries + booze = not happy.

I also have a "Beautiful Man Wall" here in my room, which I'd think most people would consider a flag for "Hey, you don't give a fuck about beauty!" Why do I think they're beautiful? I've watched every single person on my wall. Most are from movies, or Matt Bellamy... I've got an image of them, and their personalities in my mind. They're not just a body... not just an image of what I consider "attractive." While I'm kind of aware that Johnny Depp is kind of an asshole, the roles he plays (the Mad Hatter, Captain Jack) are what I associate his personality with, so y'know, it's a little off, but yeah... I think my point has been made...

Shit man I don't even know... I gotta go eat breakfast...

I'm just glad I figured out why these pictures bother me. They're attractive (these chicks are def hot, I'm not arguing against what they look like at all!), not beautiful. Beauty is so much more than a picture on Tumblr. Stupid materialistic world... stupid stupid stupid... rageragerage

I feel like I can write about Derrida now. Hello, thinking mood.

SO HUNGRRRRYYY XDD

MORE MORE Boys Boys Boys!

SO MANY BOYS.

Well, not really. Or really? Fuck, I don't know.

See, I was a little sad on Saturday, 'cause I invited some people over, and then nobody responded to me at all, and I was like, d'awww, I'm just being crazy, thinking anyone would like me enough to respond to me...

Blahblahblah, emo emo, got rid of that LAST NIGHT, dumb bitch brain.

Anyway, woke up this mornin' and got a text from Boy #1... poor guy was stuck in Bonny Doon all night without phone reception...

And earlier tonight, I got a response from Ginger Kid... he was in the bay at his friend's birthday party...

I felt much better, after.

Gonna invite Ginger Kid to Tanner's party next weekend. I expect very good results. And by very good results, I'm hoping I might actually end up having legit feelings for him. That'd be cool, 'cause as life is going right now, most men bore the living hell out of me. Haha.

I think Boy #1 would be scared of how hardcore we party, so imma invite him over when we're not planning on a 40 person free-for-all drinkfest... XD

Oh man, in relation to our parties, I really gotta say:

Those fuckin' orgy-porgy parties we throw, man, they're the greatest.

So much sex, drugs, and alcohol...

Don't even know how many dicks I've sucked in the last week, fuck!

Whatever. Excited for times to come. Keeping my head up, keeping strong, rollin' awesome. IT'S WHAT I DO. :)

Last Night... I Don't Even...

So. Ryan's birthday party.

I woke up in Michael Rubino's bed.

WHAT THE FUCCCCCCCCKKK XDD

Fucking awesome party, dude. Every part of it. :)

Didn't take no hits off the booooong, for all ya'll lurkers who need some clarification... just played around a 'lil y'hear?

Total confidence boost. XD

Had an amazing time. So much fun. So much soft. Haha. Ehe. Ohohohoho~!

Well, the kind of hella sketch people made it a little weird, but I wasn't very concerned nor worried about them in the least. Had other things on my mind... 

Teo gave Cooper and I the most entrancing light show ever. My brain still cannot comprehend all the pretty colors...

and the music.
THE MUSIC.
THE MUSIC WAS SO DAMN FANTASTIC HOMYGOD.

So much love for the Bad Romance remix. It was sexy. That's all I can think to say about it.

Kendal heard me giggling! AHHH! Makes me blush. :3

...I heard people running to the bathroom to vomit.

MAKES ME BLUSH.

...yay vomit

We need to have more parties that consist of the amazing awesomeness that was February 12th.

The Amount of Stupid, It Is So Intense.

HOLY GOD LAST NIGHT. WOW.

I can't even believe myself. I'm so embarrassed. I know it wasn't good. I know Jacob's kind of dying. Oh man, oh man, oh man. I feel so bad... texted Riley like a crazy mother fucker, man oh man. Didn't mean to do that. Stupid drunk girl. I must be so annoying.. ugh... Ryan is def not pleased with me... but hopefully he won't be too, like, annoyed at me... I really hope so... argggggggh. So... everything worrying my brain... gotta apologize to Riley; my stupidity gets the best of me sometimes, wits are sometimes lost. Fucking vodka. Hmmm. Whatever. Whatever whatever whatever. What can I do, what can I say? It's a new day... ~.~

blahblahblah, I feel like shit, blahblahblah, fuck everything...

...there's also a random cut on my foot, wtf?

Tactics is Awesome

Sorry you don't have anything new to read, Tanna! ♥

Love & miss all ya'll Santa Cruzians

We gonna party like craaaazzaaay motha fuckas when we get back!

The Weekend of the Captain!

I've sure been doin' a lot of these recap thinggers lately... prolly 'cause I've got time on the weekends to blog blog blog 'til my daddy takes my computer away~ ♪♪

Man, that's silly. Duurrrrrr hurrrr hurrrr ...

So, wtf am I goin' to talk about today? I guess I should start with Friday, don't think anything huge and/or significant happened during the week.

Friday was cool: Rocky Horror. My friend Stephanie was Janet, and she was adorable. So awesome. I danced on stage with Ana and Cory, and it totally made my night! Besides, my legs looked awesome in those heels. Ohhh baby. :]

Ladies!

That night basically consisted of Cpt. Morgan, Rocky, order pizza, pass out. It was good, it was chill. No depressed Darlene, ftw.

THE NEXT DAY! Saturday!

I got up and dressed around noon. Left my place around 1:45. Went to a house on Ocean street for a house show. Stayed until like, 6 something. Silly Creature was awesome, as usual, Time Machine was... pretty good? And Zeyphr's band was a FUNK band and it impressed me quite a bit! So cool! Voto was also there for a while makin'... beats? Or something... dunno... with a pedal board. Neat neat neat!

After that, Pranov and I went to Taco Bell. We feasted. Crunchwraps, hooo!
Wes was also with us. Is it bad that I'm basically totally sketched out by him? Hah...
THEN we went to the Pacific Cookie Company to see Max (Pranov's friend) annnnnnnnnnd we got some cookies. I had a chocolate covered snickerdoodle.

Friends are good, right? I think so.

We went to the downtown house for a bit afterward. I think Pranov was in the bathroom or something, because Wes and I were chillin' in the front room by our lonesomes for a while. Sort of weird, but whatever. We decided to roll out to Church House early to try and avoid the storm getting any worse. Dunno if it was a good call or not... heh

We ended up at Church House at like 7:40. 'Bout 20 mins early, but there were people there already anyway. No biggie. We just attempted to dry off and hung out for a bit. Church House has stadium seating now and it's awesome!

Riley showed up next. The boys had some beer, they were content. A little wet, but content~ ♪♪

Then Cory, Freshman, Logan, and Tanner showed up. I was joined on the couch for a bit, but then people were like "HOMYGOD BEER PONG GOOOOOO!" Annnd I ended up warmin' the couch by myself for a while. Was nice. Relaxing. I was super tired from the like... 4 hours of music earlier, anyway.

I finally got up to go watch some pong. I was interested in their rules... comapin' 'em to our Rancho rules. We play hardcore pong in the 'Cho. Intense shit, y'know?

I feel like Rory would have been proud. Hah.

Anyway, during that, I heard there was more rum. Cpt. Morgan again. Mmmm. I had myself a shot. A tasty tasty shot... and then made myself some rum and coke. Def my favorite drink... :)

Downed that pretty quick, then had another shot. 'Twas my alcohol intake for the night... because the rum disappeared quickly...

Phrase of the night.

Oh then Voto showed up... and I was like heeeeeeeeey~!

I feel like I def drunk hit on him. A lot. S'ok. Liquid courage goooooooo!

But, at the end of the night, I managed to ask him if he'd like to spend some time together sometime, and he gave me a rather excited yes. Pretty sweet, dude!

BUT I got no number... lolfail... Tanner def got it... DERRRRP.

I also dunno if he was so excited 'cause he was drunk, too. Merp. Self-doubt, hooo!

So, the bands that played were pretty good. Six in one day. Was like a festival. In my backyard. SO COOL. (I ♥ SC!)

I can't remember the third band's name, but of course, our loves, Under a Western Sky played, and another new (?) band named In the Airplane played as well. Was a good show. Under a Western Sky created a mosh pit, as usual. Was a rather intense one. I was sitting off to the side (with Voto, btw, GLEEEEEEEEEE) and I got hit in the mouth, and then someone knocked my glasses off and one of the nose pieces def scratched my face a bit. Ooow. OH well. If I had actually been in that pit, I prolly would have died. Was fun watching my friends go, though!

Freshman said he got like, 4 concussions. I dunno man. I dunno.

Blaaargg. So the music ended around 11, and everyone was intoxicated enough already so we decided to roll back onto campus. Was prolly a good call.

The bus was stupid full when we got on, the bus driver was hella legit and let WAY more of us than he should have (by bus company type thing regulations)... it was awesome.

I didn't have anything to hold on to, so I kind of kept falling over. Sorry, Riley & Tanner. XD

When we went past the UCSC guard thing, all of us in the front ducked. It was so funny.

The bus also died twice. Succcccccccch an awesome bus ride! Yahooo! :]

Yep. Anyway. Made it back to Porter. Drank another shot (forgot about that one!), went to my room, hung out for a bit. Tanner ordered a shit load of pizza... blah blah blah watched some YouTube videos...

I think I almost cried again. Def almost went into depressed drunk Darlene mode again. Meh.

Whenever I feel bad, though, the guys always tell me, "it could be worse, you could have a dick."

I dunno how that's supposed to make me feel better. At all.

And I kept saying, "I hate my life" last night... I do, sort of. Lately I've been really, really down. Can't find a relationship... I miss them so much... don't have that special person to just bond with, don't have that person to just love me for who I am. It's so hard to live without that when I know how good it is, and when I lived with it for so long. ARRGGHH.

(There was a point in the night where I was looking at your name in my phone, considering things...)

I'm well aware that people are worse off than me. Shit dude, I always try my best to eat every once of food I take from the d-hall because I am so aware of things. I always try my best to appreciate things. I get pissed as fuck when people don't appreciate the things they have... I def say, "I hate my life" versus "My life is so terrible." I don't have to like my life, even if it's a rather okay one. Mother fuckin' Great Gatsby, anyone? Urg.

I don't know why I'm so particularly upset. Oh well~

This week is Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving break. I need it. Bad. Can't wait to see my family and friends in the 'Cho! I especially miss Cindy, my Mom, my broski-bro, and Matty. Always miss Matty. Oh and Chris and Brittainy, too! Always, I want to be with them! HAH!

Man, this post reeks of retarded-ness sometimes. Oh well.

Overall, was a pretty good weekend. Now I gotta read shit fo' class, and shower, and eat, and get on with my life!

There's tomorrow to worry about: gotta edit my paper, finish my readings, and... y'know... get ready to go home. :)

I'm gonna be rollin' out on Weds. Weds afternoon, headin' home on the 17.

I'm excited. Gonna make so many friendship bracelets.

Oh and dude, Freshman gave me an iPod (!!!) so I can listen to music on the way home! ♥

Such a good Freshman.

Such good musics.

Annnnnnnnnd in celebration of our liquor of choice!:

Good Way to Explain Last Night:

Weekend Recap!

ALRIGHT.

This weekend was good.

Like, perfectly good.

Except Ana was at home. :( I love my roommate!

Oh and Logan and Freshman were, too. Derp. :D

(I missed them all, srsly.)

Tanner's friend Bouset came to visit. I really liked her. She really likes purple, too! ♥

Friday we watched V for Vendetta (Nov. 5th, bitches!), and then Castle in the Sky. Both were awesome.

We also wandered outside to go play on the carousel. It was good. We kind of planned an orgy as well, s'good shit man.

Saturday, I woke up and went to FRL! I freaking love Fish Rap, it's the greatest. Got done there at like 3. I now know how to use In-Design! Yahoo!

Theeeeeeeen me, Mark & Cam went downtown to buy the good noms. Bought good noms and a bag of Sour Patch Kids & Sweedish Fish. Everyone was overjoyed for the fish and kids. Mmmmm, candy!

Saturday night... we got drunk and played Mario Kart.  

BEST IDEA EVER.

Michael Jackson and Batman reside in the Wii here. It is awesome. 

We're gonna drink the rest of the stuff on Weds, and play moaaarrr! No class on Thursday ftw! ^^/

In other news, I think I am now the group drunkard.

I woke up this morning with my shots numbered on my fingers (5, 4, 3, 2, 1) and then "I ♥ shots! :)" on my hand.

lol.

I also started playing Fable III today. HELLA FUN.

But back to me being drunk as fuck. I def passed out in my bed last night.

I also apparently confirmed that I am bisexual last night. I don't remember.

Not that anyone was surprised...

There was one more thing that I apparently "confirmed" last night...

Alec said it was noticable that I kinda like Riley.

I'm scared. XD

I'm prolly gonna say something to him sometime soon. But God damn I feel like a dumb ass. I also feel like... I have a man, Riley's single type of crush. Not like intense feelings or anything. That'd be silly. And mostly suicidal. I want to live. And keep my friends. Haha. It's not like Riley would ever be interested in me, anyway. Haaaah.

OH FRIENDS. RIGHT. I HAS THEM.

I has a Kendal Korn. And I would like her to know that it is okay. Everything is okay and I love her to death. Yeppity yep yep.

Let's see... what else...

Oh,

Feelings for Logan are mostly gone. He's just a freaking attractive person. Bastard. lol

Finally got to talk to Freshman. Was good. Horribly good..? Either way, things are clear now. Thank God. I can freak out 15 times less now.

Got a test on Weds. Gonna be studying a lot. Fuckin' shit, dude.

I feel like there was something else I was gonna say, but I forgot. Le sigh.

Oh well. Sleepy time..? I guess. Tired. Tired-ish and bored...

Overview Halloween 2010

Oh. My. Fucking. God.

Holyshitonastickomgomgomg

Last night.

Did last night even happen?

K so I was kinda dumb last night.

Tequila Darlene, heeeeey!

K so got to Julia's at like 4.

Cleaning party commenced.

Cleaning party ended.

Subway was purchased.

Giants game was half watched.

Casey started fucking with Julia.

Rage commenced.

Rage more or less ended.

Booze commenced.

OHGOODLORDOMGINSANITYAIYEE

Booze entered bloodstream.

Roommate showed up.

Body shots were taken.

Insanity/rage commenced encore.

Oh God.

Things eventually died down.

Left for campus.

(Sorry I wasn't there to help clean guys...)

Passed the fuck out.

That's... a really broad overview of last night.

It's pretty scary. Actually, terrifying.

I Gotta Say...

Last night was pretty sweet.

Yesterday was sooooooooo long at first:

Class, class, class, downtown, Alec being a pain, grocery shopping, carrying hella orange juice, Julia's for a whole 5 minutes, bus, talking to Mom about financial aid for 40 mins... ommmmmmmg it never ended.

Then I got home and helped Cam make dinner. Ana took pictures and we toasted to G104 with apple cider. It was legit as shiiiiit.

Oh and Cam's food was hella good. Especially the garlic bread. So yummy! ♥

I love my Cameroon~!

After that Ryan and I had to hella bounce. We were kinda late for Dylan's show, and I missed Biscuits. :( But! I didn't miss 3 other songs and I got a satisfying amount of headbanging in. We even had a ladies' mosh pit. I got thrown into a coffee table a little off of some retaliation from the real mosh put though. Fun times...

After that Riley gave me a beer, which was all I drank last night. (Sort of weird, lol) People didn't exactly get trashed last night. We all know we're going to on Sunday, so we just had a good time.

Then, I just kinda hung out. Cory and I made Tanner and Logan dance again... it's so fun lol... Kendal and Sarah and Coop danced with us a bit, too!

There was sort of a cuddle couch going on last night. All I gotta say is it was really hilarious. People are people are people who make me laugh. A lot. So awkward. Ahahahahahah XD

Riley gets drunk and all them ladies come around~ heeeeeeey!

Sometimes I seriously feel like people look at him and are like, "HEY I want to take advantage of him first!" "No me!" "No ME!"

Poor guy. Aha...

After that we just went back to Julia's. On the way there Kendal and I had an amazing conversation 'bout life, love, and the luls, and man, I just love that girl. I really do.

Blahblahblahblahblah

We arrived at Julia's and I got to play with Freddie a little! He's so soft and cute and omg kitty! ♥ ♥ ♥

Kendal and I were on the same painstakingly obvious wavelength. It was amusing as all hell.

Riley and I rolled out around midnight. Julia walked us to the bus station. Then we got on the bus, and I beat Riley up. Yep. Nawww, but Riley and I shared a good chuckle, and it was good. Look at me bein' all articulate. Hells yeaaaaah!

I got back to Logan looking more cracked out than usual and him telling me he was on heroin. Fucking Logan. lol. Freaked me out a little. Oh well. All is well.

Ana and Squid were in my room, so I stayed up 'til like 2 watching Lie to Me with Cam and a half passed out Logan.

Then, I passed the fuck out. Was so tired.

Now it's almost noon, and I gotta get in the shower! Gotta clean myself, eat, make candy skulls, and get the fuck downtown as soon as possible.

Tonight: madness takes its toll.

'CAUSE IMMA BE DOIN' THE TIIIIIIMEEE WAAARP!

List of People from Last Night:

All of these people were in/out of the apt. last night. I feel proud.

1. Me
2. Cameron
3. Ana
4. Tanner
5. Dylan
6. Riley
7. Julia
8. Kendal
9. Casey
10. Phillip
11. Freshman
12. Logan
13. Mark
14. Jasmine
15. Angela
16. Rubino
17. Michael Block
18. Pranov
19. Linus
20. Cory
21. Stephanie
22. British Jon
23. Ryan
24. Faye

Maaaaaaaan, it was good!

My Life is Okay.

Yep. Okay.

Not good, not great, not oh man, I'm rivalin' Santa's jollyness,

but it's okay.

So I don't get everything I want. That's okay.

Okaaaaaaaaay.

Blarg. Whatever! Ahaaaaaaa

I'm sick. Stupid plague.

BUT I still went dancin' last night. Was so fun. ♥

Though I'm sad Mark didn't really have a good time. More than likely just not his thing. I love him anyway. :)

Cory and I taught Logan how to dance. It was spectacular.

And Tanner was awesome to dance with!! SO FUN! :D

I sang myself hoarse. Ugh.

Typing is so much easier than speaking right now.

Oh God I just coughed on my laptop's screen. Hell dude... XD

I finished The Guild. :( Need something new to watch... prolly will do Firefly finally.

It's so weird, being in on a Saturday night. I feel like I need to be doing things. Or be nothere. It's good to take a break though, especially because my abs are going to be super ripped from coughing so much! Yeeeeeeaaaaah...

Ryan's off seeing Brytnny. I bet they're so adorably happy right now! I'm happy knowing that they're having a good time. ♥

So there's this guy in my dance class that's really cute and friendly, but I can't figure out if he's gay or not. lol. Everyone says it could be either way! ARGH! hah

Bleeeeeeeeeeeh... kinda don't really care anyway.

More things! Going to Fish Rap on Tuesday! Told James Shea I'd be there tonight. :] So exciting!! I LOVE FRL!

Oh. I can go to FRL! because I dropped stupid LALS 80G. Good prof., but too much work for me to want to take the class for just freakin' GEs. GEs are so damned easy to get, why stress myself out over a class I could give 0 fucks about?

Now I'm in Earth Catastrophes with Cam, Miguel, and Logan. So exciting. Even though I basically just sleep through it. Whatever. I liked the killer meteors movie. I WAS AWAKE FOR IT!!

Blah blah blah blah blah... blah.

D-hall sucked tonight. Fuckin' College 8.

Went to Sushi Totoro on Friday. Was fantastic. Tried mocchi (sp?) for the first time. So amazingly delicious. Gummy ice cream stuff omg yay mouth so happy...

I don't freakin' know dude. I'm just okay. Maybe I'd be happy if I weren't sick. Don't really know, don't really care, because I'm sick anyway! Woo....

Casey's big audition is tomorrow. I hope for everyone and the world's sake that she makes it. I feel like she's got a good chance, but yeah, it's all up to them.

I'm listening to Prince now. Love him. Especially 'cause we're dancin' to New Position in jazz dance. LOVE JAZZ DANCE.

Man, this is a lot of ADD rambling. Meh. Whaaaaaaateveeeeer. What else do I have to do? Right. Nothing.

I got a bodice today. Gonna rock Rocky Horror like a damned pro. It's gonna be so hot. Ehehehehehee. >:)

Yeah... well.... I think I'm done for now. Yep.

Overview of the Weekend

K so -- things started out with Date Night!

Which went really well. Like really, really well.

Exceeeeeeept for the fact that for some God awful stupid reason I don't like him.

Stupid stupid stupid. ARGH.

Anyway, realization of not liking said person so much killed half a Saturday with bad feelings.

Then people showed up.

And there was booze.

And I was intoxicated quickly.

And bad feelings sort of went away. 

Freshman gave me a lot of candy! And Red Bull! Mmmmmm! :]

Then Michael showed up... some balls were tripped.

I think I spent time in my room then, trying not to freak out, I guess.

I ended up wandering between my room and the living room...

Theeeen I pulled Logan out to talk...

Admitted that I still like him 'n stuff... (!)

Talked about some other things...

annnnnnd sort of cried all over him a little bit...

Oh dear.

After talking with Logan, I went upstairs to talk to Ryan...

Who of course, just made me feel better. Gotta love Ryan!

After that, it was like 11 already and we proceeded to leave Porter and head to Rayne's.

Housewarming party, of course!

Finally got to talk to Michael. Thanks Logan for shoving me out the door!  Everything there is now "fixed."

We were having a blast there (lesbian orgy in the closet! ♥), but her new housemates freaked Rayne out and stuff...

Which, y'know, turned things a little sour. Just a little.

We headed out at like... 2 - 2:30? Dunno. Just went to Kendal's place for a bit. Alec and Logan ended up crashing there... They have a really freaking cute kitty.

Left Kendal's at like 3 AM, got back to Porter, and proceeded to pass the fuck out.

Now it's morning... and I'm just like... holy good fuck, what the hell do I do with my life?

I guess I should take a shower. Go eat at the d-hall. Do normal things.

I did everything I wanted to last night... mission accomplished... but I didn't really think of what might happen this week and today. Kind of worried because some shit did go down last night.

Well. Actually. I don't think anything is going to happen. I'm just gonna go back to being somewhat lonely single me who has hardly any interest in anyone. I feel like I have a switch... and someone turned it off... or that somehow, I've learned to be so emotionally detached to people though the craziness of my life, that it's hard for me to have feelings for anyone outside of my friend group. Geeeeeeeeeeez my brain hurts.

Oh and most of Porter now knows I'm crazy as fuck. I'm not really the most quiet person.

OH WELL. :)

Tonight

Shit Fuck Tits Balls Assholes ARGH Doom Destruction Sleep Sleepy ARGH Damnit.

College Year Two So Far...

Fucking-fan-tastic!

Honestly, I don't know what could go wrong right now.

Don't have to deal with any shit & roommates are legit!

(See what I did there!)

Well, one's a little creepy drunk, but whatever.

I think I could be considered a little creepy drunk...

Maybe...

Whaaaaaaateveeeer!

Okay so let's talk about THE FIRST DAY.

The first person I saw was none other than my Cameroon, who was wearing just about the coolest purple shirt I've ever seen. And y'know, I've seen a lot of neat purple stuff. I was so excited to see him I was SHAKING. Overreaction, much? Yes. Oh well. I love Cam!
Saw Tanner as I was carrying a bunch of pillows to my new found home (an awesome apartment, in Porter's G-UNIT!) and just basically yelled "TANNER!" and tried to look as happy as possible with uh... like 5 pillows in my arms. I ended up giving him a hug later.

I think I saw Alec next. After I called his little brother Alec. Ooops. That was minorly horrible. Then I started to see people one by one, I think I ran into Logan, and then Dylan and Cory... I dunno. Don't remember now. And for the record, Dylan gave me the best hug by far, but Cory was bringin' the heat. Not like she doesn't naturally, anyway, but yeah. You go girl!

And I've got to mention Logan more because he said he reads my blog and that made me smile!
Er... and by mention I mean I want to write something nice to tell him how much I appreciate him. 'Cause c'mon, everyone can use that right?

K SO! I met Logan in creative writing last year. We became fast friends because we bonded over all the crappy things going on in our lives... and y'know, we enjoyed each other's company as well. (Not to mention Josh and Dana's) Either way, we'd walk back to Porter from 9/10 or sometimes to Fish Rap (he'd go with me, and it made me so happy!) And I remember one night Mark, Cam and I were at Cafe Rev, and all of us ended up playing Pirate Life. Which consisted of awesomenss and ganging up on Mark and Cameron. YEEEESSS! Well anyway, after that fun, we all went back to the B5 lounge where everyone else was completely trashed. People drinking straight vodka out of coffee mugs, etc. We played Apples to Apples until like 4 AM, and after a night of intense fun and games, c'mon, you just gotta be friends for a while! Luckily, that happened. THEN, of course, 'cause I'm crazy as hell and prefer to sabotage my friendships apparently, I developed a crush on him... and he wasn't interested and he handled it very well! I am very appreciative of that, and we're still awesome friends because we both handled it right.

Anyway, that's a quick run-down on Logan. All you need to know essentially though is he's awesome.

So things I'd like to say:

You are seriously a really, really, really wonderful person and I'm so glad I got to meet you! I can't believe that anyone would ever think you to be an asshole. You were the first person at college who I felt like could really understand how it was for me at home... and our timing in meeting was near flawless. I'm so glad I made such a good friend when I was in such need! I was so upset about Mark, and you so... just angry that your people were treating you like crap, and we were each other's vent and it was so good! Because you didn't know anyone! I could bitch and whine and moan and say whatever the hell I pleased because somehow I guess I knew it was okay. I dunno. You were just a really wonderful thing that happened to me last year who helped me get through mindless bullshit, and I just wanted to let you know, since you read this, and you def deserve to be told how awesome you are more often. I have a lot of fun being your friend, because you're one of the most entertaining people I've EVER met, and I hope we have more years of... just plain 'ole happiness to come!

♥ Darlene

I always feel like I seem weird and kind of obsessive when I write on this blog, but honestly, I just care so much for people and I don't see anything wrong in letting them know. Wouldn't the world be a better place if more people did so, anyway?

Erm. Done with huge sidetrack. Aha!

Let's continue with the first day -- and by day I mean night, because the other parts of daylight consisted of me running around far too much for my own personal hygiene and lung capacity.

Anyway, our friends have a house off campus.
With a 7/11 next door.
We had booze.
We had friends.
There was excitement.
& we had fun.

And by FUN I mean Logan did the dishes at like 3-4 AM and cut himself with a cutco knife.

I dunno how that's fun, but we all had a good night!

I dunno what else exactly to say about that night, except for I got in to my apartment at 6:30 AM.

Was kind of proud of myself. Welcome back to college, eh?!

Monday I slept in. A lot. Then decorated my room. It looks rockin'.

Tuesday I spent a good part of the day grocery shopping with the friendlies. Then we went to the bookstore, hung out for a bit, and proceeded to go to the Boardwalk Frolic whiiiccch was lame as shit. I shall never attend it again. Also had to wait an hour for the bus to get to te metro that night. Fuck that shit. In the butt.

Weds was pretty sweet. Woke up early-ish, hung out for a while, went to Casey's, saw her awesome Halloween costume, told her I love her 'cause I do, and played some Shithead. Went back to my place to find Ryan preparing for his jazz audition (which of course, he did well on, duh!) Hung out for a big to find Cam, Tanner, Dylan and Cory at my door telling me it was time to see Scott Pilgrim. I'm so glad I went. That movie was phenomenal. So entertaining.

Which leads to some interesting developments!

After Scott Pilgrim, we went to the D-hall, ate the good noms, and went back to Tanner and Dylan's to watch Glee. I got to watch most of Glee. Most of it. Because Michael Block called me 5 minutes before it ended to tell me he was on campus to visit! EXCITING!

Anyway. Hung out with him until like, midnight. All was well. Really well. I might like him now well. Then it was today and I had to get up at the crack of dawn. Horray. Fuckin' class.
BUUUUUT Michael was back after class and that was exciting! Except he was bored. Because I'm a bad hostess (BUT A GOOD CUPCAKE!!) but that's okay. Then Cam and I had lunch, and I went to my jazz dance class, which was as amazing as I had expected it to be. Hell to the fuck yeah. Coming back from class I ran into Michael again!! And he came over again! ARGH SO EXCITED. But then Ryan came over and Michael seriously may like Ryan more than me. The broffection, it is so intense. He left around 6-ish, I think. I dunno. Nuffin' happened. Tomorrow he's coming around again, and we're going to go see Fight Club at the Del Marr and it's going to be awesome. Hello date night! Yahoo!

Anyway, college so far this year has been freaking amazing. So freaking amazing.

I'll update you more when I can, dear blogger, but I'm gonna have a metric shitton of work to do soon! Oh nooooooooooooess! :(

Hey, You're a Douchebag!

Yes, you!

YOU DELETED ME ON FACEBOOK, OH NOOOOOES.

It's okay, you're way too good for me anyway.

The luls, they are so intense.

Now, for an actual legit reason to make this post:

This is post:

*drumroll*

500!!

Man, that's a lot of ranting, geeking out, and beautiful men. What the hell else do I talk about?

OH RIGHT, HELLA STUPID DRAMA. looooooooooooool. *facepalm*

My life is hilarious... at least I think so. Herp-aderp-aderp.

It's also the first post of September! September!

19 MORE DAYS UNTIL MOVE-IN. HELLLL YEEEEEESS!

I was also going on the most amazing adventure of my life, one year ago.

Man... crazy how much one year changed my life.

Intense shit, fo'sho.

I still really miss those times... but now that the insanity that this summer brought is over... I've got a few more weeks to actually relax and not give a FUCK!

There will be booze involved. FUCK YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAH!

Redemption!

Shit. I miss spellcheck. I'm going to go through all my recent posts when I get my laptop back and FIX EVERYTHING. ~.~

ANYWAY, I feel a whole lot nicer this week.

And by that, I mean I feel a whole lot less angry.

(Hi Jacob, I can possibly send you more than one blunt text message a day!)

Speaking of blunts, they have a weed booth at the State Fair this year. LOL

Erm. Yeah.

I didn't get to go to sushi today. Kinda sucks. Was really looking forward to doing something... haven't gone out in a while... ah well, didn't really have a choice in the matter so I'll get over it. Yep!

In other news:
MY UNCLE PAUL SMELLS SO BAD OMG
OMG. OMG. OMG. OMG.
I don't think he's showered in ten days.

TEN DAYS. UGH. SMELLS LIKE HOMELESS MAN.
SMELLS LIKE INSANE HOMELESS MAN.

T.T

He's been here that amount of time: ten days. Ten days of stupid questions smell and me avoiding the front room. Urg. Of all times for me to be angry/grouchy/not feeling well why did it have to be when Uncle Paul was over?

I've been reading Lord of the Rings a lot lately. God I love Tolkien. He's so amazing. So awesome. Makes me sit down and read things. That's intense.

I read really slowly though. Only through about 200 pages. I just... don't like the physical act of reading. I can never be comfortable, because I have to have the book super close to my face so I can read it, because reading with my glasses on hurts my eyes... retarded. Wish I'd read more. There's so many good things to read, and I'd feel a lot better about myself if I did... I'd feel more... like... I'm not wasting my life away as I do with my usual forms of entertainment.

Blah blah blah, blah blah blah.

I really just want to talk about nothing. Nobody and nothing. I just want to type. I enjoy typing. Maybe it's because I'm actually not half bad at typing. I think. Maybe. Ah well, whatever.

That was quite possibly the most useless thing I've ever written. Bravo me!

Oh yeah um...

DISTANT WORLDS IS THIS WEEK OMG YAY EXCITEEEEEEEEEEDDDD :]]

Amazing, amazing, beautiful music will be MINE!

And hopefully, there will be a stuffed chocobo I can buy.

I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT TO BUY ONE. XD

I will display it on my bed next year proudly, for I am a geek, and I am a proud geek, and if you don't like chocobos, you've got some serious issues. They're about the cutest things ever. Especially baby chocobos. OMG. OMG. OMG. hellocutegasm

My friend, Chris, and his band are playing tomorrow at the State Fair. I bought a season pass but need to print it. Hopefully, I can get that sorted out somehow. I kind of feel like I should have just spend the like, extra $6 (if I decide to go 3 times, as I presume I will) to make less of a hassle. Well... I bought the stuff now so whatever but yeah... kinda freaking out about it because I don't want my mother to go through the roof for whatever retarded reason she finds...

Didn't go to College Group on Sunday. Should've, but didn't. Was kind of cold as well. Yuck! No movie, no normal Sunday night relaxation... sad.

Didn't go to Rory's yesterday (Monday Night Pong) but... that was for reasons of: "OHMYGODMYUTERUSISFALLINGOUTOW." I always love Mondays, but yeah, can't do some things so well sick. Had almost thrown up earlier that day, so I figured alcohol wouldn't be good...

Man, whatever. I'm just hella bored. I was intending on posting something meaningful, but I guess I just wanted to say I'm a whole lot less angry. It's good.

Maybe boredom cures rage. Hrm. Maybe.

I can't wait to go to the fair tomorrow. It's going to be fun. Love the fair, even though it gets hella hot. Just gotta get this season pass thing figured out and all will be well! Yahoo! :]

Thursday Distant Worlds. OMG. OMG. OMG. XD
Friday Distant Worlds.

Saturday... weekend already?! WTF?!

Possibility of Ryan and Brytnny.

Excitement.

Shit, this week may just turn out to be awesome!

BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHRAMBLERAMBLEBOREDBORED

I'm hungry. Food. Food. Food. Yum! Yay!

My Life is Complete.

I've seen my mother crossfaded.

Oh, this is a weekend that is to be remembered.

and it's only the first night!

She smoked with my brother!

LOL

She also believes Alex is 21.

LOLOLOLOLOLOL XD