Help Me Out!

College Admissions Essay.
If anybody even reads this blog, please leave a comment with suggestions on anything!
I am applying to UCSC (University of California, Santa Cruz) and I want my essay to be amazing!

Thanks!

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Everybody Needs a College Education

My name is Darlene McCoy and I play the viola. It is what I do, and who I am. A viola is a violin with a college education – it is simply something one cannot live without! The viola is like a violin, except it has different strings, is bigger; and its sound is deeper than the violin’s. I have been playing my reject of an instrument since the 4th grade, and ever since I started playing it, it has been a huge influence on my life. When I started playing under Mr. Kevin Sims though, the mere influence music had on my life grew to much more than just that. Being part of The Big Red Music Machine has been the most rewarding experience in my life. I have found a second family, our tradition of excellence is unparalleled in my eyes, and as a senior member of the orchestra this year, I plan to put the astounding amount of love I’ve matured toward making this year the best yet. I not only want to continue our tradition of excellence, but I want to do more.

The family I have found is not only within my own section, but in the orchestra as a whole. As the viola section, we take immense pride in being violas. We’re an uncommon instrument and usually are not recognized for being amazing players. This year, the violas hope to be the best section in the class. Our sectionals are so productive because we work so well together, respect each other, and help each other. I am the viola section’s mother. I take care of us. I make sure our baskets for various events are complete; I make sure our music is in the proper folder, and I help with just about everything in general. As a whole orchestra, my family could fill twenty pages of paper with wonderful experiences. We’ve gone on many trips together, and our bonds are so tight that when I walk into class, I don’t feel like I’m in school, I feel home. We even have Shoeless Friday, and Joke Wednesday! Even the freshmen this year are being incorporated, and are starting to feel those wonderful bonds. When I leave Cordova High, I believe I will be shedding many tears knowing that I will have to be away from my family. Mr. Sims is more than just a teacher to everybody in the orchestra, and to me, he seems more like a father, because I never really had one of my own, and I have learned so much from him in such a short time.

Music is something that allows one to put everything into what they are playing. Passion, rhythm, timing, and accuracy are all things one must have to play and play well. Just being in orchestra has taught me so much about perseverance and hard work. Everything about playing but the passion is hard for me. When Sims says give me emotion; I give him my fiercest anger, my most joyous happiness, or my most remorseful sadness, and when I can’t seem to make my fingers work to play a measure, I don’t stop. I sit there and work on that measure until it is right, because my family is counting on me to play that harmony. I put my heart and soul into everything I play could be the understatement of the year.

This year, I have put more effort into orchestra than ever. I have participated in every event so far, and I plan to create a small concert group. The group will consist of three violins, three violas, and a cello. Besides keeping up with the usual tradition of excellence, we are going to set our own. This group will work hard to perfect whatever piece we play, and the dedication to it will be even unparalleled to the Big Red Music Machine. We’ll call ourselves More, because that is what we’re going to do.

As the entire orchestra, I want every piece we play to be better than the last. I want us to play every note perfectly in tune. I want us to learn more and do more. I do not like to settle for mediocre, and I am determined to always do my best, and project the tradition of excellence to everybody I meet, and in everything I do. I plan to continue this tradition, and to take the lessons and passion I’ve learned from orchestra, and apply them to my studies.