Bloooooog

So many things I need to post.

So little time to think. So little time to type.

So little will to do anything. Ugh.

(Except read. I like to read.)

I feel like I'm dying.

In other news: I'm becoming more and more like a writer!

Drinkin' my sorrows away, look at me go!

Fuck yeah for Faulkner. He's my writing hero.

Many, many great writers were also sort of alcoholics! YEAAAAH!

(I'm not really gonna become an alcoholic, btw, just sayin'.)

It was really nice seeing Kendal tonight. And Pranov earlier, too. I miss downtown people.

The Office reminds me of home. Of orchestra. I miss it.

Had a really weird dream this morning, too.

Me, my Mom, and Logan were there. We were all watching this amazing beautiful holy God mind blowingly awesome symphony in this really elaborate, fancy ass concert hall. There was a lot of gold, like, plating stuff? And the curtains were fashionably red. Really picture-esque and beautiful. Reminds me of the very opening of Moulin Rouge! Anyway, I don't remember much, but, something had happened, and like, my Mom just sort of disappeared. Then I got really, really sad... incredibly, incredibly depressed, and Logan was the only one there, it's just he was just super distant and it was really weird - like, he was trying to comfort me, but it was all bad, didn't work. I woke up pretty depressed. Hah. Good times. ~.~

Anyway, weird shit. Don't really want to think about it. Errrg.

Don't like my dreams. Unless I'm dreaming of squirrels.

I like squirrels.

BLAAAAAAAARG.

Hijacked From Kimmy

I feel like my mother and I have done this before. I kind of miss her. I kind of miss home. But not like last year -- I don't desperately want to leave SC, it's just gonna be nice to be home for a bit.

Dorkin' Like a Pro

Got bored, played around in model viewer, made this:

She's such a cute character! :]



I could totally write something about her...

Random Awesome

• Anatidaephobia is the fear that somewhere in the world, there is a duck watching you.

• 'Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia' is the fear of long words.

• Grapes EXPLODE when you put them in the microwave!

• A Rubik's cube has 43,252,003,274,489,856,000 possible configurations.

Not Really That Much of a Dumb Ass, but a Little

Title ^

Need fatty blog updates soon... so much to talk about homygod!

Good Way to Explain Last Night:

Mooski #17 Eggs - Mayhem

This song... is a little weird... but I really like it.

It's also brought to you by my electronic music guru friend, Alec.

FRL! Shenanegins

I made this today:

I also drew ice-cream cone things that are happy to go to FroYo! They're super cute.

Excitement.

I didn't write my article for FRL! It can wait for another time, I guess.

Sometimes!

I feel like I'm on top of the world...

and others,

I feel like I'm falling off the top of the world...

Deep shit, yo.

So I'm STILL a Dumb Ass...

But I handled shit. I HANDLED SHIT. YEAAAAH!

Everything is okay. I feel normal. And okay. And better about myself.

I'm also hella hungry. D-hall better have some good food tonight. Srsly.

I got an article to write! Aiyee!

Nothing will happen. I will get over it. I will not care next week. Yep.

...I need to go to some parties and find me a man. ARGH! Haaaah...

Yeah, well, whatever. Blog is blog is blog is blog... I just want to be more open, more honest, more me. I like me. I'm a good person and I'm happy being me... yay.

Blah de blah blah, none of this should have ever been posted. If it causes drama, I am going to first be upset, and second have a nice chuckle.

Uh huh. Life. Life is okay. Or maybe even good? Maybe?

So I'm a Dumb Ass...

That's seriously how I feel right now.

Not in my right mind.

HURRR DERRRP.

I wanna go chat with people.

Stupid optimistic today. Gonna crash hard.

God damnit. lol

Weekend Recap!

ALRIGHT.

This weekend was good.

Like, perfectly good.

Except Ana was at home. :( I love my roommate!

Oh and Logan and Freshman were, too. Derp. :D

(I missed them all, srsly.)

Tanner's friend Bouset came to visit. I really liked her. She really likes purple, too! ♥

Friday we watched V for Vendetta (Nov. 5th, bitches!), and then Castle in the Sky. Both were awesome.

We also wandered outside to go play on the carousel. It was good. We kind of planned an orgy as well, s'good shit man.

Saturday, I woke up and went to FRL! I freaking love Fish Rap, it's the greatest. Got done there at like 3. I now know how to use In-Design! Yahoo!

Theeeeeeeen me, Mark & Cam went downtown to buy the good noms. Bought good noms and a bag of Sour Patch Kids & Sweedish Fish. Everyone was overjoyed for the fish and kids. Mmmmm, candy!

Saturday night... we got drunk and played Mario Kart.  

BEST IDEA EVER.

Michael Jackson and Batman reside in the Wii here. It is awesome. 

We're gonna drink the rest of the stuff on Weds, and play moaaarrr! No class on Thursday ftw! ^^/

In other news, I think I am now the group drunkard.

I woke up this morning with my shots numbered on my fingers (5, 4, 3, 2, 1) and then "I ♥ shots! :)" on my hand.

lol.

I also started playing Fable III today. HELLA FUN.

But back to me being drunk as fuck. I def passed out in my bed last night.

I also apparently confirmed that I am bisexual last night. I don't remember.

Not that anyone was surprised...

There was one more thing that I apparently "confirmed" last night...

Alec said it was noticable that I kinda like Riley.

I'm scared. XD

I'm prolly gonna say something to him sometime soon. But God damn I feel like a dumb ass. I also feel like... I have a man, Riley's single type of crush. Not like intense feelings or anything. That'd be silly. And mostly suicidal. I want to live. And keep my friends. Haha. It's not like Riley would ever be interested in me, anyway. Haaaah.

OH FRIENDS. RIGHT. I HAS THEM.

I has a Kendal Korn. And I would like her to know that it is okay. Everything is okay and I love her to death. Yeppity yep yep.

Let's see... what else...

Oh,

Feelings for Logan are mostly gone. He's just a freaking attractive person. Bastard. lol

Finally got to talk to Freshman. Was good. Horribly good..? Either way, things are clear now. Thank God. I can freak out 15 times less now.

Got a test on Weds. Gonna be studying a lot. Fuckin' shit, dude.

I feel like there was something else I was gonna say, but I forgot. Le sigh.

Oh well. Sleepy time..? I guess. Tired. Tired-ish and bored...

Lit1 Essay #1 - Kiss of the Spider Woman

Darlene McCoy

Madeline McDougal Lane

LIT1

10 November 2010

A Novel of a Film

Prison cells are dark, deep, holes in walls that cut off a man and his cell mate from the outside world. The stone cold confinements provide no beauty to gaze upon; no color to even spark one's imagination. So, in these unchanging chambers, what are two men, confined to their own miniature world, to do but interact with one another? Manuel Puig imagines the going-ons of two imprisoned men, Luis Alberto Molina, and Valentin Arregui Paz, in his novel, The Kiss of the Spider Woman. Valentin is a stone cold political activist - detained for taking part in a hunger strike against the Argentinian government. On the contrary, his cellmate Molina bleeds romance; he uses films to fantasize about life, and more importantly to him, love. Molina's interest in film leads him to recount them to Valentin, including a work of unnamed Nazi propaganda. The film shares an astonishing amount of similarities to the novel as a whole: the plot and characters in each tale mirror the other.

In both plot lines, the two main characters encounter one another during times of political turmoil. In the novel's plot, Molina meets Valentin because he has been set up by the Argentinian government to extract extremist schemes from Valentin. The government throws them in a cell together, and expects Molina to develop a friendship with Valentin. They believe that with time, Valentin will reveal the deep dark secrets of his extremist group to Molina, and that Molina will relay the information back to them. In the film's plot, Leni, a fine woman who embodies France, meets Werner, a young German lieutenant at one of her shows. While it is not odd for a German to be in France - Werner was there to enjoy some fine entertainment after a full day of regulating the occupation of Paris during the Third Reich. During the show his eyes spied Leni, and after he left flowers in her dressing room. With time and some courting, the two become as well acquainted as Molina and Valentin.

The second significant plot point shared between the novel and film is that both Molina and Leni are given clear incentive to betray their respective friend. The warden of the prison utilizes Molina's mother's happiness to further prod him into uncovering Valentin's extremists' plots. He discloses, "It seems your mother is feeling a lot better, since he spoke to her about the possibility of a pardon... She's practically a new person" (149). The warden, well aware of Molina's intense compassion for his mother, employs his love against him. This situation parallels Leni's in the Nazi film. A man known as the clubfoot, who affiliates himself with the French maquis brings Leni and her cousin to a rendezvous point. He explains to Leni that she is to infiltrate German man's headquarters to find papers denoting the location of an immense German arsenal. She refuses the offer at first, but when the clubfoot threatens her cousin with death, her only option is to cooperate - "So she promises to do whatever she can" (75). The clubfoot, aware of Leni's love for her cousin, uses her love against her.

Over time, Molina and Valentin, and Leni and Werner's relationships progress to the point where they fall in love. Though their betrayals continue, the two betrayers comply less and less with their orders; they want to reveal less and less to their oppressors. Because the couples fell in love, the men with the information willingly give out their secrets to their believed-to-be confidants. Leni and Molina attain the information that will take their lives, and the plots thicken.

Each leading lady discovers her own way of deceiving the man in her life. The warden assists Molina in keeping Valentin fully decieved by providing him with specific bags of groceries. "We have to come up with something to justify your euphoria, Molina. That's definite. I know now, we can requisition some groceries for you, and pack them up the same way, how does that strike you?" (151). Supposedly sent to Molina by his mother, the bags retain the validity of Molina's fib. Valentin never becomes aware. Leni beguiles Werner using her voice and a piano. Werner sends his majordomo down into the cellar to fetch an expensive wine, and then continues outside. Leni approaches the piano to provide herself with an accompaniment to her singing, but instead of doing so, she sets down a record loaded with her talent. She starts the music, and then enters Werner's office to scour through his things. "But she manages to prepare a little bit of a ruse, and puts on a recording of herself that's accompanied by piano too, and meanwhile she goes into his private study and starts rummaging through the papers" (75). Werner and the other men believe that the record is actually Leni, and they never discover her deceit.

Each story sets up a "death trap" for each of the heroines. The warden of the novel orders men to follow Molina once he is out on parole, and if they come upon no information following him, they have orders to print an article in the local newspaper. The article will set Molina up as extremist bait - and once the fish bite, the government will pounce upon them like a starved panther. Either way - Molina is not set up for his benefit: he is merely an unaware pawn. While Leni's situation does not mirror Molina's exactly, she ends up in a "death trap" of her own. She returns to Paris to aid Werner in the search of the maquis. She manipulates the maquis into taking her to one of their establishments by teasing them with her knowledge of the German arsenal site. There, Werner's majordomo reveals to her that he is the head of the maquis, and that he is aware of Leni's affiliation with the Germans. He and his affiliates know that the Germans are behind her; that they are on their way. At that point in time, Leni becomes a pawn in a trap that is anything but beneficial for her. If the Germans realize her betrayal, she is just as safe with them as she is with the maquis.

Death ends a drama in quite the final fashion, and both plots close with one. Ferocious men shoot ferocious heroines down. Molina is killed in a shoot out between the warden's men and Valentin's extremists. The formal report reads, "At that moment, however, several shots were fired from a passing automobile, wounding CISL agent Joaquin Perrone, along with the subject, both of whom immediately fell to the ground" (274). Molina dies by the hands he was attempting to aid. Leni's life comes to a close as she grasps a curtain,
"...she opens a window to escape and right there down below stands the driver assassin, and her boyfriend sees him in time and fires a shot, but the clubfoot, no, I mean the driver, because the clubfoot's already dead back at the museum, then the driver, while he's dying there, manages to get off one shot at the girl" (92).
Leni dies by the hands she affiliated herself with.

The plot lines are not the only component of the novel and film that mirror one another. The characters themselves resemble their corresponding part. Molina and Leni and Valentin and Werner serve as the heroines and their respective lovers.

Though Molina's physical features define him as a man, he and Leni portray the female protagonist of their tale. The people of the world of The Kiss of the Spider Woman see women as creatures that romanticize life - they do not put politics, or any other just causes above love. Molina believes that he is a woman, and goes as far as to describe and refer to himself as such, "Hey, what do you take me for, and even dumber broad than I am?" (89). Molina features his womanly side, "That's how I am, very sentimental" (29). Molina refers to Leni, the woman he desires to be, as exquisitely woman-esque time and time again, even as, "The most divine woman you can imagine" (50). Both of these heroines die embodying their inner selves - ladies who revel in romance. While it is not completely clear that Molina died as the (wo)man he was, Valentin implies that he did so, "I think he let himself be killed because then he could die like some heroine in a movie, and none of that business about a just cause" (279). Only a woman would die so romantically. The last thing Leni did before she died was tell Werner that she loved him, "...she loses whatever strength she has left and says how much she loves him, and how they'll soon be together in Berlin again" (92). She demonstrates her femininity.

The two tales present Valentin and Werner as the manly male lovers. Men in the novel believe in politics and fighting for a "just cause" above all else. Valentin states his masculinity by explaining to Molina, "The great pleasure's something else, it's knowing I've put myself in the service of what's truly noble, I mean.. well... a certain ideology..." (28). A song depicts the waters of a German river, and it brings Werner to tears. He cannot hide his love of his country.  His love bolsters his manliness and is not seen as womanly because men who love their country to an incredible degree are man-gods, and are invincible (55). Physical beings fascinate Valentin and Werner. Valentin always asks, without fail, how the women in the films Molina describes look, "How is her figure? Does she have a good build, or is she more on the flat side?" (50). Leni's aesthetically pleasing figure brings about comments of, "what a marvelous creature [you are]" (55) from Werner's lips. He too, is entranced by beauty.

Though there may be a few cracks, this Nazi propaganda film mirrors The Kiss of the Spider Woman. The plot lines and characters share a copious amount of similar points that it is difficult not to wonder why they correlate so well. In the footnotes on pages 82-95 the Nazi film is recounted in its original theatrical form. Leni goes to Germany, and becomes a Nazi. She returns to France to aid Werner with the German occupation, and at the conclusion of the film, she is not the heroine she is portrayed to be - she also lives. Depending on when the reader reads the footnote, immediately after its notation or after they have finished reading the rest of the Nazi story, the reader will either have known of Molina's betrayal, or have felt betrayed by Molina's retelling. This evidence just further alludes to other happenings down the line. The Nazi film is a narrative hidden in a narrative that reflects its own - a meta-narrative to be discovered for as long as The Kiss of the Spider Woman is explored by readers.

Fuck Tonight

Seriously...

day was good though!

Streessssss

makes for a very tired/moderately depressed Darlene.

Good times, bitches. ~.~

Blogger Stats: October 2010

1,265 page views in October. Holy shit.

Mooski #16 Beauty in the Beast - Gavin Rossdale

Meh. No music video. Awesome song though. ♥

His more popular one is "Love Remains the Same," but this one kind of haunts me in a good way.

Cool shit.

Overview Halloween 2010

Oh. My. Fucking. God.

Holyshitonastickomgomgomg

Last night.

Did last night even happen?

K so I was kinda dumb last night.

Tequila Darlene, heeeeey!

K so got to Julia's at like 4.

Cleaning party commenced.

Cleaning party ended.

Subway was purchased.

Giants game was half watched.

Casey started fucking with Julia.

Rage commenced.

Rage more or less ended.

Booze commenced.

OHGOODLORDOMGINSANITYAIYEE

Booze entered bloodstream.

Roommate showed up.

Body shots were taken.

Insanity/rage commenced encore.

Oh God.

Things eventually died down.

Left for campus.

(Sorry I wasn't there to help clean guys...)

Passed the fuck out.

That's... a really broad overview of last night.

It's pretty scary. Actually, terrifying.

Fuck Dude

I can't even handle everything that goes on in my head sometimes. Jesus. lol

Pastpastpastpastpastpastpastpast

I Gotta Say...

Last night was pretty sweet.

Yesterday was sooooooooo long at first:

Class, class, class, downtown, Alec being a pain, grocery shopping, carrying hella orange juice, Julia's for a whole 5 minutes, bus, talking to Mom about financial aid for 40 mins... ommmmmmmg it never ended.

Then I got home and helped Cam make dinner. Ana took pictures and we toasted to G104 with apple cider. It was legit as shiiiiit.

Oh and Cam's food was hella good. Especially the garlic bread. So yummy! ♥

I love my Cameroon~!

After that Ryan and I had to hella bounce. We were kinda late for Dylan's show, and I missed Biscuits. :( But! I didn't miss 3 other songs and I got a satisfying amount of headbanging in. We even had a ladies' mosh pit. I got thrown into a coffee table a little off of some retaliation from the real mosh put though. Fun times...

After that Riley gave me a beer, which was all I drank last night. (Sort of weird, lol) People didn't exactly get trashed last night. We all know we're going to on Sunday, so we just had a good time.

Then, I just kinda hung out. Cory and I made Tanner and Logan dance again... it's so fun lol... Kendal and Sarah and Coop danced with us a bit, too!

There was sort of a cuddle couch going on last night. All I gotta say is it was really hilarious. People are people are people who make me laugh. A lot. So awkward. Ahahahahahah XD

Riley gets drunk and all them ladies come around~ heeeeeeey!

Sometimes I seriously feel like people look at him and are like, "HEY I want to take advantage of him first!" "No me!" "No ME!"

Poor guy. Aha...

After that we just went back to Julia's. On the way there Kendal and I had an amazing conversation 'bout life, love, and the luls, and man, I just love that girl. I really do.

Blahblahblahblahblah

We arrived at Julia's and I got to play with Freddie a little! He's so soft and cute and omg kitty! ♥ ♥ ♥

Kendal and I were on the same painstakingly obvious wavelength. It was amusing as all hell.

Riley and I rolled out around midnight. Julia walked us to the bus station. Then we got on the bus, and I beat Riley up. Yep. Nawww, but Riley and I shared a good chuckle, and it was good. Look at me bein' all articulate. Hells yeaaaaah!

I got back to Logan looking more cracked out than usual and him telling me he was on heroin. Fucking Logan. lol. Freaked me out a little. Oh well. All is well.

Ana and Squid were in my room, so I stayed up 'til like 2 watching Lie to Me with Cam and a half passed out Logan.

Then, I passed the fuck out. Was so tired.

Now it's almost noon, and I gotta get in the shower! Gotta clean myself, eat, make candy skulls, and get the fuck downtown as soon as possible.

Tonight: madness takes its toll.

'CAUSE IMMA BE DOIN' THE TIIIIIIMEEE WAAARP!

Obviously,

I was a little freaked out earlier.

I took a nap.

I am fine now.

Just drowsy. :)

I was gonna post a pic of Drowsy the Pokemon, so I googled him, and I got this, and it's much cuter, so:

Love...

so intense... good lord.

There's Greg. You guys know who he is.

& there's Nebraska. Some of you guys know who he is.

I can't talk about Nebraska. I can't think about him too much.

I still have his ring... man.

It's been so long, and I still choke up. Holy God. Still think about October 19th... January 15th... and of course April 29th...

I still remember turning away at the airport... the ride there... the music... everything...

My brain is so blown right now. I don't even know what to do...

Two weeks, frozen in our minds, for us to cherish forever...

But guys, don't talk to me about this one. 'Cause I've got Cameron to worry about and it'd take forever to explain. I've also got to read a book. The entire book.

(Look at me procrastinating like a pro!)

I just... wanted to post something.

I just... uuuuuuuugghh. :(

This week man, shit.

Giants need to win again tonight. It'll de-stress me again.
C'mon broski bros!

Whoa...

You're still there... :)

Mind = blown.

I hope Kitten is doing well! ^^/

HEY YOU MOTHERFUCKS

Today is gonna be awesome.

'Kaaaaaaay?

Gonna go to music soon enough... give Riley his bracelet... (!)

then go to Lit, tell my TA that Cam is dying, give this poor girl her mutilated paper back,

eat some foods,

take Cam to the health center.

AND THEN WATCH THE WORLD SERIES! YAAAAHOOOO :)

It's not really going to be an exceptional day.

Just a good one. Good mood. Woohoo!

Whoops.

I guess somehow something happened to not allow anonymous commenting. I prolly got fed up with a troll or two... but anyway fixed it to allow anyone to comment whenever the hell they want.

Cool.

Blahblahblahblahblahblah

I feel a post coming around sometime soon...

I Feel Like Logan Will Appreciate This:

Mooski #15 Defying Gravity - Chris Colfer (Glee Cast)

I love this song. And I love Kurt's version.

Now I Feel Like Writing More

I just feel... so sad... so uncaring... it's such a weird thing for me.

There's like 5 or 6 of my good friends in my front room right now, and I'm sitting in here griping about life... ARGGHH

Not going to Fish Rap, either. Ug I'm a bad person. But I just feel so awful today...

So lonely.

Bleh. I can't think of more stuff to say. I'm just listening to soft music and it's making me relax a lot...

I really want a cuddle buddy. :(
...but I just can't...

I can't wait until next weekend. It'll be fun. :)

Not that this weekend wasn't, Friday was quite possibly one of the best parties ever, but yeah. Saturday I started feeling the way I do now. Hmmm.

Oh. World. I've really enjoyed watching the Giants games... they're in the World Series now so Riley is super smiley, which is nice, and it's just been cool to take part in something. I guess. Aha.

Bleeeeeeeh. I miss Cindy. I miss Brittainy. I miss Matty, and Chris... and my Nicolie. ♥

I'd miss Jacob too, if we weren't in the middle of pretending the other person doesn't exist. XD

Whatever bro...

So Apathetic II

So, I just kind of feel so horrible that I don't give any fucks anymore.

0 Fucks.

I've kinda given up on... like everything...

Save school, of course! School is always there.

But at the time I'm utterly convinced that nobody is going to be interested in me for a long time -- and what's worse is I feel like I'm not really going to be interested in anyone for a long time. I feel silly. I gave Nebraska up so I could explore... and now I'm sitting here writing. Writing because I'm sad. I'm not good. Bubbly Darlene can prevail through this, but y'know... fuckin' fins... there's always so much more going on inside of me. Even though I write this blog, I'm not as honest as I used to be. I've got an audience. Maybe all of my walls will tumble down one day... maybe.

And I know it's stupid... but I feel like because of my face, people take a look at me and put me into the friend zone like that.

I know who I am. I love who I am. I'm a good person and fun to be around. People tend to flock toward me. But I've got all this shit on my face. Stupid acne. Stupid blemishes, blotches. I just never feel beautiful. Never feel pretty. I'm always looking at other people... always comparing... The guys will always just see me as their friend... not that I especially want to date any of my guys, but y'know. It'd be kinda nice to be a girl instead of Darlene. I've always been the girl with the guys. The girl with the really pretty friends that guys drool over... Nobody is going to look at me and be like, "Man, I want to meet her." People only start to like me after they've known me for a while. I look and feel like a scrub every single freakin' day... I don't wear things that would make me feel sexy, because I'm just not. Fuckin' Asher has said that to my face, even. Sexy is just not me. Too many self-esteem issues.

I obsess over this like a person who obsesses over their weight. It bothers me everyday, 'cause I gotta look at myself everyday to put makeup on... UGGGGGGGH. I can only hide so much. Besides, I still feel unattractive.

Well, everyone just kind of came in. I don't really feel like writing much more. Ug ug ug.

List of People from Last Night:

All of these people were in/out of the apt. last night. I feel proud.

1. Me
2. Cameron
3. Ana
4. Tanner
5. Dylan
6. Riley
7. Julia
8. Kendal
9. Casey
10. Phillip
11. Freshman
12. Logan
13. Mark
14. Jasmine
15. Angela
16. Rubino
17. Michael Block
18. Pranov
19. Linus
20. Cory
21. Stephanie
22. British Jon
23. Ryan
24. Faye

Maaaaaaaan, it was good!

My Broski

Photobucket rearranged how they do things or something... so this video came up.

I feel like this is like 3 years old. My brother looks more like a man now.



I don't think there's anything else after like 30 seconds.

The Calm Before the Storm

I feel it. On the horizon. Something is coming.

Gonna be interesting to see how it plays out.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAMEROON!

This blog post is late, but no less legit.

We've had a wonderful amazing friendship
& I don't ever want to see the end of it! ♥

Mooski #14 Yeah x3 - Chris Brown

Don't really care about the song a whole lot, but a person I know from high school is one of the main back-up dancers, and that's really cool. He's also the white kid doing the back flips. WTF.

Fuck yeah Kyle Cordova. Makin' Rancho not look like hell! :)



Oh and the kid like, "Look it's Chris Brown!" HELLA cracks me upp!

Lit Close Reading #2

Darlene McCoy
Madeline McDonald Lane
LIT1
21 October 2010

Song of the Solar Eclipse

    Religion has been present in human society for a countless number of years. It influences a multitude of different aspects of life - including music. In fact, the first music was written for purposes of worship. A particular song of this century that has struck a chord is "Stare at the Sun" by the alternative rock band, Thrice. The tune, written by Dustin Kensrue, Thrice's vocalist, and a devout Christian at the time, has a much deeper meaning that what meets the casual listener's eyes and mind. The unsuspecting listener must be aware of specific Biblical references and read the the lyrics metaphorically to attempt to understand this existential poem to its full extent.
    The first verse begins with the lyrics, "I sit here clutching useless lists / and keys for doors that don't exist." The word "clutching" has already begun to paint a picture in the listener's mind. To "clutch" is to grip or hold tightly or firmly, as one would do with pieces of papers he is frustrated with. "Useless" further emphasizes the lyricist's discontent with his "lists" because of the negative connotation associated with the word. These "lists" may very well be scriptures. "Keys for doors that don't exist" would be quite useless, indeed, and are another example of something the lyricist has attained, but is unable to use to quite frankly, open the door to understanding. The next line, "I crack my teeth on pearls," connects to a passage in the book of Matthew: "Give not what is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before the swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you." Only by knowing this passage does this line come into the light of full comprehension. The distraught lyricist is explaining that he is incapable of understanding the value of the "pearls" presented to him; he is human swine, and  he can do no more than the simple, pointless act of cracking his teeth on them. The line, "I tear into the history" adds another area where he has searched, and found nothing. The last line of the first verse, "just show me what it means to me in this world." is a plea for understanding.
    The lead line of the second verse is, "I see the parts but not the whole," or simply put, "I can understand some, but not all." It is followed by: "I study saints and scholars both / no perfect plan unfurls" - another example of the lyricist's search. He has studied both reason and religion, but nothing comes to him. "No perfect plan unfurls" because he is human; not divine, and only God is aware of the perfect plan - a point made numerous times in the Bible. He is only able to act according to his humanity. "Do I trust my heart or just my mind" is the lyricist's questioning of following either faith or reason, and then the next line, "Why is truth so hard to find in this world," rounds the second verse out in a neat package of frustration.
    In the third verse, the lyricist gives additional examples of actions he has taken in attempt to understand: "I know that there's a point I've missed / a shrine or stone I haven't kissed / a scar that never graced my wrist / a mirror that hasn't met my fist." He has either missed some point of reason, not been faithful enough, not felt enough pain, or not expressed enough frustration. He cannot find the reason for his inability to understand. He knows that somewhere in the world, there is more.
    "'Cause I am due for a miracle," is the first line of the chorus. The lyricist is begging to understand, and because he is human, he is aware that the only way for him to attain that understanding is through a miracle. Christians are taught that God will come to them in the form of some sort of sign, and "I'm waiting for a sign" conveys that he has waited for his sign, and it has not yet come. He is still searching. The rest of the chorus, "I'll stare straight into the sun / And I won't close my eyes / 'Till I understand or go blind" is the whole point of the song. It is the matrix. Psalms 84:11 reads: "For the Lord God is a sun and shield: the Lord will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from the that walk uprightly." With this knowledge, the sun mentioned in "I'll stare straight into the sun" becomes more than the giant hydrogen-burning star in the sky. The sun is God. The lyricist will follow God, and will continue to follow him - even through the pain induced by staring at the sun - as denoted by the line, "And I won't close my eyes." He will follow until he finally understands or loses the capability to search for understanding - "'Till I understand or go blind." He will do so because he has faith that God will give grace and glory to those who walk uprightly.
    "Stare at the Sun" was written for far more than simple entertainment or the dollars earned through record sales. Thrice has stated that, "We've always tried to do a little more than just make music." The band donates a portion of the proceeds from record sales to a charity of their choice. To believe and have faith in a being that is intangible is a burden on the mind. Dustin Kensrue, the lyricist, wrote this piece to aid those who may be questioning their faith. He is sympathizing with them: he understands that keeping faith can be frustrating. The human condition can be frustrating. Not having the ability to understand can be frustrating. He wrote the lyrics to connect with his listeners, to let them know he understands that frustration, and even the pain they may be experiencing. He has experienced this questioning of faith - and come to a conclusion. They must keep believing. They must stare at the sun; because those who stare all their lives will be rewarded. This much deeper and more meaningful message could not be derived to its full extent without knowing the reference to Matthew in the first verse, the idea that God is perfect, and that the sun is a metaphor for God. Without these integrated aspects, "Stare at the Sun" would be a simple song expressing frustration with being human.

Stare at the Sun

I sit here clutching useless lists
and keys for doors that don't exist
I crack my teeth on pearls
I tear into the history
just show me what it means to me in this world

'cause I am due for a miracle
I'm waiting for a sign
I'll stare straight into the sun
and I won't close my eyes
'til I understand or go blind

I see the parts but not the whole
I study saints and scholars both
no perfect plan unfurls
do I trust my heart or just my mind
why is truth so hard to find in this world
yeah in this world

'cause I am due for a miracle
I'm waiting for a sign
I'll stare straight into the sun
and I won't close my eyes
'til I understand or go blind

I know that there's a point I've missed
a shrine or stone I haven't kissed
a scar that never graced my wrist
a mirror that hasn't met my fist
but I can't help feeling like I'm

due for a miracle
I'm waiting for a sign
I'll stare straight into the sun
and I won't close my eyes

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAAAARK

You know I love you! Yahoo!

:D

So Apathetic...

blah blah blah blah lifffffeee

Yaaaaaaaawwwwwwnnn

Off to Western Music~ then Lit Discussion, then the Farmer's Market with my MJ Delyani! ♥

Random .gifs II

Your Ghetto Name:

lolI'mbored.

My name: Queshagurlobamanaytanay

My Life is Okay.

Yep. Okay.

Not good, not great, not oh man, I'm rivalin' Santa's jollyness,

but it's okay.

So I don't get everything I want. That's okay.

Okaaaaaaaaay.

Blarg. Whatever! Ahaaaaaaa

I'm sick. Stupid plague.

BUT I still went dancin' last night. Was so fun. ♥

Though I'm sad Mark didn't really have a good time. More than likely just not his thing. I love him anyway. :)

Cory and I taught Logan how to dance. It was spectacular.

And Tanner was awesome to dance with!! SO FUN! :D

I sang myself hoarse. Ugh.

Typing is so much easier than speaking right now.

Oh God I just coughed on my laptop's screen. Hell dude... XD

I finished The Guild. :( Need something new to watch... prolly will do Firefly finally.

It's so weird, being in on a Saturday night. I feel like I need to be doing things. Or be nothere. It's good to take a break though, especially because my abs are going to be super ripped from coughing so much! Yeeeeeeaaaaah...

Ryan's off seeing Brytnny. I bet they're so adorably happy right now! I'm happy knowing that they're having a good time. ♥

So there's this guy in my dance class that's really cute and friendly, but I can't figure out if he's gay or not. lol. Everyone says it could be either way! ARGH! hah

Bleeeeeeeeeeeh... kinda don't really care anyway.

More things! Going to Fish Rap on Tuesday! Told James Shea I'd be there tonight. :] So exciting!! I LOVE FRL!

Oh. I can go to FRL! because I dropped stupid LALS 80G. Good prof., but too much work for me to want to take the class for just freakin' GEs. GEs are so damned easy to get, why stress myself out over a class I could give 0 fucks about?

Now I'm in Earth Catastrophes with Cam, Miguel, and Logan. So exciting. Even though I basically just sleep through it. Whatever. I liked the killer meteors movie. I WAS AWAKE FOR IT!!

Blah blah blah blah blah... blah.

D-hall sucked tonight. Fuckin' College 8.

Went to Sushi Totoro on Friday. Was fantastic. Tried mocchi (sp?) for the first time. So amazingly delicious. Gummy ice cream stuff omg yay mouth so happy...

I don't freakin' know dude. I'm just okay. Maybe I'd be happy if I weren't sick. Don't really know, don't really care, because I'm sick anyway! Woo....

Casey's big audition is tomorrow. I hope for everyone and the world's sake that she makes it. I feel like she's got a good chance, but yeah, it's all up to them.

I'm listening to Prince now. Love him. Especially 'cause we're dancin' to New Position in jazz dance. LOVE JAZZ DANCE.

Man, this is a lot of ADD rambling. Meh. Whaaaaaaateveeeeer. What else do I have to do? Right. Nothing.

I got a bodice today. Gonna rock Rocky Horror like a damned pro. It's gonna be so hot. Ehehehehehee. >:)

Yeah... well.... I think I'm done for now. Yep.

Happy Birthday Blog!

You're offically 2 years old now!

Yay you!

Mooski #13 You Belong With Me -Taylor Swift

I've got such a soft spot for this girl. Really.
Also: video is hella cute. XD

I'm Fightin' My Feelings

...and it's not going so well.

My brain just doesn't understand... ug...

Songs I Want to Learn!

• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/m/muse/starlight_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/m/muse/bliss_acoustic_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/m/muse/cant_take_my_eyes_off_you_ver2_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/m/muse/endlessly_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/m/muse/hysteria_ver2_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/m/muse/supermassive_black_hole_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/m/muse/time_is_running_out_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/m/muse/undisclosed_desires_ver3_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/t/thrice/stare_at_the_sun_acoustic_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/a/ac_dc/you_shook_me_all_night_long_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/j/jimmy_eat_world/the_middle_ver2_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/j/jimmy_eat_world/pain_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/k/kaiser_chiefs/ruby_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/k/kings_of_leon/use_somebody_ver3_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/o/offspring/want_you_bad_ver2_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/f/foo_fighters/best_of_you_ver4_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/k/keith_urban/kiss_a_girl_ver2_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/t/thrice/artist_in_the_ambulance_acoustic_ver2_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/t/taylor_swift/you_belong_with_me_ver3_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/a/all-american_rejects/swing_swing_ver2_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/s/starship/nothings_gonna_stop_us_now_ver2_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/p/plain_white_ts/1_2_3_4_ver5_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/p/plain_white_ts/our_time_now_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/r/relient_k/best_thing_ver4_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/s/switchfoot/stars_ver2_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/0-9/30_seconds_to_mars/kings_and_queens_ver3_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/0-9/30_seconds_to_mars/the_kill_ver2_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/0-9/30_seconds_to_mars/vox_populi_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/b/blink_182/all_the_small_things_crd.htm
• http://tabs.ultimate-guitar.com/b/blink_182/first_date_ver2_crd_972766id_30072010date.htm
• http://tabs.ultimate-guitar.com/b/blink_182/i_miss_you_ver6_crd_987453id_13092010date.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/b/bloodhound_gang/bad_touch_ver2_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/m/metro_station/shake_it_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/t/this_providence/my_beautiful_rescue_crd.htm
• http://tabs.ultimate-guitar.com/y/yellowcard/only_one_ver2_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/a/adam_lambert/for_your_entertainment_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/a/adam_lambert/mad_world_ver4_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/a/adam_lambert/whataya_want_from_me_ver7_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/b/boys_like_girls/thunder_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/l/lifehouse/hanging_by_a_moment_ver4_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/l/linkin_park/in_the_end_ver2_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/t/taylor_swift/love_story_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/b/bobby_mcferrin/dont_worry_be_happy_ver4_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/b/bon_jovi/its_my_life_ver4_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/b/bon_jovi/you_give_love_a_bad_name_crd.htm
• http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/f/fountains_of_wayne/stacys_mom_ver2_crd.htm

Lit1 Close Reading #1

Darlene McCoy
Madeline McDonald Lane
LIT1
7 October 2010

Attitude in the Anders

Anders, the protaganist in Tobais Wolff’s short story, “Bullet in the Brain”, is a broken man. The loves of his life - simple words, phrases, passages - no longer bring him the joy they once used to. Anders is a book critic, and he does not take his job lightly. He is a man to be feared and abhorred in the literary world, for he, "dispatches almost everything he reviews with a weary, elegant savagrey" (190). Yet, even feared critics need to visit the local bank from time to time to take care of ordinary matters - it's just a shame that poor Anders had no idea that it would be his last.
At the opening of the short story, Anders is standing in a too large for reason line behind two women having a "loud, stupid conversation," and it puts him in a rather snotty mood. When the teller attending the giant line closes her position, one of the women turns around and makes a comment about it, looking for Anders' approval. Being the amazingly sarcastic person he is, Anders responds, "Damned unfair. Tragic, really. If they're not chopping off the wrong leg, or bombing your ancestral village, they're closing off their positions" (190). The woman turns around to look at her friend for her approval of her displeasure with Anders, but her friend’s attention is on others in the room. These others, men in blue suits and ski masks, approach the bank’s guard and put a pistol to his neck. The man holding the pistol yells across the room, "One of you tellers hits the alarm, you're all dead meat. Got it?" (191). Anders, once again, replies as any gutsy, snappy, sardonic book critic in the situation would, "Oh bravo," he says, "Dead meat,” and then turning to his already insulted lady-aquaintance from earlier, “Great script, eh? The stern, brass-knuckled poetry of the dangerous classes” (191).
As the robbery scence progresses, Anders continues to make his backhanded bitter comments, and they finally draw the attention of the man with the pistol. The man pushes the weapon into Anders’ stomach, which Anders notes because it tickles him, and instead of laughing, he fixes his gaze on the man’s eyes because he figures that laughing in front of a rather batty man with a loaded gun is not an idea that would be beneficial to the prolonging of his life. Because staring contests are somewhat awkward, the criminal asks Anders, in quite the vulgar manner, to stop. Anders looks down then, to the man’s shoes, which he also apparently does not approve of, since he then uses the gun to prop up Anders’ chin, forcing him to stare at the ceiling of the bank.
Anders, once again, on instinct, begins to criticize the art adorning the ceiling. He describes it as, “Even worse than he remembered, and [that] all of it [was] executed with utmost gravity” (192). He especially takes note of a scene in which Zeus and Europa are portrayed as a bull eying a rather scandalous cow. The cow’s “canted hips” and “long, droopy eyelashes” create quite the ruckus in Anders’ brain, and his amusement annihilates his attempts at a serious demeanor. The criminal detects Anders’ breaking of face, and demands of him, “What’s so funny, bright boy?” to which Anders replies, “Nothing.” The robber then adds, “You fuck with me again, you’re history. Capiche?” (192).
Anders cannot help himself. The poor man’s attempts to hold back his laughter finally prove to be futile. He bursts out laughing, and the criminal replies by raising the gun, and shooting the satirical best-seller slaughterer in the head. Ironically, Anders’ life flashes before his eyes - but he does not see his first love, his wife, or his daughter before the bullet exits his brain - he recounts only a memory from his childhood. He remembers the intense heat of a summer day on a baseball field, the local neighborhood boys chatting about something he perceived as so trivial it was oppressive, and a certain boy’s words. These words, these grammatically incorrect, piercing words, “They is. They is. They is,” echo throughout Anders’ brain during the last milliseconds of his life. He recalls his feelings toward them - how he was roused and elated by their total unexpectedness; how that unexpectedness was music to his ears. The bullet bids farewell to its delicate jelly-like obstruction, taking with it, its “comet tail of memory and hope and talent and love” (193). Then his life ends. Anders is no more.
Authors, writers, and poets do not always simply write for pleasure. While the wit written into this short tale is quite entertaining all on its own - “Bullet in the Brain” does have an actual meaning behind its creation. This man - this Anders - is presented as a grumbling, ill-tempered, querulous person who has worked in such a quantity, and with such quality that the joy he used to receive from doing so is naught but a childhood memory. He can no longer appreciate the one thing in the world he loved more than any other; he can no longer appreciate the power of words, and because he cannot, he cannot be genuinely content with any other aspect of his life. Even on the threshold of death, he is incapable of remembering certain points in his life that one would think to be significant - nothing but the misguided phrase “They is.” “They is” - the simple, mindless, alluring phrase spoken by a bumbling boy on a summer’s day - the unexpected and beautiful incorrectness that Anders could never tire of; the odd bliss he felt in the core of his mind: “They is” is all he could remember, because it was one thing in the world that had the ability to entrance him. He extracts this memory of happiness from some corner of his mind, and then the bullet snatches it from him. Anders’ happiness, the echoing words, leave him in the “comet tail of memory and hope and talent and love” (193). At this point in the time, the reader feels some sort of remorse for this misery of a once man, now corpse. But why? Why does the reader feel anything for this antagonizing man? Anders never lived his life the way Tobias Wolff implies that he should have. And what is Wolff implying? Live life to its fullest, because life sometimes ends abruptly and unexpectedly. Do not get caught up in the solemn seriousness of life, because the not-so-serious experiences in life will be missed, and honestly, what else is there to do in life but live, and let live?

"Look At Me Go! :("

So the craziness that is apparently an innate part of B5 hit like a truck the other day.

I'm not going to go into a lot of it -- but OH MAN. Fucking insane shit, dude.

Let's put it this way... Logan and Kendal had a "talk."

Annnnnnnnnd now he's not really so much allowed to be near the downtown house.

Yep.

I found out yesterday -- duuuuuuurrr. Logan's a close friend of mine, of course I know, right?! hah

Anyway, I'm going to not post my opinions on things (right now?). I honestly don't even know what my opinions are... I just want my friends to be okay. :(

But! I do want to say... to either of you, 'cause y'know, both of ya'll read this here blogger-thingger, if you need to talk... please come find me. Even if I have a mountain of LALS homework (which I probably will ~.~), I will sit and chat with you for as long as you need. It's what friends do! ♥

I love you both. Lots. :]

There's also going to be another post later as to why I was pissed as fuck last night.

Mini-rant, go! Yahoooo!

For the Lawls.

"Hey what's up you silly fuck?!"
"Don't call me a fuck!"
"...but you're my favorite fuck!"

*facepaaaaaalm

♥

I Really Like This...

Ganked from Frankie's Tumblr.

It’s the details that I can’t get enough of. It’s the difference in the sizes of our hands; your fingers and knuckles make mine look like twigs. It’s the way I have to tilt my head back and look up at you to say, “Bitch.” It’s the way you could crush me if you hugged me just a little too hard. It’s just a fetish for that one place I can unabashedly confess, “I’m fragile,” in a world where I have to know, have to believe, and have to yell, “I’m unbreakable.”

Just Amusing.

Mooski #12 Kings and Queens - 30 Seconds to Mars

I like them. It's a good song. :)

There's no actual meaning to this song other than I enjoy the music.

That's a first! Hah

Overview of the Weekend

K so -- things started out with Date Night!

Which went really well. Like really, really well.

Exceeeeeeept for the fact that for some God awful stupid reason I don't like him.

Stupid stupid stupid. ARGH.

Anyway, realization of not liking said person so much killed half a Saturday with bad feelings.

Then people showed up.

And there was booze.

And I was intoxicated quickly.

And bad feelings sort of went away. 

Freshman gave me a lot of candy! And Red Bull! Mmmmmm! :]

Then Michael showed up... some balls were tripped.

I think I spent time in my room then, trying not to freak out, I guess.

I ended up wandering between my room and the living room...

Theeeen I pulled Logan out to talk...

Admitted that I still like him 'n stuff... (!)

Talked about some other things...

annnnnnd sort of cried all over him a little bit...

Oh dear.

After talking with Logan, I went upstairs to talk to Ryan...

Who of course, just made me feel better. Gotta love Ryan!

After that, it was like 11 already and we proceeded to leave Porter and head to Rayne's.

Housewarming party, of course!

Finally got to talk to Michael. Thanks Logan for shoving me out the door!  Everything there is now "fixed."

We were having a blast there (lesbian orgy in the closet! ♥), but her new housemates freaked Rayne out and stuff...

Which, y'know, turned things a little sour. Just a little.

We headed out at like... 2 - 2:30? Dunno. Just went to Kendal's place for a bit. Alec and Logan ended up crashing there... They have a really freaking cute kitty.

Left Kendal's at like 3 AM, got back to Porter, and proceeded to pass the fuck out.

Now it's morning... and I'm just like... holy good fuck, what the hell do I do with my life?

I guess I should take a shower. Go eat at the d-hall. Do normal things.

I did everything I wanted to last night... mission accomplished... but I didn't really think of what might happen this week and today. Kind of worried because some shit did go down last night.

Well. Actually. I don't think anything is going to happen. I'm just gonna go back to being somewhat lonely single me who has hardly any interest in anyone. I feel like I have a switch... and someone turned it off... or that somehow, I've learned to be so emotionally detached to people though the craziness of my life, that it's hard for me to have feelings for anyone outside of my friend group. Geeeeeeeeeeez my brain hurts.

Oh and most of Porter now knows I'm crazy as fuck. I'm not really the most quiet person.

OH WELL. :)

Tonight

Shit Fuck Tits Balls Assholes ARGH Doom Destruction Sleep Sleepy ARGH Damnit.

ARGH THE WORLD

Man, I feel like crap.

Tonight is going to be intense.

All Bad.

I've been on some awesome dates in the past two weeks.

But there's still no emotional attachment for me...

ARGH!

I like this guy 'cause he's cute, nice, tells me I'm pretty and is a damned good kisser... I guess.

Dunno...

Dear problem, fix yourself? Please?

Lots of Links, Lots of Music

http://www.8notes.com/scores/9544.asp?ftype=gif
http://www.8notes.com/scores/2531.asp?ftype=gif
http://www.8notes.com/scores/2793.asp?ftype=gif
http://www.8notes.com/scores/7133.asp?ftype=gif
http://www.8notes.com/scores/2741.asp?ftype=gif
http://www.8notes.com/scores/9953.asp?ftype=gif
http://www.8notes.com/scores/9980.asp?ftype=gif
http://www.8notes.com/scores/10010.asp?ftype=gif
http://www.8notes.com/scores/7383.asp?ftype=gif
http://www.8notes.com/scores/10194.asp?ftype=gif
http://www.8notes.com/scores/10083.asp?ftype=gif
http://www.8notes.com/scores/10084.asp?ftype=gif
http://www.8notes.com/scores/9899.asp?ftype=gif
http://www.8notes.com/scores/10637.asp?ftype=gif

When I Said It Was Nothing...

I lied. :(

Sorry.

Fuck Yeah Ellen.

This is important.

Please watch it.

Long live Ellen!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Br7nbQSIyhg

Mooski #11 Swing Life Away - Rise Against

This song makes me think of someone special... ♥

Intense...

Onion Article: There Was Definitely A Point During That Stoning Where We All Thought, 'Is This Weird?'

http://www.theonion.com/articles/there-was-definitely-a-point-during-that-stoning-w,18165/

College Year Two So Far...

Fucking-fan-tastic!

Honestly, I don't know what could go wrong right now.

Don't have to deal with any shit & roommates are legit!

(See what I did there!)

Well, one's a little creepy drunk, but whatever.

I think I could be considered a little creepy drunk...

Maybe...

Whaaaaaaateveeeer!

Okay so let's talk about THE FIRST DAY.

The first person I saw was none other than my Cameroon, who was wearing just about the coolest purple shirt I've ever seen. And y'know, I've seen a lot of neat purple stuff. I was so excited to see him I was SHAKING. Overreaction, much? Yes. Oh well. I love Cam!
Saw Tanner as I was carrying a bunch of pillows to my new found home (an awesome apartment, in Porter's G-UNIT!) and just basically yelled "TANNER!" and tried to look as happy as possible with uh... like 5 pillows in my arms. I ended up giving him a hug later.

I think I saw Alec next. After I called his little brother Alec. Ooops. That was minorly horrible. Then I started to see people one by one, I think I ran into Logan, and then Dylan and Cory... I dunno. Don't remember now. And for the record, Dylan gave me the best hug by far, but Cory was bringin' the heat. Not like she doesn't naturally, anyway, but yeah. You go girl!

And I've got to mention Logan more because he said he reads my blog and that made me smile!
Er... and by mention I mean I want to write something nice to tell him how much I appreciate him. 'Cause c'mon, everyone can use that right?

K SO! I met Logan in creative writing last year. We became fast friends because we bonded over all the crappy things going on in our lives... and y'know, we enjoyed each other's company as well. (Not to mention Josh and Dana's) Either way, we'd walk back to Porter from 9/10 or sometimes to Fish Rap (he'd go with me, and it made me so happy!) And I remember one night Mark, Cam and I were at Cafe Rev, and all of us ended up playing Pirate Life. Which consisted of awesomenss and ganging up on Mark and Cameron. YEEEESSS! Well anyway, after that fun, we all went back to the B5 lounge where everyone else was completely trashed. People drinking straight vodka out of coffee mugs, etc. We played Apples to Apples until like 4 AM, and after a night of intense fun and games, c'mon, you just gotta be friends for a while! Luckily, that happened. THEN, of course, 'cause I'm crazy as hell and prefer to sabotage my friendships apparently, I developed a crush on him... and he wasn't interested and he handled it very well! I am very appreciative of that, and we're still awesome friends because we both handled it right.

Anyway, that's a quick run-down on Logan. All you need to know essentially though is he's awesome.

So things I'd like to say:

You are seriously a really, really, really wonderful person and I'm so glad I got to meet you! I can't believe that anyone would ever think you to be an asshole. You were the first person at college who I felt like could really understand how it was for me at home... and our timing in meeting was near flawless. I'm so glad I made such a good friend when I was in such need! I was so upset about Mark, and you so... just angry that your people were treating you like crap, and we were each other's vent and it was so good! Because you didn't know anyone! I could bitch and whine and moan and say whatever the hell I pleased because somehow I guess I knew it was okay. I dunno. You were just a really wonderful thing that happened to me last year who helped me get through mindless bullshit, and I just wanted to let you know, since you read this, and you def deserve to be told how awesome you are more often. I have a lot of fun being your friend, because you're one of the most entertaining people I've EVER met, and I hope we have more years of... just plain 'ole happiness to come!

♥ Darlene

I always feel like I seem weird and kind of obsessive when I write on this blog, but honestly, I just care so much for people and I don't see anything wrong in letting them know. Wouldn't the world be a better place if more people did so, anyway?

Erm. Done with huge sidetrack. Aha!

Let's continue with the first day -- and by day I mean night, because the other parts of daylight consisted of me running around far too much for my own personal hygiene and lung capacity.

Anyway, our friends have a house off campus.
With a 7/11 next door.
We had booze.
We had friends.
There was excitement.
& we had fun.

And by FUN I mean Logan did the dishes at like 3-4 AM and cut himself with a cutco knife.

I dunno how that's fun, but we all had a good night!

I dunno what else exactly to say about that night, except for I got in to my apartment at 6:30 AM.

Was kind of proud of myself. Welcome back to college, eh?!

Monday I slept in. A lot. Then decorated my room. It looks rockin'.

Tuesday I spent a good part of the day grocery shopping with the friendlies. Then we went to the bookstore, hung out for a bit, and proceeded to go to the Boardwalk Frolic whiiiccch was lame as shit. I shall never attend it again. Also had to wait an hour for the bus to get to te metro that night. Fuck that shit. In the butt.

Weds was pretty sweet. Woke up early-ish, hung out for a while, went to Casey's, saw her awesome Halloween costume, told her I love her 'cause I do, and played some Shithead. Went back to my place to find Ryan preparing for his jazz audition (which of course, he did well on, duh!) Hung out for a big to find Cam, Tanner, Dylan and Cory at my door telling me it was time to see Scott Pilgrim. I'm so glad I went. That movie was phenomenal. So entertaining.

Which leads to some interesting developments!

After Scott Pilgrim, we went to the D-hall, ate the good noms, and went back to Tanner and Dylan's to watch Glee. I got to watch most of Glee. Most of it. Because Michael Block called me 5 minutes before it ended to tell me he was on campus to visit! EXCITING!

Anyway. Hung out with him until like, midnight. All was well. Really well. I might like him now well. Then it was today and I had to get up at the crack of dawn. Horray. Fuckin' class.
BUUUUUT Michael was back after class and that was exciting! Except he was bored. Because I'm a bad hostess (BUT A GOOD CUPCAKE!!) but that's okay. Then Cam and I had lunch, and I went to my jazz dance class, which was as amazing as I had expected it to be. Hell to the fuck yeah. Coming back from class I ran into Michael again!! And he came over again! ARGH SO EXCITED. But then Ryan came over and Michael seriously may like Ryan more than me. The broffection, it is so intense. He left around 6-ish, I think. I dunno. Nuffin' happened. Tomorrow he's coming around again, and we're going to go see Fight Club at the Del Marr and it's going to be awesome. Hello date night! Yahoo!

Anyway, college so far this year has been freaking amazing. So freaking amazing.

I'll update you more when I can, dear blogger, but I'm gonna have a metric shitton of work to do soon! Oh nooooooooooooess! :(

Mooski #10 Bliss - Muse

HOLY SHIT ON A STICK THERE IS NO MUSE IN MY MOOSKI THINGGER-NESS

Well, there's a reason behind that...

I like to post the actual music videos... but whatever.

This song is so good, it doesn't matter!

One of my favorites from them, which says something... 'cause I love ALL of their stuff ha!



Actual video here. It's pretty neat! (And by neat I mean Bellalicious XD!)

No Way In Hell I'm Actually Sleeping Tonight!

SO MOTHERFUCKIN' FREAKIN' EXCITED TO SEE EVERYONE TOMORROW OMG.

I like reading Kendal's blog. Ehehehehehe. :D

AND I like Kendal.

I can't wait to see her tomorrow! And Mark, and CAMEROON, and Ryan, and Liz, and Julia, and Dylan and Tanner and Asher and Pranov and Casey and Riley and Miguel and Rubnio and Jon and the rest of the Crownies and oh my GOD EVERYBODY and I'm so freaking excited THAT I might even be a little excited to see Alec. And Allyson. I hope we can not be crazy people this year and work things out. Or just like, y'know, pretend the other person doesn't exist if we can't. lol EITHER WAY. HOLY SHIT EXCITED.

I want an amazing hug from Cameron. He's really good at giving them!
I'm going to receive an amazing one from Dylan for sure though, he guaranteed it!

GOD I'M JUST SO EXCITED

AND GOING TO BE SO TIRED

GOTTA GET UP IN LIKE 5 HOURS

CAPS LOCK KEEEEEEEEEY

ONOMNONMNOMNOMNNMNONM.

Saved my last bowl of fruit loops for this morning.
And I've got an apple fritter.
And apple juice.

BREAKFAST OF CHAMPIONS, MOTHAFUCKAAA

o.o

This year is gonna be good.

So good.

I just can't believe it's finally here! I get to go back to SC! SO EXCITING!!

OH AND DEAR BLOGGER, DEAR DEAR BLOGGER,

KATIE BUTLER IS APPLYING TO UCSC.
KATIE BUTLER IS APPLYING TO UCSC.
KATIE BUTLER IS APPLYING TO UCSC.

There's going to be a second person from Rancho, bitches!

And I might possibly grow a backbone because of it.

She is my mentor in bitchy-ness... ahahahahha ♥

Man, I'm so excited. SO EXCITED.

Can't even think of different words.

Brain is too cluttered with OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

/dancedance~

Who WOULDN'T want to see these people again?! Ahahahaha!

Last Day in the 'Cho!

Holy God, it's finally here!

I'll be back in SC tomorrow!!

Saying goodbye to the wonderful people here has been hard, though.

Got a lot closer with a lot of people over the summer, and I'm gonna miss them a whooole lot.
(and the delicious sushi associated with them!)

Cindy, of course, made my summer awesome. So many shopping trips, lots of cheese filled pretzels, Easy A, and camping! Man, we had such a GOOD summer!

I think I've got to give Matt a lot of credit for making my summer as well... whenever I was down/upset/raging he always made me feel better. And he gives awesome hugs!

Chris & Brittainy made me smile quite a bit as well, because everyone started to get along really well and it was wonderful!

Jacob and I had a bunnch of ups and downs. All I've gotta say for us is the summer was epic.
and y'know, meeting Smolich was neat, because, as Matt says, "The dude just leaks awesome."

College Group made my summer significantly better, too. I wish people could understand it's awesomeness. I'm going to miss it a lot! 
I was excited to get to know some people there better! (Dean, Jeph, Bryce, Phil, Aaron, Bree) They're all awesome. And seeing Daniel again was really cool. :) It was so relaxing, so comforting, especially when I had a million things running through my mind... like when grandpa passed... urrrrggg

I dunno what else to say, really. I just had a good summer and I'm really happy I got to spend it with super-cool people! Sort of sad it's over now, but hey, Rancho, we had a good run this year.

WHAT IS THIS GAME?!

The "That's What She Said," it is so intense.

http://www.dorkly.com/video/2956/most-sexual-innuendos-ever?ref=nf

Cats in Ikea!

http://www.tonic.com/article/100-cats-ikea-happiness/

Because I'm Bored

• Why aren't you and the last person you kissed in a relationship?

She's my best friend's girlfriend. Teehee!

• How did you wake up this morning?

This afternoon, I woke up to stay in bed and daydream for a few hours.

• Is there anyone who has impacted your life greatly?

DUHHH

• What were you doing an hour ago?

Showering?

• Who was the last person you talked to last night before bed?

Stephen. lol

• Have you ever stayed up at night waiting for someone to call/text you back?

Nope. I value my sleep far too much.

• Do you secretly like someone?

Maybe? If I do it's kind of a secret to me, too. And who the fuck would admit they secretly liked someone if it was a secret?!

• Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

Um. Cindy & Nicole? Ryan? Rayne?

• Do you have both a loud side and a quiet side?

HOLY CRAP, I DO! I'M SO UNIQUE!

• What are you doing right now?

Obviously being useless. Lounging in my bed...

• Where did you go in a car last?

SUSHI!

• Have you ever felt replaced?

Naw G, naw. Can't replace me.

• Would you ever camp out on a beach, under the stars?

Hell yes!

• What room of your home do you spend most time in?

My room. By a lot.

• How far away is the last person you kissed?

San Jose! So about ~200 miles?

• Is the person you last texted single?

Yes. Very.

• Who all do you have texts from in your phone?

Just friends, really. Mom doesn't text. Dad doesn't exist.

• Last time you smiled because you got a text?

Um... 3 days ago?

• Have you ever liked someone you didn't expect to?

Uh. Yes.

• Who was the first person you talked to today?

Stephen?

• What time did you wake up this morning?

1 PM :]

• Are you slowly drifting away from someone right now?

Well of course. haha

• Do you like getting hugs from other people?

YEEEEEEEES. ESPECIALLY DRUNK HUGS!

• Has anything happened to you in the past month that made you really mad?

Yessire!

• Are you a loud person?

Sometimes you can't get me to shut up, other times I'm a mouse.

• Is it okay to kiss people when you're single?

Yes? Since when do you have to be in a relationship with someone to kiss them? ARE WE IN MIDDLE SCHOOL?!

• Are you in a good mood right now?

I'm pretty content. Comfortable. Love chillin' in my robe. Hehe

• Is anyone else in the room with you?

Nope.

• Is there a person in your life that can make you smile?

DUUUUUUUH. Multiple, actually!

• Don't tell me lies, so where's your boyfriend/girlfriend?

In my dreams.

• Do you take compliments well?

I need to learn how to...

• What makes you not be able to sleep?

My entire life? The dark? Random noises? The crazy shit going on in my mind?!

• Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

Probably Matt... when we were camping.

• Have you heard a song that reminds you of anyone today?

Not today. Just haven't listened to music yet though.

• Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?

Nope. Don't hate anyone, really.

• When's the last time you fell or ran into something?

Yesterday, I think. Stupid bathroom corner.

• What do you hear right now?

A whole lot of nuffin'. The buzzing of laptop's fan, maybe?

• Was last night a good night?

One of the better ones. I had a wonderful conversation with a friend I haven't talked to in a while!

• Are you talking to the person you like right now?

Nope. And not even sure I'm interested in anyone.

• Last person to send you a text that made you smile?

Um. Jon? haha

• Who's the last person to text you?

Stephen.

• Could you ever be friends again with someone that broke your heart?

Yeeeeeeeeeep. I am! ♥

I Don't

think I am classy,
think I am mature,
I just think that I am a person
who posts stuff on a blog.

Ooooooooh!

I have someone to hang out with when I get back to SC!

Y'know, besides B5?

I'm kind of excited. Ehehehehehehe. :]

TWO WEKS and the quarter begins! Man, do I miss you school!

Been talking to anyone and everyone over Facebook. Been so good to hear from people!

Just makes going back to school even more exciting. Good lord. I CAN HARDLY CONTAIN IT!

YAHOOOOOOO!!

Word of the Day: Manversated

1. verb. manversated - when a group of men talk about manly things.

"We climbed a hill, and when we got to the top we smoked some cigars and just manversated."

A friend of mine just seriously used this.

The lols, they are so intense.

Funny Finds on highDEAS

Found this site lookin' through Facebook. Ahhh, Santa Cruz.

http://highdeas.com/

It's basically MLIA for stoners.

But some of this stuff is hellllaa funny!

Here's some highLIGHTS (with some edits for grammar)
lolpuns

• "I woke up, smoked, made a cake, smoked, did some yard work, and then smoked. So I: wake, bake, bake cake, bake, rake, then bake."
• "You know how, if you get a fatal disease, the government allows you to smoke to get through the horrible pain of dying? What if when you were among the biggest losers on the planet? Do you think the government should allow you to toke up to deal with the horrible pain of failure?"
• "Count Chocula - he makes a dank-ass chocolate milk at the end of the bowl."
• "Anyone else make music in their heads sometimes? Like your own little mind band? When we can turn our head music into actual music there is going to be some fucking cool music."
• "Tonight at rugby practice, I broke my nose and it's already outrageously swollen. Unfortunately for me, I just used all my ice for my bong. I still made the right decision."
• "Drunk people blow through stop signs. High people wait for them to turn green."
• "If Johnny Bravo were still around he would totally be on Jersey Shore hittin' up Snookie."
• "If you have a lot of weed and smoke someone out, and they buy you a lot of food, did they just eat you out?"

Oh This is HELLA GOOD.

lol Starcraft.

http://www.dorkly.com/article/2634/conversations-in-the-terran-locker-room

Aggrivation, Yes Baby!

Hrmm. Kinda tempted to rant...

and seeing as I've already started a post:

Let the blood bath begin!

This one is for a friend (?) who has had his own posts before~

I know you know who you are. What I don't know is if you give a flying fuck enough anymore to even remember my blog exists.

See, now, I'm really happy that you've met someone. Honestly. It was all I was hoping for this summer. I wanted you to be happy, and now you are. Though I do find the fact that she's 16 (and just turned 16, too) pretty creepy. Not because she's immature, or anything, and I do like her, just there's a huge age difference. It's... concerning.

Why am I mad, then?

You used to always have the feeling that I was just using you until I went back to Santa Cruz, and I told you that we were actually friends. I felt so bad for so long and tried so hard to prove otherwise.

And now~

Funny how things work, right? Being used and all?

The moment you found someone new, I was out like garbage - not that I mind all that much, because you were taking one hell of a toll on my mental state, but whatever. It's just annoying, and I guess I'd say rude? I guess I might even deserve it, but yeah... thought you were working on your friendships, and your ability to maintain them? Hm.

Oh well, way to be an ass. It is indeed, the reason why I never gave you a chance. Funny that that was the exact reason you gave to Chelsea and Kayla when they asked why we weren't together.

And for your benefit, I'll explain why I was so pissed that you went crazy when Tony was here:

1. You met him. You hung out with him. You knew I was perfectly fine with him, and yet you still blew up not only my, but his phone.
2. Your reaction tells me that you believe that I can't handle myself around guys.
3. I was well aware that he liked me. You should have been aware that I can make whatever decision I want when it comes to my relationships. Also: tidbit of info here: I wasn't interested romantically.
4. You did the same thing a month before. I showed interest in a human being, you went crazy. I stopped talking to you for like a week, thought you learned your lesson. Guess not.

I've said before that I see you as a brother-type figure. Which would be fine and dandy if you weren't the overprotective type.

I Very Much Agree!

Stolen from Kim's tumblr 'cause it's awesome!

Blogger Stats

So I couldn't figure out why my blog's stats were nonexistent before July 2010.

That's because blogger didn't start counting stats before then. Derp.

Anyway, I'm kind of proud to say that my blog gets about ~650 views a month.

That's pretty cool.

I bet Mark is more internet famous than me, though!

My Horoscope from the Onion

Capricorn -
Stop worrying about what people think of you, especially since it's so complicated you probably wouldn't be able to understand it.

THANKS ONION. lol

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MATTY!

You're such a good friend and deserve all the wonderful things happening to/around you! I hope you enjoyed your 21st! CSUS was HELLAAAA BOMMMB.

Love always,
Darlene!

Mooski #9 Hi Friend! - Deadmau5

Roccccccckin'!

Emmys Goodness:

Just a pic of David Tennant. I liked it. Didn't know he'd be at the Emmys, but who I am kidding? He was DOCTOR WHO! Yeaaah!


I think it'd be harder to find a picture of him I didn't like, but whatever.

Random Bored-ness

lead to this!

According to this... writing analyzer thing,

http://iwl.me/

I write like:

Name of "Work" ~ Author
The "Real" McCoy ~ Cory Doctrow
Persepolis ~ EDGAR ALLEN POE
JCO Paper ~ Margaret Atwood
Halving the Bones Paper ~ H. P. Lovecraft
Angels in America ~ KURT VONNEGUT
ID Paper ~ STEPHEN KING
Oh, Irony Paper (New Yorker) ~ H. P. Lovecraft
Mary Jane Paper I Never Turned In Because It's Lame ~  Cory Doctrow
Animal Rights ~ George Orwell
College App Essay ~ Vladimir Nabokov
Stampede ~ Isaac Asimov
Beginning of That Fiction Thing ~ Gertrude Stein
What the Fuck is Up with Virgins ~ David Foster Wallace
Blog Post: "So Much Angst" ~ J. D. Salinger
Blog Post: "I'M BAACK" ~ Cory Doctorow
Blog Post: "Darlene is Fucking Pissed" ~ J. D. Salinger

I looked up who Cory Doctorow is. Thinking about reading one of his books now. Little Brother looks really good. He's a science-fiction novelist. Figures. I also find it HELLA funny that my most insane rants got J.D. Salinger. WHAT'S UP HOLDEN?! AM I PHONY?! The fact that I got Poe and Vonnegut just made my night though. They're two of my favorite authors, and those two papers are some of my best work. Funny that I got George Orwell for the paper on animal rights. Animal Farm, anyone? Amusssssing. I'd also like to know what David Foster Wallace writes about, because that article was insane and very, very strange. This also tells me that I haven't developed a set style yet. (Or that this thing is full of shit! XD) Ah well, that was an efficient waste of time. Coolio. I'll look up the rest of these people later. Might find some interesting things to read! Yahoo!

Edit: I just put in some stuff from JCO (excerpt from "Zombie" in my paper) - and it came up Cory Doctorow. Put in ID by JCO, got Stephen King. Spider Boy got me Vonnegut. Landfill got Mario Puzo. So I've determined one thing for sure!: Joyce Carol Oates doesn't exist on the site, therefore it can't be real, 'cause SHE'S A HELLA FAMOUS AND HELLA GOOD AUTHOR.

haha. Yep.

Oh Cracked, The Sense You Make Is Legendary~

The 10 Most Important Things They Didn't Teach You In School - via Cracked

#1 is def my favorite. 

Random .gifs

My Desktop

is cuter than yours.












...that is all.

Mooski #8 - I Like You So Much Better When You`re Naked - Ida Maria

So much win involved in this. Seriously.

"I Like You So Much Better When You're Naked."
"That's interesting, but what's the song called?"

:] goodtimes.

Hey, You're a Douchebag!

Yes, you!

YOU DELETED ME ON FACEBOOK, OH NOOOOOES.

It's okay, you're way too good for me anyway.

The luls, they are so intense.

Now, for an actual legit reason to make this post:

This is post:

*drumroll*

500!!

Man, that's a lot of ranting, geeking out, and beautiful men. What the hell else do I talk about?

OH RIGHT, HELLA STUPID DRAMA. looooooooooooool. *facepalm*

My life is hilarious... at least I think so. Herp-aderp-aderp.

It's also the first post of September! September!

19 MORE DAYS UNTIL MOVE-IN. HELLLL YEEEEEESS!

I was also going on the most amazing adventure of my life, one year ago.

Man... crazy how much one year changed my life.

Intense shit, fo'sho.

I still really miss those times... but now that the insanity that this summer brought is over... I've got a few more weeks to actually relax and not give a FUCK!

There will be booze involved. FUCK YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAH!